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Problems with my (ex?) best friend

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This topic contains 17 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by avatar JD 2 weeks, 4 days ago.

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  • #810328 Reply
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    ccas
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    I’ve been best friends and apartment mates with this girl, we will call L, for over a year now. Last year we never had a problem with each other, but problems started arising when I broke up with my boyfriend about 5 months ago. My ex and I had the same friend group, and everyone took his side in the break up, including my best friend. She started being cold and mean to me and I talked to her about it and the way it made me feel. She was consistently talking bad about me behind my back to my ex, who is still friends with me, we are on good terms, and he would tell me the things he said, so I brought that up with her too and she decided that it wasn’t her fault that she was talking bad about me, but we ended up talking through it and everything was fine. Everything was fine since then until an incident occurred 2 weeks ago. I borrowed her car to go to the grocery store to buy groceries for us. When I came back, I was not allowed back into the parking lot that we are permitted to park in because of a basketball game at the university, so I asked the parking attendant and the security where I can park until after the basketball game. They directed me and said there was only one lot that I was allowed to park in, so I went there. Just after I parked, I texted L to say that her car is in that lot. She got mad at me for not parking it in the original lot but i explained to her that I wasn’t allowed in, I got stopped by security. She was clearly upset, so I told her I would move it later, and L said that it was fine, shes got it. Fast forward to the next morning, I get a text from L saying that her car got a parking ticket and it was towed. She had not moved the car from the lot. She was very obviously upset at me that I didn’t park in the lot she wanted me to, but i explained again that I had no choice. I told her that I would pay for the stuff, anyways. I told her I would pay for the parking ticket as soon as I got home, she would just have to pull up the form online. She said instead that she would pay the ticket, and I should just give her cash. I said thats fine, and I gave her cash when I got home for the ticket and told her that I would get the money for the towing fee later. She then texted me the next day out of nowhere saying that she doesn’t think she should pay the money for the tow fee. I thought that was weird because I already had told her I would pay, so I asked to talk to her later that night. When we talked, she told me that her car being towed was all my fault and that I need to pay because its my fault. I tried to explain to her again that I had no other choice, and I offered to move it later and she said no, but she continuously cut me off saying she doesnt want to hear the “excuses”. She also told me that her bf knew where to park the car where it would not get towed, and she didn’t bother to tell me where. It turns out they get emails about when and where they can park because they are registered cars on the university campus, and didn’t bother to give me any of that information. I told her, that if she wants to blame me, its fine, I get that she’s mad, but I’m not going to pay the tow fee because I think I’m at fault, but that I’m going to pay it because I know she doesn’t have much money right now, so I will help her with the cost. She responded “its fine, my moms paying for everything anyways, its her car”. I said ok, and ended the conversation, as she said that shes over the whole car situation and that she didnt want to talk about it anymore. Things have been ok since then, but then I found out that she started a GoFundMe, that complained about the car situation, asking people on facebook for money for the parking ticket and the tow fee, after I had already paid for the parking ticket, and her mom paid for everything. I’m not sure what to do about this. Whether or not her mom paid (and if she didnt she lied to me), shes still lying to people online, scamming them for money. She blocked me on facebook so that she could post it without me seeing, but a friend of mine saw it and sent it to me, which is how i found out. She doesn’t know that I know about it, and im not sure where to go from here.

    Edit: I think I should clarify this a bit. I was not friends with her when we became roommates. I met her upon moving in, and we became really close after that. In addition, I cannot move out, I’m on a lease until august. I’m not asking whether or not I should move out or be friends with her. I don’t think shes kinda of a toxic person (due to a rack up of other things shes done recently) and I don’t care to have someone in my life like that. My question I suppose is whether or not the lying online is something I should bring up to her, and if yes, how do I go about that.

    • This topic was modified 2 weeks, 5 days ago by avatar ccas.
    #810331 Reply
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    ron

    I think this friendship is over. Clearly your ex was a bigger part of the friend group than you were and they’ve all decided that you done him wrong. I don’t know how your membership in this group began, but it sounds like at the end you were viewed simply as an appendage of your ex bf.

    #810332 Reply
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    JD
    Member

    Don’t ever expect friends to work out as roommates. It doesn’t. That’s first.

