Thank you all for such thoughtful replies. It hadn’t occurred to me that his drinking rose to the level of alcoholism, probably because the incidents have been spread out because I don’t live with him. I think I will try to at least get individual counseling, just to help with setting reasonable boundaries. I think my siblings have distanced themselves sufficiently from him that they can’t see how big an issue it’s become, while I kept trying to make him better by being the best daughter I could be. I’m realizing this isn’t my role, and just tolerating his behavior isn’t helping anyone
I was unsure whether I had to have the conversation to tell him about the shower and why he wasn’t invited, but I think for the health of my baby, it’s probably best for me to not have the confrontation right now.