Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

No friends

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  • This topic has 4 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 8 months ago by avatarbrise.
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  • #865590 Reply

    Hi everyone happy holidays

    My husband and I moved across the country (Australia) for his work. I graduated University and have been lucky enough to also find work here. We left all our family and friends back across the country which is a 3 hour plane ride away. We have lived here for 8 months and have met some new people mainly thought work. We go out with couples from my husband’s work. But he doesn’t have his ‘own’ friends here and neither do I. When we socialise with other people it’s always together. If I want to hang out with just the girls or for him to have a boys night.. well we can’t. Where we use to live we went out together but also had our own friends and now sometimes you just need to go out for drinks without you partner just to have girl time. I still talk to my family often but my old girlfriends have become distance since we have moved. I’ve tried making friends at work but they don’t seem like the social bunch. I would like to have a friendship group here but it’s hard to make friends. I’ve made superficial friendships with girls at the gym but it’s hard to find something substantial. Any tips ?

    #865597 Reply

    Hi. Not sure why you couldn’t invite the ladies from the husband and wife group to do a spa day or a ladies night hang-out? Since you have made some “superfical” friends at the gym,why not build on that? Ask one of your gym buddies ,that you think you may have more than the gym in common with,to meet for lunch or coffee etc. You need to be pro-actiove and friendships need time/take time to develop. Good Luck.

    #865606 Reply

    The gym people could be a good option, I made some good friends at the gym during one of my moves. You have to make it happen, take the initiative to invite them somewhere even if it’s just a low stakes coffee after the class.

    I’m also confused why you can’t hang out with the women one on one either, will they not hang out without their partners? If so they sound lame anyway.

    #865622 Reply

    It takes rime to make new friends, so don’t feel bad. Ask the women if they want to get together the next time to7 all go out as a group. Ask people at your gym. Pay attention to activities in your city and go out to some on your own.

    #865703 Reply

    If you like books, you can join a reading club at the local library: a very nice way to make new acquaintances – or any cultural club with frequent meetings. You can also join a sport club which is not competitive but requires some collective calm practices which allows a conversation, like hiking. There are also applications like Meetup which are meant for friendly encounters. Give a try.

    My advice would be to say explicitly that you don’t know many people as you moved recently. This attracts the sympathy and have locals be more outgoing and invite you to more activities. Be also proactive and invite people who are friendly to join you at a movie, a theater, a concert, an exhibition, or whatever might have an interest for you. IF they refuse, it’s ok, if they accept, it expands your social circle. Little by little, you will create your community there, but it takes time and a personal effort of yourself.
    I would also make the trip sometimes to my home place, to meet friends and family. Take a week-end home by yourself and sustain your friendships, don’t let them become distant. Invite also your old friends to visit you for a week-end. You have to make an effort to maintain your links but it is worth the energy. You can also create a blog with texts and pictures (on “private famille”, for example) to maintain the contact with your folks and friends and relate your experiences, for example your integration project, on a humoristic tone. Then you register all your friends and send them the link: they will receive your news every time you post something, they can comment and interact with you. Very successful and easy for your friends to follow if you write a post every fortnight or so.
    In short: you are dependent on your husband only if you let it be that way. You followed him, ok, but now you hold the cards to build your own life there.

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