Office Life and Social Life 3
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So I am back to clarify a few things, I guess u did catch me with trying to make a move on her although I never planned to unless it was extremely clear. Also everyone is 25+ while I am 22. Everyone puts on a facade and no one tries to be genuine. I have asked so many people so many kinds of questions but never too personal. In my 3 months of working so far not once have I been asked a question unrelated to work out of genuine interest. I always give off the energy of “get to know me” or ” I want to know u” but I have never gotten a “how about you?” It’s almost condescending but then again maybe I am rushing and being selfish in trying to make friends with ppl I barely know. But then again how are u going to know me if you’re not putting in the effort from your side. Idk if they’re talking bad things about me but they’re def talking about me, the things they talk about are so “posh” and uninteresting kinda like how rich ppl from elite colleges talk. Tinder and Bumble are dry AF and I have an extremely openminded and outgoing personality(I’d like to think so). It’s just, things seems frustrating cuz people don’t empathize with me and my situation, and even when I don’t care, I feel isolated and lonely. I just want to make friends and cant seem to do so other than my workplace since that’s what I’m used to since school. I’ll take any advice, idc about the girl anymore, I just want to be respected as an equal and acknowledged by those around me instead of looked down on like I’m some child who doesn’t know any better.
Also just want to add, even though they talk like that, I am well aware that they don’t talk like that outside the office since I’ve talked to them informally before.
Ok so small company, has a certain culture, and everyone is at least a few years older. Also this is your first office job? And you aren’t fitting in, to the point that others are talking about you.
So definitely do not keep doing what you’re doing. It’s not working. I would say put your head down for a while, work hard at doing your job well, ask your boss for feedback, be polite and respectful, ask people how they’re doing and smile, and then outside of work join at least one club or league or meetup.
Yup – just accept that work is work and you’ll need to find friends elsewhere. Be cordial and professional and remember, you won’t be working with this lot forever, just the foreseeable future. And if someone new joins the company, be kind and friendly.
And if you’re at a small company – never ever date someone at work. Like ever. It’s just a recipe for absolute and total disaster.
That “facade” you speak of is probably a work persona. Lots of us have them.
Some offices don’t have fun or even good cultures. My last company was cliquey and at one point upper management had to change a bunch of cubicle assignments to separate two women because they were bullying people. You might not be the problem — I can’t tell — but agree that it’s time to accept that work is where you’ll earn a paycheck and not where you’ll find your new group of pals. Your coworkers aren’t obligated to want to know you. Like I said in my last response, making a genuine friend at work is a perk of going to work, not the reason people work. FWIW, at my first company, when I was mid-20s, I became very close to three coworkers who were about my age… it took longer way longer than three months to feel like friends.
You only mention work and dating apps as vehicles for meeting new friends. (And dating apps aren’t for finding friends.) What else are you doing? Where else are you looking?
It sounds like you really want to be in with them, have them interested in you, etc…but why? This is your place of work and you’re the new guy.
Work! That’s what you’re there for, not to socialize or make friends. If anyone is saying anything about you, that’s their problem, and they should also be focused on work. I wouldn’t concern yourself with what YOU THINK they are saying about you or thinking about you. You can’t control what people think.
Be cordial, be friendly, ask about their weekend, small talk is the level you are at with them right now. They don’t know you and small talk is how you make tiny connections. Those tiny “How are ya’s?” lead to more, or they don’t. Friendships are a bonus of work, sometimes. It’s not a guarantee. Small talk and work talk is how after weeks, months of seeing people at a new job, you make work friends. Not by getting pissed no one cares about you at your new job. Why and what do people need to empathize with you at work about?
It takes time to get to know people and find common interests and you may be putting off “I’m better than you rich people” vibes, which is what I’m getting here. You’re annoyed they show no interest in you, but you also make fun of what they talk about? What do you want from them?
You are struggling with connecting with people, you say no one can empathize with you. In what way do you want coworkers to empathize with you?
What is the problem? Where is your family? I’m sensing a bigger loneliness and isolation that’s more than just not feeling good at work. Where are your friends? How old are you? What’s going on that you are so fixated on people you don’t really know at your job? I’m sorry you’re struggling so much, but I think you’re putting the onus on the wrong people.
Do you have health insurance?
I think you’re expecting totally ridiculous things out of work.
This is your first real job and you don’t understand work boundaries. I think that is your issue with work in a nutshell. You think it’s like college or high school where you can do work but you also can flirt and joke around, and maybe you can at some jobs, but not this one. Nobody knows you, you’re markedly younger than everyone else in terms of stages of life, and you’re isolated and lonely. Look into counseling and find some other outlets. Join a gym, join community events, whatever it is that interests you. Make friends outside of work. Call your mom.
