Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Online dating advice please!!

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  • This topic has 6 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 1 month ago by avatarPeggy.
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  • #1031925 Reply
    avatarvishakhapilotgirl
    Participant

    So i finally decided to give online dating a try. With one match, we have texted everyday. N it has been sincere, although we only exchange 4-5 msgs a day. We have talked abt our dreams, choices in things etc etc. but he still hasnt initiated a call or meet up. He planned both but never fixed a time or place. I never called him out on it. It’ll be a month in two days so i thought i shud ask him abt it. He made it look like im pushing too hard. That being in the same profession i shud understand how busy it gets. I don’t know what to do? I fell for him. I told him today that the reason i freaked out last night is because i have fallen for him. So he said its simply infatuation since we haven’t met yet. Which sounds right. N he said im talking like we are in a relationship already, whcih i wasnt doing. I simply asked for a call or a meet. How long can you possibly keep texting without meeting? N our texting is quite little as well. He said he can’t do this. So i asked him if it was real for him. He said yes. But that we needed to cool it down abit. So i sent him an apology video for freaking out and told him I understand i need to slow down. So i will slow down for him. Im not gonnah push anymore, lets just take one day at a time n go with the flow. I asked him if he wanted to continue getting to know each other…. what do u think he is going to say? Its been 9hrs now. He hasnt seen the video. Was i really askingfor too much by asking for a call or a meet? Did i come off as deperate? PLEAse someone help figure this out. I cudnt go another month just texting. It has to move forward. So i confronted him. I needed answers.. please advice. Do u think he’ll come back to me? He seemed perfect for me. Do u think he is even going to open the msg? It always takes him hours to read a msg. Was the video a bad idea? I don’t know what to think. Am i wrong to expect further moves after 4weeks of texting?

    #1031929 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    Whoa, you are acting crazy here.

    Okay, in online dating, the goal is to figure out quickly if there’s enough of a connection to want to meet up. And then meet for a drink or a coffee. It used to be that if you exchanged 3 emails it was time to piss or get off the pot. Now with texting it’s a little different but I would say after a week of text exchanges you should definitely be meeting up or moving on.

    A month and you haven’t met? And he doesn’t want to? You need to move on. He’s unavailable to you. Doesn’t matter why, he just is.

    Look, if someone is telling you you need to cool it / slow down and all you’ve ever done is text, that’s a real bad sign. At a minimum they just aren’t interested. Worst case, you’ve freaked them out and they’re trying to back away slowly. You’re coming on way way way too strong by talking about falling for him, is this real, freaking out, apology video, all of that is completely inappropriate in the texting stage of online dating. Wow.

    Going forward, don’t do any of this with guys you meet online. If you like him after exchanging some messages, ask him if he’d like to meet up for a quick drink or coffee. If he’s not able to get right to making a plan, move on. He’s not interested, not ready to date, married, or who knows, but it’s not happening so don’t waste any more time.

    #1031931 Reply
    avatarLisforLeslie
    Guest

    You went to crazy town. You need to decide whether to stay or not.

    The expectation is that you exchange a few messages to see if you want to meet. You don’t live the relationship solely through text. You fell for a bunch of pixels on a screen. You don’t know who is actually on the other side. It could be a 12 year old boy from Peru, a 24 year old man in Florida or a 53 year old woman in Russia.

    You need to block and move on. Next time you should actually meet the person. Either via skype or in person (COVID safety permitting).

    #1031935 Reply
    avatarHelen
    Guest

    There are a lot of men on dating sites that are there purely to chat. They have no intention of taking it farther. The only way to avoid them is to meet up soon after connecting. If they give excuses or say you’re moving too fast they are just there to waste your time. You will never meet them. Are you on a free or paid site? Less time wasters on the paid sites

    #1031937 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    Yes, telling a man who has only ever texted you, who you’ve never met, that you’ve fallen for him does sound desperate. The texts afterwards, and a video apology… I think he hasn’t seen your video or responded because he blocked your number.

    Your behavior was over the top. And it scared him off.

    #1031938 Reply
    avatarCopa
    Participant

    Were you asking for too much for wanting to meet virtually or in person? No. Anyone who is serious about dating will eventually want to move things forward.

    Did you act desperate? Yes. You shouldn’t be falling for a guy you haven’t met yet or freaking out at them. If they don’t make an effort to move things forward, either by making plans or agreeing to plans that you suggest, time to move on to the next match. And “confronting” a guy you’ve never met and telling him you’ve fallen for him is kinda wacko.

    Do I think he’ll go back to you? No. He was never with you and didn’t sound all that interested in you.

    I understand that it’s possible to be excited about the idea of someone new even if you haven’t met yet and it can be easy (and fun!) to build that person up inside your head. You fill in the blanks and start to believe they’re your perfect partner. But that’s all an illusion. There are lots of men out there and plenty of them want a real relationship, not just a text buddy. Focus on those guys. This guy that you’re obsessing over is a dud — grieve if you need to, but it’s time to file this guy away under “lessons learned the hard way” and move on!

    #1031942 Reply
    avatarPeggy
    Guest

    Hi. Agree you acted a little bit nuts here. Next time, exchange a few messages. Then he should either ask to meet, with a day and time stated or you can suggest it. If you ask and he has excuses or is vague….then just move on,stop messaging him. Remember you are on there to date and hopefully meet a match, you ae not looking for a “penpal”, so don’t let someone waste your time.
    The whole idea is to meet someone and see of you both want to meet a second time. Remember not to assume anything…you may want a second date with someone ,but they do not for some reason. Just let it be. If you “let the guy lead”, you can better gauge his interest…His actions or lack of them should tell you want you need to know.

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