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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Partner asks for space few reasons including adult daughters

Home Forums Advice & Chat Partner asks for space few reasons including adult daughters

  • This topic has 23 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 2 weeks ago by Anonymousse.
Viewing 12 posts - 13 through 24 (of 24 total)
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  • #1116054 Reply
    bloodymediocrity
    Participant

    In general, I’m of the opinion that if someone says “I need space from this relationship”, it’s a totally reasonable thing to follow that up with “Ok, but we need to revisit this in 1 week/2 weeks/a month because I don’t want to wait forever”. So if you really don’t want to give this guy up, I think you are being reasonable if you say “Listen, I’m giving you the space you’re requesting, but we need to decide what’s happening in this relationship with X amount of time.”

    That said, I’m also of the opinion that this guy sucks, is shady as hell, doesn’t respect you, and is probably lying to you about lots of things. I think this break should become permanent.

    #1116073 Reply
    Tracey39
    Participant

    Well I just thought to give you all an update… it’s been a very hard week for me mentally I must admit. But I gave him space and he contacted me today. I am relieved. Looking forward to to reconnecting with him soon

    #1116074 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Okay, see what he did there? He got very angry at you and put you on an island, which made you very emotionally desperate, and now he knows you’re going to stop pushing on the meeting his daughters issue.

    What time limit are you going to give yourself for this relationship to be what YOU want before you walk away for good? What does he need to do to make you feel comfortable moving forward? Are you going to be happy if this keeps going the way it has been? Or if he even downgrades it?

    #1116077 Reply
    Anonymousse
    Guest

    Good god I hate seeing women putting all their self worth on what men say to them!

    So now he’s called, he knows you’re not going to push the daughter issue and he’s back on top, getting what he wants from you while you are just a toy he plays with when he’s in the mood to and you’re behaving the way he wants you to. And when he’s not, and you’re not, you’re depressed as hell waiting around for him.

    I’m sorry, that’s a bleak and depressing way of looking at what you’re calling a relationship, but it’s very sad to me. You’ve tied your emotional well-being to a sad sack of a man who doesn’t care to integrate you into his life.

    I don’t think this or he is ever going to make you feel happy for very long. Why not move on and date a guy who makes you feel secure, comfortable, safe, not on edge? Comfortable enough to talk about what you’re really thinking? Can you imagine that? It sounds like you pretend to be happy with what he gives you and when you admit you’re not, he pushes you away and there we go on the merry go round again.

    You don’t have to have a relationship in which you have to act happy. You can have one where you are happy.

    #1116083 Reply
    Tracey39
    Guest

    Wow everyone here are just a bunch of haters. He needed space to process I gave it to him . Yes weird issue but he wanted to do it his way. I respected that. I knowingness emotional connection with this man I never had with anyone Else.

    So while I thank you all with your input no one else knows this man like I do. Yes my emotions where tested high. I should have trusted his words when he said I need space please don’t talentiert the wrong way.

    Majority of information on the internet tfr relationship experts say when a man needs space give it to him and he did.

    Don’t bother replying I won’t read anyone hateful comments . There are a lot of useless man out there but this is the one for me and that’s all that matters

    #1116084 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    It was hateful to ask how long you’re willing to go without him introducing you to his kids? Alrighty.

    #1116085 Reply
    peggy
    Guest

    You asked and people told you what they thought. If you don’t want honest answers, don’t ask. You can of course do as you like/will, but when nearly everyone says the same opinion, you may want to consider they are right.

    #1116086 Reply
    Anonymousse
    Guest

    Remember how your post started “Hi again, everyone.”

    You weren’t happy then. You’re not happy now. You can call me a hater but I don’t even know you to hate you. So that’s not even true. Men aren’t some weird species that need “space to process things.” He just wanted to punish you and make you shut up about his daughters and I bet he got what he wanted. You’ve shut up about it, haven’t you?

    I do think you have low self esteem and are a little sad for staying with a man who doesn’t make you happy or integrate you into his life very much. I wish you valued yourself to see this and get therapy.

    #1116087 Reply
    Anonymousse
    Guest

    You’ll never be at any family event or holiday because the woman he supports financially and sees in public will be there. Does that sound like a happy future for you? I don’t think it does. I think you want to see him on holidays and important events.

    #1116089 Reply
    LisforLeslie
    Guest

    Look, you think he’s great even though he’s keeping you from actually being a part of his collective family. Fine. You can’t go to family events. You aren’t allowed to meet his adult daughters. So fine. When they get married and he goes to the wedding, you’ll sit at home. If they have babies, then he’ll go to their homes and visit his grandchildren that you will never ever meet. Fine. And when they start to host holidays at their homes, maybe some years he’ll stay home with you. Maybe he won’t. When And when he dies, maybe you’ll be allowed to be at the funeral. Maybe not.

    This is what you’re signing up for. If you’re ok with it, then I’m happy for you. But if this guy really loved you, I feel he would give you access to his world instead of keeping you in a girlfriend box.

    #1116090 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Here’s the thing, and if this sounds hateful I’m sorry, but he has all the control and you have none. He knows you’re head over heels for him and wouldn’t leave him. He now knows you’ll put up with him being extremely angry with you and putting you on a time out. He took something he was doing that wasn’t reasonable (not introducing his adult kids to his girlfriend) and managed to turn it around on you where you’re the bad guy and scare the crap out of you so you’ll stop asking for him to do the reasonable thing. If it’s true that this reveal to his daughter was just a coincidence then he had no reason to even be mad at you!

    If I were you, I’d be pushing back hard and setting my own terms.

    #1116094 Reply
    Anonymousse
    Guest

    It’s really sad because there are just so many women with essentially this issue who’ve written in lately. I want to hug them, but also shake them a little, gently. Because you all deserve more and you should get what you want in life. You only get one shot, as Eminem once said. There’s other dudes who will let you meet their kids and/or extended families.

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