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Porn is ruining my relationship

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  • #964662 Reply
    avatarSam
    Guest

    Hello! So my story is long.
    Basically, my fiance was caught by me watching teen porn on 4 chan, tor, etc. Mind you these were (16 and 17 y/o fully developed self made videos) I told him there were measures that needed to be taken in order to keep me. These measures include installation of an incognito app on phone that blocks all in private browsing. I have access to his phone 24/7. I have his activity log tagged to my phone so I can see all he searches on the web. However he keeps finding crafty ways to view porn. Like today, I caught him searching hentai on Facebook. This is the 4th time he’s lied to me about still viewing.

    My question is, should I loosen up my restrictions on porn? Am I being toxic and over dramatic? Should I leave? Idk what to do. I have constant anxiety evrrytime I leave the house that he is viewing porn.

    #964664 Reply
    avatarron
    Guest

    You aren’t a match. Isn’t 4Chan a prime coordinating site for white supremacists, or doesn’t that aspect of it bother you?

    #964666 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    Whoa.

    This is actual dark-web underage porn stuff, correct? You leave after the first instance of that.

    Even if this weren’t some gross illegal shit, if you catch the guy lying to you again after agreeing to whatever, you leave.

    Time to go, for real.

    #964667 Reply
    avatarFYI
    Guest

    The “measures he needed to take” were essentially “make me your hall monitor.” WHY would you want to be in a relationship that sets you up to be some kind of private investigator? Policing behavior doesn’t stop the behavior. You’re proving that to yourself every day.

    But never mind all that. As soon as you found out he was looking at minors, you should’ve exited immediately and never looked back. Your comment that the videos are all “self made” is a little alarming. Are you trying to say that these girls know what they’re doing, so it isn’t like he’s looking at kids? DUDE. SIXTEEN. A 16-year-old is far too immature to know what she’s doing. That’s why it’s illegal. Repeat, ILLEGAL.

    Jesus. Ditch this guy. He’s a predator. So awful.

    #964670 Reply
    avatarbloodymediocrity
    Participant

    I’m not sure where you live, but it most places of the world downloading pornography of anyone under 18 (even if “fully developed”) is a really serious crime. Your fiancee is committing crimes. Serious crimes that can land him in prison for a very-very-long time. Your husband is participating in the exploitation of underage girls, likely without their consent*.

    And you’re here wondering if you’re being too strict with your demands?

    This is the largest of red flags, but there are so many crammed into that paragraph it’s hard to know what to address.

    *definitely without their consent in the context that they can’t legally consent to what they are doing due to being underage, but more specifically in the sense that many of these photos were probably upload without their permission.

    #964671 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    Gross. He’s a pedophile! Report him, please for this. Child porn is illegal. 16 or 17 is not okay because you think the children involved look “fully developed.” What the fuck?!?!

    Please report this and leave him and take some time to think and reflect on why you think you stayed with a guy like this. Or stay and get into legal trouble when he gets caught and says you knew all about it and did nothing.

    “Mind you they looked fully developed and were self made videos.” How can you even say that? They are kids!! You have no idea what’s going on behind the scenes of a child porn video. Jesus Christ.

    #964672 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    Also *child porn* isn’t ruining your relationship, your pedophile fiancé is completely and totally in control of his own actions.

    #964713 Reply
    avatarPDX816
    Guest

    You will never trust him. That alone is reason enough to leave. But your partner is a pedophile and a predictor. You need to report him to authorities and leave immediately.

    I also suggest you seek out therapy to try and figure out why looking at underage girls was not an immediate deal breaker for you.

    #964714 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    And to build on PDX’s last point, also figure out why you’d qualify *child porn* with, “fully developed, 16/17 years old, self-uploaded.” None of that makes it ok, or not child porn. Whoever uploaded it, even the kids themselves, even if uncoerced, it’s illegal. It’s illegal for a kid in middle school or high school to send nudes to other kids! It’s child porn. Really examine your motives and beliefs for why you’d make those kinds of excuses to stay with a liar and a consumer of child porn.

    #965057 Reply
    avatarAndrea Letsen
    Participant

    Even here in the UK, where the legal age to have sex is 16, I’m pretty sure there is a law that nobody under the age of 18 can engage in the creation/production/distribution of porn. So even if you’re in the UK, from a legal standpoint – something illegal has happened for that porn to exist.

    The legal age of sexual consent in the UK is seen as a joke to many Brits as it is. How it can be legal to potentially become parents, but illegal to drink, get married (without parents consent), drive, go clubbing or even vote is a mystery to any normal thinking person.

    Regardless of being ‘fully developed’, a 16 year old is still at school, still learning how to navigate social interactions and still learning about sex! Yet you’re happy to be with a partner who enjoys watching these young naive girls be exploited???

    Why aren’t your bags already packed?

    #965312 Reply
    avatarBessMarvin
    Guest

    I agree with all the previous comments about looking at child pornography being an obvious dealbreaker, and just wanted to add: why on earth would you want to be with — never mind marry — someone whose behaviour you have to police like this???

    Swap in any kind of behaviour you strongly object to — say, having an affair, or drinking on the job, or taking up a meth habit, or who knows what else — the relationship is only going to work if your partner AGREES it’s a problem and then stops.

    If you have to monitor his behaviour, find out he’s doing it anyway, undertake further punishments etc…. that’s no way to live. This particular (horrible deal-breaker) problem aside — you can’t trust him.

    Dump him and do some soul-searching as to why your instincts told you to mother/police his behaviour rather than moving on the moment you discovered he was not trustworthy (and also disgusting).

    #966150 Reply
    avatarbrise
    Guest

    And you are still with him? This is so disgusting! Just remove him from your life. I can’t believe you seriously thought it was a good idea to put him under some kind of control for his pulsions. That sounds crazy. Do an immediate upgrade of your existence and get rid of him now.

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