Newly divorced friend needs a place to stay
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My best friend of many years is now a single mom. She was married for 10+ years and her husband and her are now divorced. She didn’t win the house in her divorce settlement, but gets a part of the money once it’s sold. She wants to move back this way and start over, and asked to live with me for 4 months. It would be her, her 10 year old daughter and their dog. She wants to move here to be closer to family, get on her feet and build up work history once she gets a job because the apartments she has looked into require a certain amount of work history.
I want to be able to help her, but things are tight squeezed in my home currently. My house is in need of repairs and it’s my mother, me and my daughter. We are down to one bathroom and the other spare room we have is full of household items and my niece also has her own room when she comes over. It would just be alot of stress for everyone, and as much as I want to help my friend it would just cause alot of issues that I don’t want anyone to go through. If I had the space and extra bathroom fixed I would be totally okay with it.
She also suggested we find a place to live together once she can afford to and have us and our daughters live all under the same roof. It sounds like a nice idea initially since we are both single moms, but I am working on getting a mobile home to put on the land here (it’s my mother’s property) so that way we have our own space. My daughter would also want her own room which I have promised her. If I were to room with my friend, she suggested we just share a room with our daughters, so she really is only thinking of a 2 bedroom anyway. Prices in my area are very expensive so even something that small is astronomical. I want to keep my daughter in the school here and also save ALOT of money getting a mobile home.
I guess I just feel guilty. I want to be there for her and her not be homeless or struggle and to be comfortable wherever she is living. I just cannot uproot our lives and makes things harder for everyone. I would also be very stressed and resentful. Any advice?
Hi, your friend is in a position where her life is changing. A good, supportive friend is an important “resource” more than ever for her now. It sounds as though, her moving in would cause a strain and possibly/likely damage the friendship.
Tell you care about her and are “there” and will help her as needed, but that can’t include her living with you. If part of the reason she is moving to your area is to be nearer to her family-why can’t they take her in ?
She may be disappointed when you say no but I am sure she can figure out alternatives. And likely your friendship will survive once she has a plan. (you can help her with ideas ) If you allow her to move in you will resent it/her and then you will end up having to suck it up or ask her to leave. She may not even want to go after the agreed upon 4 months, even if you did try to help by letting her stay.
You already have a housing plan ( the moblie home etc. ) in place for yourself and your daughter. Stick to that.
Hi! I have a lengthy response here:
https://dearwendy.com/my-newly-divorced-friend-needs-a-place-to-stay/
