Not sure if something is something.

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  • Tracy
    June 5, 2023 at 11:50 pm #1120677

    Can’t quite figure out how to put what happened into words. I was working for a company for almost 2 years. Right away something embarrassing happened with my boss. I let it go because she was nice and I figured she didn’t realize what she was doing. As time moved on I think she was trying to hard with me, always around trying to help and doing nice things for me or embarrassing me with things like birthday wishes and such, in front of everyone, I didn’t know anyone there. It was awkward. Never saw her do this for others. Week after week I was winning all the employee appreciation gifts, gift cards, raffles and she was spending more and more time around me. Others were noticing and I was getting uncomfortable. I started saying no thankyou a lot. She got upset with me for not participating in a lunch for the employees. She scheduled another lunch a few weeks later and told me if I punch in I have to eat lunch. I did it for her because I felt bad. This went on for a couple months. I knew others were talking about it. I never spoke to her about the that. I feared for her job and I was right. She got fired a few weeks ago. She worked there for almost 30 years. I don’t know what her feelings were but I think they used me to fire her. I quit a week later. My question is, should I call her and if so what should I say?

    June 6, 2023 at 4:33 am #1120678

    You think she got fired for playing favorites with you? I don’t know… it’s very difficult to fire someone, particularly when they’ve been there 30 years. It’s weird that HR or your boss’s boss never spoke with you, if they indeed had a problem with her behavior toward you. There was likely more going on. Either she committed a serious fireable offense, or she had a pattern of behavior she’d been warned about.

    What would be your reasons for reaching out to her? I don’t think you should, since she made you really uncomfortable, and now you’d be opening a door for her to get even more problematic with you. I really really don’t think that’s a good idea. Just move on and find another job.

    If you felt compelled, I suppose you could reach out with empathy and say you heard about her recent termination and express sympathy for the situation. Let her know that you understand it must be a challenging time for her. Be honest about your feelings: Share your own experience of feeling uncomfortable with the attention she was giving you at work. Be careful not to accuse or blame her, but simply explain how the situation made you feel uneasy and impacted your work experience. Let her know that you are there to lend an ear or provide support if she needs someone to talk to during this transition period. It’s important to be genuine in your offer and only extend it if you are truly willing to follow through.
    Make it clear that you are no longer working at the company and have chosen to move on. Reinforce that your intention in reaching out is to offer support, rather than rehashing the past or engaging in gossip.

    But seriously I don’t think you should.

    June 6, 2023 at 10:39 am #1121462

    Leave it alone. If she was at this company for 30 years then she understood appropriate business behaviors. You don’t know why she was fired. Maybe she used your birthday to cover embezzling money (e.g. she buys you a $20 cake but charges in $100). Maybe she yelled at someone in a check out line while wearing her work badge. Maybe she was called into HR for playing favorites and told them to fuck off. You don’t know.

    I don’t know why you quit – you are not responsible for your supervisor’s behavior.

    June 6, 2023 at 11:02 am #1121643

    If you were used to fire her, you’d likely have an idea it was about you.

    It’s not about you. Why would you want to reach out, if she made you uncomfortable?

    Reach out if you want to. It kind of sounds like you want to.

    June 6, 2023 at 11:50 am #1121682

    Thankyou all for answering my post. Your advice is consistent with my family and friends advice. My only reason for wanting to reach out is guilt. I thought about warning her and I didn’t. You are all correct, not my job to make sure she understood what was happening. I got another job and it’s a better job. I’m going to let it go and hope everything works out for her.
    Thanks again. I really do appreciate the help.

    June 6, 2023 at 1:42 pm #1121719

    Leaving for a better job is a fantastic reason to quit. Congrats.

    June 6, 2023 at 1:47 pm #1121969

    Definitely don’t reach out. It opens the door to uncomfortable interactions, and there’s no way you can even help her. It would be one thing if you could help her find a job, but you wouldn’t want to work with her again or even recommend her to a friend. You had no responsibility for her behavior at work or stopping her from making career limiting moves.

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