Office Life and Social Life 4
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Okay I realized the way I explained things was way too vague giving you all the wrong idea. I think you lot are right in understanding I’m new and I shouldn’t expect these guys to be my friends which is right. I have stopped acting overly friendly with everyone and stuck to small talk, but it’s crazy to me that they aren’t even able to do that with me. I guess I should’ve mentioned it but the reason why I’m so stuck up on them cooperating and being friendly with me is because they are who I report to and get help from. So if I have to work with them on a daily basis I need you to cooperate with me and us to understand each other not even on a personal level but just a general vibe so we understand how we work. I should’ve also mentioned that my work is charged by the hour so anytime I’m not working, I’m not getting paid and I’ve been told to avoid sitting on issues to avoid doing nothing. But this often occurs when they ignore me because my work as a new hire isn’t as important as their work. Or they’re busy talking and having a laugh elsewhere. When I confront the situation, I either get ignored or brushed off. So I either have time that is wasted from my work and Im not getting what I need on time. I understand we’re all busy, but it seems they’re only busy when it comes to me. We even recently had a new hire where he was sat near me but not where we can see each other. There was an invite for a social gathering for all where my team got together to attend the gathering together and even personally invited the new hire who sat near me, but they didn’t invite me, nor did they even reach out. Once I met them at the gathering since it’s open to all, a few of them froze at my sight and I just ignored them since that is how they have been treating me. I am not worried about making friends with them (I have friends just not near where I am), I just want to be friendly with them and vice versa, but they can’t seem to respect me as a fellow employee on their team to the point where they couldn’t even acknowledge me. I empathize with their situation in every way, have been understanding, excellent with my work, and friendly. But yet I get treated like so, I might be petty for this, but I decided to adopt a “fuck off” attitude with these guys and am strictly only looking to work, if they want to get buddy buddy they’re going to have to try harder to earn my respect.
For reference this is all happening over the course of 3 months and I have stopped trying to be friends with them as of the past month or more
Instead of making new posts, you need to stick to one thread. It’s super confusing to people trying to follow this when the info is in 4 different posts. Keep your replies on this one please. I’m going to start deleting new ones on the same topic to keep thing streamlined and so you can get better advice.
You’re not supposed to be friends with people you report to, who supervise your work. They’re not your peers.
You have to just focus entirely on doing your job well. That’s how you get people to respect you at work. Not by adopting a fuck off attitude.
Seriously, it sounds like you have made yourself the person to avoid at work, and that’s messing with your ability to make money. You have got to stop thinking in any terms like that people need to earn your respect, or getting people to like you, or showing attitude, or ANYTHING that’s not about how can I get my work done most effectively today. I understand that feeling of needing to get someone higher up to look at something before you can proceed. We all have that problem, even at high levels and many years into our career. You have to find a rhythm of putting stuff out for review, working on other stuff in the meantime, and checking in on the things you need approval on. You are there to help the business run, so you just have to keep hammering away at things and making progress. Treat it like a job, leave all the emotion out of it.
…Hunter?
It’s hard to tell what your real concern is. Your first post was about your work crush, then you say you weren’t actually going to ask her out and say she’s actually too stuck up. Then you post twice about wanting to make friends at work, but now you say this isn’t about making friends at work.
You are contributing to the dynamics you are complaining about in a big way IMO. First you are overly-friendly with your co-workers, which they were not receptive to. Then you swing hard in the other direction, ignoring them and adopting a “fuck you” attitude. Neither one of those was the correct approach. Can you not just show up, act professional and pleasant, and do your job without expecting anyone to take an interest in you? You don’t need to ✨vibe✨ with your supervisor. I reported to a man who was quick to anger at my last job… hated the guy and thought he was deeply unfair, but giving him the cold shoulder until he learned to respect me wasn’t an option because… well, that’s never an option.
Also, my first office job was paid hourly and it’s not THAT big of a deal to have some down time. You’ll still get paid. There’s a difference between waiting for a higher up to have the time to weigh in on/approve something and being off task/doing nothing/sitting on issues.
My guess is you acted out of bounds in the beginning, and now you’re giving everyone attitude and that’s why they don’t socialize with you.
You are literally there to work. Just work and stop taking everything so personally. Everyone is just working and going home. There’s no secret club you aren’t part of.
I don’t know where you live or work, but in most places I think it is illegal for you to be at work and not paid unless you are working on a specific project. If there isn’t enough work for you, then why did they hire someone else? This makes little sense. What is your job. If these co-workers are essentially your bosses, then you appear to have seriously burnt your bridges in this company. I can only guess that you were a real jerk when you started. Is the new hire as young as you are? If so, why do you think they seem to like him but not you?
I’ll say what you probably know: it sounds like you need to find a new job. It sounds like your co-workers have decided that you’re a creep. I’m going to guess that your approach to the 28-year-old woman was worse than you describe, she is totally creeped out, and her friends in the office have rallied around her.
Exactly what job do you have and what field did you major in?
To Ron and Anonymousse’s point, it’d be easier if you were forthcoming with the details. It’s hard to tell how bad the situation is. Many of us experienced a learning curve to professional norms or made faux pas early in our careers… or, at least, I know I did. I can’t tell if this is a situation where you need to put your head down and everything will blow over or if you should be job hunting. At my first job, we hired a woman who quickly alienated many of us… I left about six months after that and strongly disliked her on my way out, but I heard she eventually toned down the grating behavior and coworkers warmed up to her. One even ended up being in her wedding.
ETA: I didn’t actually think this was Hunter but it did remind me of him. Bad joke. I also started assuming this person is not in the US based on the use of the word “posh.”
