Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Opinion needed please

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  • #1017498 Reply


    Two people are in a relationship for over 6 years. They both have different belief systems.

    Person 1: is a long time vegetarian who follows a religion in which the cow is a sacred animal.

    Person 2: eats everything

    Both have been living together for 6 years and Person 1, although being a vegetarian always shops for non-vegetarians items for their partner and cooks them. All they ask is out of respect for their religion that beef not be consumed at home. Eating at restaurants it’s not an issue.

    Person 2 feels that they should be able to eat what they want and that they should be able to eat beef at home. Feels there needs to be a compromise to accommodate their wants.

    Any thoughts would be appreciated.

    #1017500 Reply

    Doesn’t sound good. Person 2 is the asshole in this situation.

    #1017501 Reply

    Yeah, person two is being an asshole. They can eat beef out of their home. It’s not a big ask for them to refrain from eating beef at home.

    #1017502 Reply

    At minimum, they seem incompatible.

    I would say, the religious and ethnical concerns of one partner should outweigh the culinary tastes of the other. That’s an easier comprise for the latter partner to make, I’d say.

    If you love steak so much you feel deprived if you can’t eat at home, even out of respect for the person you love, I mean I think you’re hooked up with the wrong person.

    I am getting the sense though OP, that you may be partner one and you are writing in to get validation to shove in your partners face – right? Look at all these people that agree with me! Others think you’re being a jerk, it’s not just me!

    If that’s what you are trying to do here – prepare for it to fail spectucularly. If your post is a totally truthful representative of what’s going on, I mean if partner 2 doesn’t care what their long-term partner thinks they defintiely aren’t going to care what internet strangers think.

    #1017503 Reply

    Also – I have *slightly*, ever so *slightly*, more sympathy if you are living in a place where COVID restrictions are being taken seriously (or you as a couple have decided to take them seriously).

    There may be no resturants or eating outside the house right now.

    So, maybe a burger on rare occasion while partner one goes for a walk and pretends it isn’t happening isn’t the end of the world, at least until restaurants can safely reopen or it’s safe for partner 2 to go hang out with their beef eating friends.

    #1017505 Reply

    There’s what’s right and what works. Person 2 should be more respectful and follow the beef rule, but it sounds like they won’t. Is that a hill Person 1 is willing to die on? It’s fine to say yes – if this touches something deeper about 2’s disrespect of 1’s religion and beliefs, maybe it’s a sign to put a foot down and be willing to break up over. But if 1 & 2 are otherwise committed and good to each other, this might be something 1 needs to let go.

    #1017506 Reply

    Admittedly, as a vegetarian for 21 years, I can’t call my judgement very neutral, but I’m with person 1 here. Asking to only not bring beef into the home is such a low bar that it is weird to me that it’s even an issue. It’s a strange hill to die on.

    #1017514 Reply

    It sounds like person one is already being very accommodating-it’s just the cows, other animals are being allowed, although that’s probably not much fun for the vegetarian, so I’d say 1 isn’t being unreasonable. 2 seems very determined to do something they know will upset 1, which is unkind, but I suppose some people just are very attached to certain foods. If you are able to go out for meals, when they can have it, that seems enough really, but if you are currently not able to do that, it might be worth 1 considering allowing 2 to order something readymade in every so often, and eat it in another room.And dealing with their own dishes/leftovers etc. Good luck with it, better to find a solution sooner rather than letting it build up.

    #1017517 Reply

    I don’t know that there is a winner/loser here. I have a similar arrangement-my wife and I are Jewish but I’m more religious. We had an agreement early on that she wouldn’t eat shrimp and pork in the house.* That being said, I don’t know that there is an automatic rule for what constitutes a fair accommodation of someone’s religious beliefs. It may just be a compatibility issue.

    #1018496 Reply

    A pollotarian is someone who eats poultry but not red meat or pork products. People choose this dietary pattern for various reasons. For some, becoming pollotarian is a step towards becoming vegetarian, while others are more concerned about the health and environmental effects of eating red meat.

    I only eat poultry, fish and lamb. I am not a vegetarian!

    #1019572 Reply

    I feel like it’s similar to “please don’t smoke in the house, it makes me feel sick,” and your partner just doesn’t care, they feel like their comfort in terms of being able to smoke in the house is more important than you not feeling sick. Or being able to eat red meat in the house is more important than your religious discomfort. It doesn’t speak well to Person 2 valuing their partner and prioritizing their needs. It’s a VERY simple thing to not eat ONE food in the house.

    #1020003 Reply

    Person #1 should feel free to stop cooking person #2’s meat. Cooking is easy. If person #2 is in a live-in relationship and can’t cook, then way past time to acquire this essential life skill. I doubt I could happily live as a vegetarian, but could easily give up beef. Really, just fish and poultry for a while now.

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