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Dear Wendy

New relationship problem

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  • #962200 Reply
    avatarMariedee
    Guest

    Hi
    So after coming out of a bad relationship I was single for a year and then met someone new. People around me told me he was a bit of a playboy but I decided to never judge anyone until I see for myself. When we was dating in the early weeks. I turned up at his and found out he had a girl there. Since we was early days I decided to just move on. He wanted to make a go of it with me and I did also want to see where it goes. Since then things was really good And we spent nearly all our time together. There was behaviour that I didn’t like not reading my messages when I messaged him and telling me he would call me back in 5 mins and didn’t until the next day. I have always been easy going and have been very easy going with him so it bothered me as I felt there wasn’t much respect. He calls me his angel and I’m the best thing that’s happened to him. I told him that I have fallen in love with him and but he never said nothing back. He said he isn’t good with emotions. I have seen on his Instagram he has also been liking his exes pics and ones that are sexy as well. When I confronted him he then said he knows he shoudnt of and he was worried because she wasn’t in a good frame of mind when they spilt but how does that warrant liking her ass pics? I’m just really confused. He has been really generous and kind to me and tells me I’m beautiful all the time and I have even met his family so why is he doing all of this behaviour?

    #962201 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    His behavior is telling you clearly that he doesn’t really value you and is pursuing other women. His behavior tells you you’re just an option to him. His words tell you you’re “his angel,” but the words don’t match the actions. Snap out of your confusion. He wants you to be confused so you’ll stick around and be an option for him. You don’t have the luxury of being “confused” here. He’s not that into you. The behavior ALWAYS demonstrates how the guy feels about you. Not the words. You didn’t listen to people who tried to warn you. You didn’t listen to your gut. That’s why you feel like this. Stop paying attention to his words and look at what he does. Dump him and move on.

    #962207 Reply
    avatarHelen
    Guest

    That’s admirable that you want to make your own judgments about people, but if everyone is telling you a guy is a player, even the guy in question, listen to them. You pointed out how easy going you are in a relationship. Is that because you feel like you have to be absolutely chill or he’ll think that you’re crazy and controlling just like his exs? Its a common relationship tactic that’s rooted in internalized misogyny. You can have wants, needs, expectations, even demands in a healthy relationship with a good partner. Dump this guy because he isn’t capable of being what you want. He’s telling you as well as showing you. Believe him

    #962208 Reply
    avatarMariedee
    Guest

    Thank you for your advice, I actually thought it was going to be different with us as he was choosing to spend a lot of his spare time with me and made an effort to come round to see me but I think I have just been naive. Since I have confronted him about liking his exes photos he has been distant and rude so I think you are right I was only seen as an option. It’s been very hard as it’s the first person I have had feelings for after a very bad relationship which he knew all about but I guess I’m just being taking for a fool

    #962209 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    He is doing this because he wants to, because this is what he does. Clearly, he doesn’t respect you (or women) as a person.

    You were warned. It’s nice to think you are going to judge people based off of how they treat you, but in this case- how did that work out for you? People warned you. He had a reputation. This isn’t the first time for him. You went to his house and he had another girl there. You knew he was a player, and still you pursued him. Confusion is a tactic to make you question what you have observed.

    If you want to feel confused and the anxiety of wondering if he wants other women or wants to cheat, by all means, keep seeing him. If you’ve seen enough- move on. Stop seeing him, block him, unfollow, delete.

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