“Partner Lies to His Family About Being With Me”

Home / Forums / Advice & Chat / “Partner Lies to His Family About Being With Me”

  • Author
  • Avatar photo
    December 30, 2022 at 7:44 am #1117830

    From a LW:

    “I have been with this guy 1 year dating and 3 years living together- not married.
    My partner is 46 years old divorced and with 4 kids (15), (17), (20) and (21), I’m 30. I have a 14 year old who leaves with us. Since day 1, “Mike” always lies about being with me or my family members to his son/daughter, meaning if we are at a party or family reunion and his daughter calls about something she needs or why he couldn’t make it to see her brothers, he would make an excuse but never say he’s actually with me.
    This affects me because I put every effort towards this relationship but this Saturday 24 my family and I including Mike traveled from Philadelphia to MD for Christmas. One of Mike’s sons texted him and wanted his dad to go with him to the mall to buy last minute gifts, and Mike surprisingly responded that he was on his way to MD to take a broken down car but he was going to see him for sure the next day.
    I felt terrible when I saw that text.
    I want to mention that he’s truly and amazing man but why not say the truth, that he’s with me.”

    December 30, 2022 at 8:45 am #1117834

    Who in Mike’s circle have you met, as his partner? Friends? Any family members? Is he keeping you secret from everyone, or just his kids?

    Something is off here. If he’s truly divorced – have you seen the paperwork? Looked it up on public records? – then he shouldn’t have a problem letting teenage and adult children know he’s in a new relationship.

    If he’s openly lying to them, then I am concerned he’s also lying to you. The most likely thing is he’s still involved with his ex, and she thinks they’re just separated but maybe still somehow together, or could get back together.

    I just don’t get how he’s lived with you for 3 years and what, never had his kids over? The dad next door to me has his kids over all the time. I’ve seen the mom drop them off there and it looks totally friendly. Dad also has a girlfriend, but she doesn’t live there.

    Anyway, I don’t think you should continue to give every effort to this relationship when he’s not giving it legitimacy, not being honest. Have you had a serious conversation about why he’s lying to his kids? Have you told him what you want? That’s the first step. Next step would be to give yourself a timeline for when you’re going to get what you want. Get ready to take the steps to move out on your own. Be prepared to follow through.

    Part-time Lurker
    December 30, 2022 at 9:14 am #1117835

    You mentioned that you’ve been living with this guy for 3 years but only dating for 1. Did you start off as roommates? Is he employed? When does he see his children? A fuller understanding of the situation will help other people give you more accurate advice.

    Avatar photo
    December 30, 2022 at 11:10 am #1117841

    Yes, lots of questions here. LW, can you add more clarification and answer some of the questions above. It would help us give better advice. If you really have never met his kids and you’ve been dating for THREE years, then something is really, really wrong and you probably should have left a long time ago.

    December 30, 2022 at 11:18 am #1117843

    Yikes. I am also a bit perplexed how you’ve ended up living with him for 3 years but only been dating one and the other things?? More details would really help. It doesn’t sound like his is making you happy, you’re setting a terrible example for your child in this arrangement and I think you should trying to leave if you’re able to. This isn’t healthy for you.

    December 30, 2022 at 11:27 am #1117844

    She might have meant they dated one year, then moved in together, and they’ve been living together 3 years now, together for 4 in total.

    December 30, 2022 at 11:54 am #1117845

    Oh yeah, that makes sense.

    And it make it sound even sadder, LW.

Reply To:

“Partner Lies to His Family About Being With Me”

Your information: