Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Not sure if to break up or continue the relationship

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice Not sure if to break up or continue the relationship

This topic contains 96 replies, has 17 voices, and was last updated by FireStar FireStar 6 days, 19 hours ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 61 through 72 (of 97 total)
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  • #743570 Reply
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    Fyodor

    I think that BAC has not dated much and has very unrealistic expectations about what somewhat should be expected to endure in and for a romantic relationship. I don’t think that it’s expressly gendered but because most of the people here are women calling to complain about men in their lives he ends up lecturing them about how they should put up with unacceptable crap.

    OTOH, “whorish” is a pretty misogynistic term….

    #743572 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    I think it’s gendered in the sense that he’s a guy who (he feels) has limitations and thus doesn’t get a fair chance from women. I believe that’s why he’s often coming down on women to give guys more of a chance / stand by them.

    #743574 Reply
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    anonymousse
    Member

    I can’t even believe he said whorish.

    Go get help Bacc. Step away from your MRA websites. It’s obvious you haven’t had many relationships and if you have, I shudder to think how you’ve treated the people you date.

    #743581 Reply
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    Fyodor

    I don’t disagree, I guess that I was thinking of when he was backing that LW who was all bent out of shape that her friend who couldn’t spend time together because of her wedding invited her to the wedding without apologizing first where he explained how the LW was right to feel betrayed and how he (Bac) and the LW were the only ones that understood the true meaning of friendship.

    #743583 Reply

    Yeah, I stopped giving him the benefit of the doubt a loooonnnng time ago. Specifically, when he argued that the LW whose creepy ass boyfriend was taking photos of young women at the beach w/o their consent should give that guy another shot. That’s a big ass bag of NOPE.

    I think he skews towards creepy because he always wants the LWs to give the creepers a second chance. I kinda feel that in his mind those behaviors aren’t creepy but ‘misunderstood nice guy’. The fact that he continually leans towards the creeper’s view leads me to believe that we have a creeper among us who is trying to justify his actions.

    #743586 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Totally agree, and was expecting him to back “hhans” on the Difficult Situation thread.

    #743589 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    I think he is clueless in understanding what is creepy and what social boundaries look like and why you are wasting your time when someone isn’t a good match. Love doesn’t mean beating your head against a wall trying to make a bad relationship work just because you love them. I think Bac has problems with normal social boundaries and normal social rules.

    Our most difficult patrons are the men who don’t follow the normal social boundaries. Meaning they don’t respect wedding rings on fingers and go ahead and ask staff on dates. They try to watch porn on computers even after being told it isn’t allowed. They follow staff around hoping that repeatedly following someone will make them want a date. They tell blatantly sexual jokes to female staff who aren’t laughing.

    Our most difficult women patrons tend to be women who won’t leave when we are closing.

    That’s the most obvious difference we see between difficult men and difficult women.

    #743591 Reply

    But I think that always chalking it up to ‘clueless’ is what leads him to believe that he’s a misunderstood nice guy. Nope he’s not.
    I don’t know him IRL so I can’t straight out call him a creeper BUT he does have creep-like behavior.

    #743592 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    I agree that he can certainly get into supporting creepy behavior.

    #743593 Reply
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    Northern Star

    I think we often defend actions we could see ourselves taking. Or at least, I do.

    #743596 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    I think when you are trying to be controversial which he has admitted in the past, I think you are trying to sidetrack the discussion to bring attention to your own self instead of in any way trying to help the poster who began the discussion.

    That tends to be selfish. I rarely see any advice, maybe never have, from Bac that is meant to be helpful to the original poster. It tends to be all in support of the person who is mistreating them and explaining why they should just continue in a relationship that is so bad they are writing in for advice.

    #743597 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Yuuuuuppp.

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