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Dear Wendy

Private cell phones in long term relationship

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This topic contains 97 replies, has 15 voices, and was last updated by avatar TheRascal 1 week, 1 day ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 73 through 84 (of 98 total)
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  • #837134 Reply
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    Vathena

    “when we’ve had that issue come up, he will swipe his fingerprint for me. haven’t had many instances when i can’t use my own phone instead of his.”

    So, you admit that the ONLY reason you absolutely need him to share his password is so you can do deep dives into his messages to confirm what you already know, which is that he’s a cheating liar who gaslights you and treats you like shit.

    You’re getting a lot of people who say we don’t demand our partners’ codes. You think we’re all naive, but really it’s just because we know and trust that our partners are NOT cheating liars. I hope one day you get to experience what it’s like to be in a healthy, trusting relationship. It’s very freeing.

    #837135 Reply
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    Kate

    I mean, you’re right, Sunshine, you basically give your S/O your passcode when you have nothing to hide. You know yours has plenty to hide. You’re RIGHT. Now what?

    #837138 Reply
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    ktfran
    Participant

    I have zero interest in ever reading my husband’s texts or e-mails. ZERO. And vice versa. I have no idea what his passcode is and I could care less. Maybe he remembers mine the couple of times I asked him to reply to a text and my hands were full? Maybe not. Again, doesn’t matter to me.

    So yes, most people only know for practical reasons and overtime, you might remember it.

    Oh yeah, and I’ve never once had doubts in this relationship. If I did, our relationship would likely be over. Who wants to live like that? I certainly don’t.

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 1 day ago by avatar ktfran.
    #837141 Reply
    bagge72
    bagge72
    Participant

    It’s just crazy that you can’t tell the difference between demanding the pass code, and somebody just letting you have it because they trust you. You are right, people probably can do a lot of these things without using their SO’s phone, but they are using it for convenience not as an excuse to check up on them.

    #837142 Reply
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    Ele4phant

    So what if he gives you his passcode?

    That suddenly changes everything, makes him faithful and trustworthy?

    Of course not.

    You already know he is unfaithful and untrustworthy. You already know what you will find on his phone. So what’s the purpose of getting it at this point?

    Just break up with him already.

    #837143 Reply
    Copa
    Copa
    Participant

    you have each other’s codes because it makes you feel better – everyone has doubts at one time or another in their relationship.

    Then please explain those of us who don’t have our SO’s codes and still manage to feel good about our relationships. I’ve never done this with any long-term partner. The idea of reading my boyfriend’s texts sounds like a boring waste of time.

    But if you know better than everyone here, go do you. Keeping going through this same cycle. Let us know how it works out in the end.

    #837144 Reply
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    Ele4phant

    Also for what it’s worth, while I have my husbands code I have never ever looked at his texts or email.

    I’ve never had a reason to, never a reason to distrust him.

    I’ve used it to look at cat videos while I’m on the couch and his phone is closer.

    Could I get up and get my phone? Sure but I’m lazy and we trust one another so I just use his.

    It’s truly not about monitoring him.

    #837146 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    Honestly? The LW is such a shitstirrer, I totally believe she would gleefully pore over each and every text from his children — determinedly looking for ways she was somehow “disrespected” just so she can be a real bitch about it…

    #837148 Reply
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    sunshine883
    Member

    Wow, GayMark, you know me so well. haha your name says it all. feel free to not comment if you are going to be a real bitch.

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 1 day ago by avatar sunshine883.
    #837150 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    Reread your own posts, hon. Then get back to me about how you wouldn’t gleefully tear his daughter to shreds the very first moment you read even a teeny tiny bit of her venting about you… Venting which I, somehow, suspect is quite warrated, by the way.

    #837151 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    And I quote:
    .
    “his daughter has always been rude and cold to me and he knows i have issues with her and him never handling it or saying anything to her about her treatment towards me. she is jealous of the time he spends with me and my sons because they have a dysfunctional past. it’s still a ridiculous reason i think because he basically lives at my house and is a part of my kids’ daily lives and his kids’ interactions with him shouldn’t have to be secretive. maybe that’s it. i feel like a part of his life is a mystery to me. he has daily family texts with his ex wife and kids and i feel shut out of half of his life.”
    .
    You basically outlined exactly why you feel so ridiculously entitled to read them, no?

    #837152 Reply
    avatar
    JD
    Member

    Honey one does not need to be bitter to see what is right in front of them, or in your case what is right in front of you but you don’t have the passcode for. Ha

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