Plans for my boyfriend put on hold because his daughter refuses

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  • This topic has 5 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 1 year ago by Anonymousse.
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  • Julia
    May 4, 2023 at 10:08 pm #1119959

    My boyfriend and I decided to move in together. We built bedrooms for his daughters. Now he decides they aren’t going to move in because his daughter doesn’t want to and he just expects me to be ok with it? He says he has no choice and has to wait until his daughter, who is 17, decides to move out and then he can live with me? How am I not supposed to be hurt by this?

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    Lucidity
    May 5, 2023 at 8:01 am #1119960

    I need some clarification before offering advice.

    When you say he decided “they” aren’t going to move in, do you mean his daughters? It sounds like you meant to say “we” as in you and him.

    When you say “we” built bedrooms, do you mean that you personally have financially invested in this home, building it together? Whether or not you’re entitled to part ownership is important.

    Do you know why his daughter doesn’t want to live with you? How long have you been dating?

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    Anonymousse
    May 5, 2023 at 8:07 am #1119961

    You can be hurt by this. Be hurt by this, by all means. You’re allowed to feel your feelings and be angry or disappointed by him.

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    Lucidity
    May 5, 2023 at 8:15 am #1119962

    I can understand feeling hurt when plans for the future are changed on you suddenly. That’s disappointing and frustrating. Therapy would be a good place to process these feelings so that you don’t start to take them out on his daughters.

    However, a man putting his minor children’s needs before his girlfriend’s is a good sign that he’s a caring father. Doubly so if your relationship is newer or the girls are still processing and struggling with the separation from? loss? of their mother.

    If you have a financial stake in the property, you should be talking about him buying you out. Or consulting a lawyer.

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    Anonymousse
    May 5, 2023 at 9:11 am #1119966

    Sure, the daughter should ALWAYS come first, I agree. Even after she’s a minor, quite frankly.

    She asked how is she not supposed to be hurt by this? She can be hurt. Feelings are feelings. She can have them.

    Why would you build a room (?decorate? Actually make four walls?) for a young woman maybe about to move out (what I assume by your 17 year old comment.) ??

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    Anonymousse
    May 5, 2023 at 9:54 am #1119972

    I can understand your feelings. You have to decide what to do now. Can you wait? Do you want to wait for him to move in? It seems like an older teen will probably be moving out soon and there goes your problem. Not that you should ever, ever frame his daughter as a problem to be overcome. You need to accept her and treat her well, or this won’t ever work. If you want a man without children, this is the wrong guy for you.

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Plans for my boyfriend put on hold because his daughter refuses

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