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Dear Wendy

Parents not liking me dating?

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This topic contains 15 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by avatar csp 5 days, 2 hours ago.

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  • #811167 Reply
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    ron

    Unless LW turns out to be irresponsible, her parents aren’t paying her tuition. They are just co-signing her loans. She is still the person primarily responsible for paying off those loans. To me, this does put the responsibility on LW to take courses/major which will allow her to earn enough to pay off the loans herself, so they don’t fall to her parents to pay.

    LW — I certainly hope you are using reliable birth control if you are having sex with your bf.

    #811170 Reply
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    Essie
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    If it’s not easy for you to move out anytime soon, I would simply stop telling them anything about your dating life. I’m not saying that you should lie and tell them you’re going to the library if you’re going out with your boyfriend, or tell them you broke up with your boyfriend if you haven’t. That just leads to more problems. But I wouldn’t volunteer *any* information about who you’re dating or what you’re doing together. At all.

    It’s a shame to have to do that, but in your case it’s necessary. When you talk to them, talk about school, about the news, about family, about things you’re doing with classmates or female friends. Leave any talk about boyfriends out of it.

    Now, they may notice that you’re not talking about your boyfriend, and start asking you direct questions. Give very minimal answers, and if they start getting on your case about it, just say “Mom, it just gets us both upset when we talk about this, so I’d rather not discuss it.” And change the subject.

    #811755 Reply
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    Teri Anne

    My dysfunctional family made my life very difficult when I was a college student. My parents and 7 siblings living at home created a lot of mayhem by getting drunk, and my siblings even dealt drugs. After my freshman year, I agonized over whether to move out, but even in the late 1970s I simply could not afford it at age 19. It would even harder today for the LW to move out, because tuition, living expenses and books cost so much more. Until she turns 24, she also needs the cooperation of her parents to fill out her FASFA.

    Like with me, declaring independence may not be an option with the LW. I am very sorry the LW has to go through this ordeal with her parents. She deserves better treatment, and she is entitled to have a boyfriend. It was very hard, but I developed coping skills to survive until I graduated. I stayed out of the house as much as possible, studying at school and working my part time job. When I was home, I stayed mostly in my room.

    I want to encourage the LW that although it will be difficult, yes you can survive your parents. If her parents permit, moving into an apartment like many students would enable her to have shorter visits home for the holidays. Getting a summer job near campus is also an option. But if your parents force you to move back home for the summer, you can stay busy with a summer job or two.

    I also urge the LW to check her phone and computer to make sure her parents haven’t installed tracking software like these parents did. This college student won a restraining order against her helicopter parents.

    https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/27/aubrey-ireland-restraining-order-parents_n_2372043.html

    #811868 Reply
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    csp

    I think your parents have a “class” problem with your boyfriends. I think they aren’t driven enough for you. Do they not go to college? Do they seem to have no ambition? I think you need to keep them out of your relationship. Do not give them the information. Just live your life and don’t engage with them.

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