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Dear Wendy

Prom help

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This topic contains 14 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by Cleopatra_30 Cleopatra_30 5 months ago.

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  • #743000 Reply
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    Anais

    I asked a classmate who I am somewhat friendly with if he would like to go to the prom with me, as friends, over text. I would have done this in person, but he is incredibly, incredibly, socially inept and extremely shy. It’s difficult to speak to him about serious matters in person because it makes him very uncomfortable. As a shy person myself, I feel I can relate to him. We have many similar interests as well. I feel I can understand him. He only has one friend, and is a fairly lonely person.
    After I sent my message, it took two days for him to respond. I saw that he read it seconds after I sent it, but it took forever for him to respond. I had taken his silence as a no, so I told him not to worry about it and that I was sorry that I asked him. He responded that he guesses he would go if I wanted to. By this point, I was so frustrated that I told him that we could figure it out in the months to come before prom (it’s in May).
    After this incident, he began to completely ignore me. He has been extremely rude, and has gone out of his way to avoid speaking to me. He’s become more outgoing, but to everyone but me. I was extremely upset, but also angry that he wouldn’t speak to me. He is treated very poorly by the people at my school, and I am one of the only people who is nice to him. I genuinely care about him.
    Last week I asked him if he wanted to go with me, and he kept saying “it’s fine!” to me. I told him that I didn’t want him to feel like I was forcing him, but he kept shouting “it’s fine!” before running up ahead of me. It was odd and I am now extremely frustrated. I have no idea what to do. I want to go to the prom, but he has been treating me very poorly, and I think I may tell him that I’m no longer interested in going with him.

    #743003 Reply
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    dinoceros
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    I would probably tell him that I was no longer interested. Regardless of how he feels about it himself, it seems pretty likely that he’s going to be rude at the prom itself and that’s no way to spend your prom night.

    #743004 Reply
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    Anais

    I know that’s what I have to do, but what’s stopping me is that I’ve liked him for four years. I finally worked up the courage to ask- even though I just asked as friends- and the whole thing seems to have imploded.

    #743015 Reply
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    Ange

    Well at least you know his true character now. Do people not go to prom by themselves with friends anymore? Half my high school went to our formal stag. Don’t waste your time trying to turn him into a decent guy, awkward or not you don’t deserve to be treated like that.

    #743017 Reply
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    dinoceros
    Member

    I know it’s hard when you have liked someone for a while. The important part is that you took a risk and asked. But asking has shown you that he’s not who you thought he was.

    #743023 Reply
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    Anais

    It’s pretty mandatory to bring a date. All of my friends have dates, so I either have to go with him, find another date (which is pretty impossible), or stay home. I guess I’m okay just staying home but it was something I was once excited about. He’s sort of ruined everything for me.

    #743029 Reply
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    Ange

    When you say mandatory is this a rule coming from the school?

    #743036 Reply
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    Anais

    It’s more of an unwritten rule. I wouldn’t feel comfortable going alone since no one else is.

    #743045 Reply
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    SherBear

    I’d recommend dropping the subject – he knows you want to go with him (or at least did) so if he’s interested he’ll follow up with you and if he does at that point in time you can decide if you want to go or not.

    And not that this is helpful at all but prom is quite overrated – you won’t be missing much if you chose to skip it!

    #743078 Reply
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    LisforLeslie

    Ach, I think he’s being a dick because he doesn’t know what to do with his feelings. Seriously, I remember doing the same thing as a teenager – getting all pouty, sulky when guys I liked would show interest because (as I later figured out) I wasn’t emotionally ready for that kind of attention.

    So I think you have to put him on notice and be prepared for him to be full on dick with a two step prep:

    1. Put him on notice “You have been being a dick to me Example 1, Example 2, Example 3. Stop it because I am going to call you out every time. If you pull this shit in front of our friends – I’m calling you out then and there.” Here’s a good lesson to learn now – you have to teach people how you want to be treated, either by example or by explicit instructions. Don’t be afraid to use the latter when the former doesn’t work.

    2. Be prepared to either go alone (you’ll be fine) or go with him but treat him similarly to your purse. You need to bring one to carry your phone and lipgloss but you don’t need to be attached to it all night and you can leave it at the table and go dance.

    #743111 Reply

    It’s more of an unwritten rule. I wouldn’t feel comfortable going alone since no one else is.

    Eh, I think it feels like that in HS but probably not. Find a group of other girls who are going solo, and go with them. That happens all.of.the.time!

    #743147 Reply
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    Northern Star

    To be honest, it sounds like you would have an absolutely miserable time at prom with this guy if he had agreed to go.

    Do you think someone you’ve described as “incredibly, incredibly, socially inept and extremely shy…” is going to want to dance? Or hang out in a group? You said “it’s difficult to speak to him about serious matters in person because it makes him very uncomfortable,” so you couldn’t even sit there and talk to him, really.

    What’s the draw, here?

    I would cut your losses with this guy, personally. He may be a very good person, but he can’t even talk to you civilly. Just, no. I know it’s disappointing, but I really would bet there are other girls going solo and you could hang with them. Or you could ask your friends if any guys are looking for a date.

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