Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Questioning how i take care of our dog

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Viewing 12 posts - 13 through 24 (of 68 total)
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  • #839948 Reply
    avatarKicia
    Participant

    Yea, I’ve had dogs my entire life and I’ve never heard or thought of wiping a dog after going to the bathroom. I have had to wipe dirty paws but never their parts.

    #839949 Reply
    avatarron
    Guest

    LW — Try therapy first, but I think the real answer here is the one you don’t want to hear. This isn’t going to work. You need to cut your losses and MOA. The cost of doing so — emotionally, financially, and time wasted — is only going to keep rising with time. You can’t fix him. You can’t be his therapy. You obviously can’t stand to live like this, nor should you. It is an extremely bad idea for you to change yourself, constantly walk on eggshells, and constantly abide by ridiculous demands, while always biting back your own frustration. You burst out with on uncontainable retort to frustration from dumb questions and demands, and have had the chance to observe how he reacted. This is going to be your life going forward, either endure his ‘mads’ or always stifle yourself as you nearly explode with fury/frustration and exploding blood pressure puts you in an early grave. “I love him” is not sufficient reason for a mentally healthy person to contort themselves into mentally unhealthy in order to remain with an obviously mentally unhealthy spouse.
    What about this guy led you to choose to marry him? He seems utterly insufferable.

    #839951 Reply
    avatarVathena
    Guest

    Yeah…you ought to back up your birth control SO HARD.

    I congratulate you on recognizing that this behavior is total bullshit, and not falling for his gaslighting. You are not the problem here. Is this seriously the first time he’s behaved this way?

    No one wipes their dog’s ass.

    #839952 Reply
    avatarKate
    Guest

    I can’t tell if he’s just excessively anxious and neurotic about the puppy or if he’s a generally controlling nightmare. But yeah, wiping a dog’s genitals after they go to the bathroom is batshit. And you don’t want to have kids with someone like this. The puppy is a good test, I guess. Hope you get custody. But no, seriously, try counseling.

    #839953 Reply
    avatarKate
    Guest

    Like if poop is sticking to their fur, sure, you have to get in there with a rag.

    #839956 Reply
    avatarDog Lover
    Guest

    Thanks all. Just hearing from others helps me know I’m not crazy. Some of this has always been there, but it’s gotten a lot worse since we bought a house and got a dog. Like he’s always been very particular about cleanliness but never was to this degree when he rented an apartment or when he moved into my condo when we got engaged. Now that it’s his stuff, he’s taken it all to another level. Like if I spill water, if I don’t clean it up to his liking, he asks me to clean it up again. And I’m just like, it’s water!!! It will evaporate! But in his mind it will get into the hardwood floors and cause lasting damage. He’s never yelling at me about things like this, but he says it with a condescending tone, or rolls his eyes, or things like that.

    Everything that Keyblade said really sounds like what is going on. He is critical of everyone else. And I have been going to therapy by myself for a while. I’ve always had tendancies toward depression, and it got really bad about 6 months ago, we had been in the new house for 6 months and the puppy was a few months old. I don’t blame him for my depression, but his controlling and critical nature is definitely a contributing factor. I’ve been on medication since then and it has helped me a lot. I asked him to go to couples counseling with me then, and we went a few times. It helped a little, like we had some better communication tools/scripts to use to work out problems, but the same problems are there. One of the things he said in therapy is that he wished I didn’t bottle things up and would tell him when things are happening that I’m upset. So I’ve been doing that, and now any time I bring something up, he’s like, we’re getting along great? why do you have to focus on that? In therapy by myself, all I’ve been working on is how to deal with him. How to say no, how to bring up things in a nice way so he doesn’t feel attacked, and stuff like that. I really enjoy the therapy sessions, it is the one place I’ve felt like I could really talk. I have told my sister and mom some about what’s going on, but I don’t want to unload all of this on them, and telling mutual friends would be bad too.

    If I didn’t want to have kids so badly, maybe some of this wouldn’t bother me as much. But I’m 32, I need to start soon. I thought I did everything right, ya know? Go to college, get a good job, find a good guy, get married. And now I look at him and the ways things have gone with the house and dog, and I just think of how badly he could emotionally damage our kids, or how he’d talk down about me in front of them, and I can just picture every time I change a diaper that he will have a comment. I’m scared of leaving and never being able to have kids and I’m scared of staying and having kids with him. Not to say that I’m perfect. Like I said, I’ve always struggled with depression. I could just as easily screw up a kid if my depression gets in the way of taking care of their needs. I worry about it all.

    One thing of note, I’ve written in twice before, didn’t get into as much of these issues then as I am now, and got mostly the same responses from womem, concern, advice, etc. BGM thought I was a horrible person so it’s funny that he thinks I’m amazing now.

    #839957 Reply
    avatarDog Lover
    Guest

    To his credit, there is pee on the dogs penis if we don’t wipe it. Usually the dog cleans it himself, but sometimes if I pick him up right after he’s peed, I’ll get a small urine stain on my sleeve. I just don’t particularly care though. Like, he’s a dog, by his nature he comes with some bodily functions. I’ll do laundry and it will be fine.

    #839959 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    Of course there’s pee on it. I’m a neat freak, and I admit I have a real problem with people putting wet things on wood, but it doesn’t bother me in the least if the dog has pee on his dick. I’ve never heard of anyone wiping it.

    Honestly, just reading this post I’d say he’s anxious and compulsive and needs treatment, but the fact that he’s critical of everyone is just not good.

    #839960 Reply
    avatarPoppy
    Member

    So I have a male white schnoodle and sometimes his weenie area turns urine stain but ummhh never ever do i just wipe him after he pees. I give him baths every week or so. And he is notorious for getting dingleberries when the hair around his butt gets long which does require more immediate cleaning. Animals in general can never be thoroughly clean and LW husbands behavior need counseling intervention or this marriage is doomed.

    #839961 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    OMG. You sound miserable. He sounds absolutely exhausting. If you find yourself not talking to your mom/family/friends about what’s going on-to me that shows it’s really, really bad and you know that it is that bad.

    Now is your chance to get out of there. Get a good lawyer and file. Don’t have kids with this man. Having a parent like that would destroy a child, much like it destroying some of your self worth.

    #839964 Reply
    avatarYiggs
    Guest

    Just a wild guess: are you the same letter writer as the one with the husband who wants to claim the names John and Henry? This husband sounds just as strange.

    #839968 Reply
    avatarron
    Guest

    Does your husband walk and care for the dog and do his share of the housework, or does he just excessively supervise you? If you are 32 and badly want kids, that makes it more urgent to MOA quickly if this can’t be fixed. Can you really invest 2, 3, 4 years in trying to fix him. It sounds like he decided to stop going to therapy. He thinks he’s great and you are the problem?

    You’ll never know whether this can possibly work as long as you keep walking on eggs and not being your self for fear of upsetting your husband.

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