    Second, yes you should pay the tow fee since you used the car. Her not sharing the info she had about where one was to park though really does put it on her. I’d still have paid the fee though personally just to keep things calm.

    That being said she sounds nutty and dramatic but hey, you are in college, people in college are immature.

    I’d find a new living situation and don’t live with friends if you want them to stay friends. That only works in movies.

    #810339 Reply
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    Oracle

    Move as soon as you can. Are you month to month or is there a lease? She is not an honest person and for this reason alone you should end this friendship. Find a new circle of friends.

    #810340 Reply
    Copa
    Copa
    Participant

    I’ve lived with friends before and had things turn out just fine. It just depends on the personalities involved.

    Anyway, if I borrowed someone’s car, and this happened, and their response to me was they would handle the situation, I would at most offer to pay half of the money. It sounds like she knew you parked in a tow zone and that should have been communicated to you. You may have borrowed her car, but withholding information like this and failing to follow up on what she said she’d do is on her, not you.

    When is your lease up? If I were you, I’d want to find a new living situation — this girl sounds batshit and dramatic. She’s not your friend let alone your BST friend. If moving out is not a possibility, keep things civil until you can move out. Don’t borrow her car, don’t use her things. Share the common areas courteously. Quit trying to be her friend. This isn’t a friendship.

    #810341 Reply
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    JD
    Member

    Ya it CAN work, just so often it doesn’t that I think if you really want that friendship to last avoid it. People can be lovely until you live with them, or you just are so different as far as living styles.

    But ya, you do need to change your living situation at this point.

    #810345 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    Eh, you REALLY fucked up with the car. When you borrow something you should make damn well sure you aren’t screwing the owner by parking like a dumb ass so it gets towed. All the rest of this is a red herring. You fucked up with the car. Worse, you then weaseled out of paying for YOUR mistake. No wonder she is not a huge fan of yours as of late. The go fund me thing is odd. I thought that was for real problems — like Cancer, a disease which maddeningly NEVER strikes the right people…

    #810348 Reply
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    ccas
    Member

    Thats the thing though. I paid half and said I was going to pay the other half, I just had to go withdraw some money. She then sent an angry text about how she shouldn’t have to pay, after I had already paid half and told her I would pay the other half. I had full intentions of paying the whole thing, and then she got angry at me?? and then got angry when I tried to pay her and she refused the money.

    • This reply was modified 2 weeks, 5 days ago by avatar ccas.
    #810351 Reply
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    anonymousse
    Member

    Read your rental agreement. You might be able to sublet the room.

    I would really stop worrying about this. You explained where you were told to park the car, and she decided not to move it. She had all of that information. She probably could have fought the ticket, as well.

    I’m all for paying half to keep the peace generally, but she’s scamming her mom, her friends, gofundme and now you. Contact her mother and offer to pay half if you want to clear your conscience.

    #810352 Reply
    Lucidity
    Lucidity
    Member

    I don’t think you should confront her about lying online. You’re only going to cause more bad blood between the two of you. Focus on keeping your head down and getting along until your lease is up and you can get out of there. It’s the responsibility of people who contribute to Go Fund Me campaigns to exercise common sense and realize there’s no guarantee they’re getting the whole story and so they could be getting scammed.

    #810353 Reply
    Copa
    Copa
    Participant

    Yeah, I also don’t think you should confront her about the lying. What she’s doing is shady and wrong, but bringing it up will make this situation worse, not better.

    It sounds like the people you spend time with are all majorly gossipy. Your ex tells you what she says about you behind your back. Your other friend dishes on what she’s doing on Facebook. Tell your friends to stop fueling the fire. I know you’re still in college and people still tend to be immature in their late teens and into their 20s, but good grief, find friends that come with less drama.

    #810355 Reply
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    MaltaKano

    I’d let it go and just stop being friends in the least dramatic way possible. You’re not going to be able to talk through this in a way that makes things any better for either of you. I second the recommendation to stop borrowing or sharing anything and treat it more like a standard roommate relationship. Or try to sublet and gtfo. The good news is you’re in college and can make lots of new, better friends! Go get on that.

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