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Dear Wendy

pool insecurity dilemma

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  • #843305 Reply

    Currently I’m in high school and have a boyfriend of almost 2 years (we got together our sophomore year). There’s this pool party that the school is hosting for the students with perfect attendance. We agreed we’d go since we both got the invitation and it was a nice way to not go to school since it’s on a Tuesday. The things is that the day before the permission slip was due, my boyfriend said he didn’t want to go and never told me why. He told me today that he didn’t want to go because he felt insecure about his body since he has out on a few pounds. I was so sad to hear that he felt insecure about his weight. I tried convincing him that he was perfectly fine but he got angry and started saying no matter what I told him he still wouldn’t go. I personally want to go because a few of my friends are going and I don’t want to go to school but my boyfriend wants me to stay at school with him and wait till the summer to go to the pool but he’s being very upset with the topic. What do I do?

    #843307 Reply

    Go to the party. Neither of you will ever look as good as you do right now again. Fucking enjoybit.

    #843309 Reply

    it’s great that he was honest with you.He could have come up with a stupid lie in order to not feel embarrassed, so this shows he really does love you and cares. however, i think it is kind of stupid that he wants u to go to school with him instead of going with your friends. i’m assuming this is your senior year…the best year! u have to live it up! plus you earned this pool party!! you cannot say no to things because someone else says so. if he is a good boyfriend, he will want you to have fun with your friends. trust me you will regret missing out. it does not make you a lousy girlfriend for wanting to have fun! it is up to you but if i were you i would explain to him that you want to go and see what he says. but also make sure he knows that you are not ditching him and are willing to talk to him more about his insecurities. good luck!

    #843329 Reply

    Go to the pool party and enjoy hanging out with your friends.

    I get it. You’re young. Your boyfriend means everything to you. The thing is, friendships are important too. People should encourage their partners to seek out opportunities to spend time with others, not hold him back.

    I would assume you don’t have every class together. He can go a day without seeing you in the halls and/or a class or two. Learn to set appropriate boundaries now, and this is an appropriate boundary. You don’t need to cater to his every whim.

    #843334 Reply

    Make it clear that you’re not getting giving into any kind of ultimatums. I’m sure he’s a great guy but if he gets angry that you go to the pool party then

    1. He’s demanding you behave a certain way
    2. He’s making his happiness your job (no – that’s not how this works)
    3. He’s putting his needs above yours (and for lack of a better phrase – he’s saying you can’t have fun without him – which is total BS).

    Tell him – you want him there. Tell him you’re planning on having a great time – but it would be even better if he were there. Tell him that if anyone wants to bully him – you’ll be the first one to smack the solo cup out of that dickhead’s hand.

    But BGM is right -sucks to be on this side of the hill but man, I want to go back in time and slap myself for ever being insecure about my body or looks.

    #843336 Reply

    Its one thing if he feels insecure and doesn’t want to enjoy the pool party, but to ask you to skip out on fun times with your friends is pure selfish. I would say too bad you feel this way but I love my body and I’m going to have fun with my friends. Just because you are in a relationship it doesn’t mean you cant have your “me time” outside of the relationship, you need to have fun with your friends just like you have fun with for BF.

    #843358 Reply

    I can’t make the math work.

    BF feels bad = doesn’t want to go
    You feel good = want to go

    Somehow BF thinks:
    BF feels bad = you don’t go

    Why does the BF think that HIS feeling should affect YOUR action, when he doesn’t think YOUR feeling should affect HIS action? Him saying you shouldn’t go is the same as you saying that since you feel good about yourself, he SHOULD go.

    You both can be responsible for your own actions based on how you each feel.

    So, go.

    Have fun.

    If he gives you any problem about it, lose him. It sounds harsh, but the reality is that 0.00001% of people end up with their high school GF/BF. Don’t let him pass off his insecurities onto you to manage.

    #843361 Reply

    I’d rather be at the pool than at school. He wants you to be with him because he’s insecure. I really hope you don’t cave and sacrifice a fun day that you earned for the sake of your insecure and jealous bf. He got angry at something so small. He sounds very immature. A bf should be someone who wants the best for you, who supports you, who encourages you. He doesn’t come across that way at all.

    #843366 Reply

    One of the things you’ll learn about insecure people is they try to make their insecurities everyone’s problem. My best friend recently refused to meet me and our mutual friend (who is rarely in town) at a pool party for cinco de mayo because she said she was insecure with her body. She asked if we could do something else, I said no, we already paid for this event and she got upset. I had to tell her her insecurities are her issues, not mine. If she wants to lose weight, she can, but she doesn’t want to badly enough to work out or eat better so I have trouble sympathizing. This happens with my single friends who get upset when the boyfriends join us for events, it makes them “feel bad”. Nicely tell these people it isn’t fair to put you in those positions and that you are happy to support them if they need it, but not if it means you miss out.

    #843371 Reply

    “If she wants to lose weight, she can, but she doesn’t want to badly enough to work out or eat better so I have trouble sympathizing.”


    #843372 Reply

    Yes… Megan will make a GREAT great parent or foster mom to a challenging child. The empathy just gushes from each and every pore…

    #843373 Reply

    There’s also insecure people who deflect their own insecurities by attacking others instead of tackling their own issues, best avoid those sad people as well OP.

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