Not going to a friend’s party because I’m not ready to be back in that crowd

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    October 17, 2022 at 1:33 pm #1116537

    Long story short… I quit playing college softball because I had a very negative experience with the coaching staff and quite a few of the players. I don’t completely regret my experience, but it is definitely not one of the things I look back on too fondly. I am still friends with people that are on the team, so I do get invited to hang out with a select few of them from time to time. One of them, who I am very close with, decided that she wanted to invite me over for her birthday party along with the rest of the team full of my former teammates. I declined the invite because I didn’t feel ready to be around everyone just yet, as I am not quite over how the last two years and that environment have negatively affected me. She seemed upset, which made me feel bad to an extent. Do you think my reasoning for not going is justified enough?

    October 17, 2022 at 4:44 pm #1116539

    Seems fine to me but I don’t think your friend meant anything malicious by it. Sometimes when we’re close with someone we tend to think that friendship is enough to overcome things like hosting a party full of people your friend doesn’t like and expecting her to want to come, which as you know isn’t the case. If your friend still seems upset offer to do something one on one with her for her birthday. She may just be sad she doesn’t get to celebrate with you also.

    October 18, 2022 at 6:30 am #1116540

    Ah, this is where the little white lie comes in very handy. You could have simply said “oooh, I’m so disappointed that I’ll miss your party but I have other plans!”. Those plans could include painting your toenails and eating cheezy poofs while watching a movie.

    Instead you did what I see a lot of young people do which is to tell all of your truth. Which in one sense is admirable but as you can see, it also led to your friends disappointment.

    Remember “no” is a complete sentence and you don’t owe people all of your inner thoughts.

    October 18, 2022 at 8:24 am #1116541

    Simply not wanting to go is enough reason not to go to a party.

    Your friend is disappointed that you won’t be at her party. That’s reasonable as well. Sometimes you just need to be okay with the fact that decisions that are right for you will sometimes make other people upset.

    October 18, 2022 at 3:41 pm #1116543

    I think asking her out for coffee/a birthday thing with just you is a nice way to smooth it over like @ange said.

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Not going to a friend’s party because I’m not ready to be back in that crowd

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