When my dad died, my mom knew most of the passwords but he had lost some motor function and when his standard passwords didn’t work – we assumed he hit wrong keys when trying to set passwords. But which? My mom is extremely calm and composed, sometimes eerily so – but I would hear her cussing out the computer on the regular until she got it all straightened out.
I’ve been giving this so much thought, and basically I’m in the same boat as nearly every poster: I have my husband’s passcode, he has mine. The conversation probably went like like:
Husband: Hey can you text my mom from my phone to let her know we’re on the way?
Me: Cool, I need you code?
(We’re at home, my phone dings on the kitchen counter)
Me, from upstairs: Hey who texted me?
Him, in the kitchen: Your sister.
Me: What does she want?
Him: [Reads text from lock screen]
Me: Can you tell her blah, blah, blah?
Him: Sure, what’s your code?
Maybe it happened that way? I don’t honestly know. It doesn’t matter to me.
What I DO know is that I trust my husband and have no interest in abusing access to his phone. There’s no part of me that feels compelled to snoop through it. Because this level of trust is a two-way street: Not only do I trust him not to do shady shit but he trusts me with information that dissolves a layer of his privacy.
I can’t even picture the following scenario because it feels so ridiculous to be, but if I found him with my phone, unlocked, snooping, I would be SO upset. Not because I have anything to hide but because that is a violation of my privacy and would show deep insecurity and control-issues on his part.
But as so many have pointed out, you have far larger problems in this relationship than a passcode. You need to MOA.