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Dear Wendy

Opinions on taking husband's last name?

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Viewing 12 posts - 109 through 120 (of 129 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #48028 Reply
    Desiree
    Participant

    *I deeply respect and admire stay-at-home moms, but going to med school and then not using the degree seemed like unnecessary punishment.

    #48064 Reply
    Addie Pray
    Participant

    @lemongrass, I’m now dying to know your first name.  Come on, just whisper it to me here…

    #48068 Reply
    applescruffs
    Participant

    Hmm, I’m going to see how long it takes for someone to use my last name, too. This will be a fun experiment! Although my friends do think it’s fun to call me Dr. Scruffs. …it kinda is.

    #48073 Reply
    othy
    Participant

    My married name is very unusual.  All of the people with this last name in my state are related.  And there are maybe 20 or so entries in the phone book, all of them very closely related to my husband.  So much so that when I come across someone with the same last name, they often demand to know who I’m married to since we must be related.  They’re usually first or second cousins to my husband.

     

    I got married at a nice point in my career. I had just changed jobs and I was about to start grad school.  Since I work in a career where publishing is important, it did influence my decision to change my name.  My maiden name was quite common, and if you do a Google (or PubMed) search for my maiden name and first initial, there are about a million hits.  However, search me by my married name and first initial, and it’s just me.  However, if I had started publishing under Othy Maiden, I probably would have kept it, at least professionally.

     

    I did keep both my middle and maiden name as my new last name.  So now I’m legally Othy Middle Maiden Married.  I am really glad I kept my Maiden somewhere in my legal name, because my family sometimes forgets that I changed it.  I’ve been married for 6 years now, and I still get checks written to Othy Maiden.  My 88 year old grandma gets a pass, but not my father.  But because my maiden is recorded on my bank account, it’s really not a big deal to cash those checks.

    #48074 Reply
    lemongrass
    Participant

    Teehee. I’m too terrified of all the crazy stuff I admitted on here going public to say! If I did say it, anyone who knows me would instantly know it was me.

    #48076 Reply
    Addie Pray
    Participant

    blerg.

    #48077 Reply
    Addie Pray
    Participant

    oh i have an idea, you can log on as Anonymous and then just say the name.  The only way people would be able to make the Lemongrass connection is if they read all of these comments.  But come on, no one is reading our back-and-forth.  Do it, do it!

    #48120 Reply
    Megan_A_Mess
    Participant

    @Fabelle – I really think that this subject is something that people don’t really think too hard about until comes up, and then they say the first thing that comes to mind, maybe since they haven’t thought about it. That’s just my guess. But I do feel like you, and may other posters here, that it should be a discussion, and not just an assumption.

    I’m going to sum up how I feel about this in simple sentences because I literally just typed out a two paged single spaced paper about it. I’m not married, but was engaged before, and it was assumed I’d take my exes name because that’s just what is traditionally done, and his family is really traditional. My boyfriend and I are forward-thinking, and feminists, but should we decide to get married, I surprised him by telling him I would take his name, much for the same reasons as GatorGirl; it’s shorter, and won’t be as mispronounced as my current last name. Plus, this time, it really just feels right. Before it just felt forced (that is why our engagement ended, I felt like we were doing a lot of things just because “that’s how they were done” not because we really wanted to.) Also, I’m not overly attached to my last name. I know a lot of people feel defined or ID’d by it, but I simply don’t. I also won’t be a PhD or anything when I graduate college, so no harm done there.

    All in all, I feel, much like everything else, it’s personal choice. And if people don’t like it, (because there will always be someone, some where, who doesn’t like your decision) screw ’em. As long as you can wake up everyday and feel confident and comfortable about your choices, that’s all that matters.

    And a special thank you to painted_lady and lemongrass, I shall now talk my boy into changing our names to Mr. and Mrs. Motherfucking Badass.

    #48148 Reply
    aredheadsguide
    Participant

    I haven’t read all of the comments, so apologies if I’m just repeating things others have said.  The manfriend and I are not married, but are talking about it, and have had at least one heated discussion about the name thing.  Long story short, I’m an only child and I don’t have any cousins on my dad’s side, so my last name dies with me.  I earned a college degree with this name and have used it professionally for five years, and bought a house in this name.  I always assumed that at the most, I would hyphenate my name.  The manfriend HATED this idea. He was offended at the suggestion of hyphenating because he thought I was rejecting his name.  This is the same guy that grew his hair long and dyed it blonde and lived as a hippie in California for three years as an ultra liberal.  TOTALLY caught me off guard. After tears and long discussions, I’m not sure where we stand on the issue.  I’ve explained to him why I want to keep my name, and I think he respects my reason, he just doesn’t like it.  The best solution I’ve come up with is to just add his name.  So my name would be First Middle Maiden Married, so essentially it would be like having two middle names.  I know he still isn’t a fan of that idea, but the only people who would know I didn’t get rid of my maiden name would be him, me and the DMV.

    #48282 Reply
    AliceInDairyland
    Participant

    So I asked The Boy last night about the name thing because I was super curious about what his views would be.  And I felt sort of awkward about it (also sort of drunk) so I just kind of blurted out the question of asking his views on it.  And he said that he would prefer to have the same name as his wife and children, but it totally didn’t matter whose name it was.  And that he really didn’t care all that much about any of it.  Because it is just a name.  Awww. Sorry for the humblebrag, but I wasn’t sure what to expect after all of this discussion.

    Dr. and Mr Dairyland it is!!!!!!!!

    #48283 Reply
    applescruffs
    Participant

    Alice, PLEASE take Dairyland as your family name!

    #48284 Reply
    lemongrass
    Participant

    Dairyland is the “cheap” brand of milk where I am, it’s all I can think of when I see your name!

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