Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Questioning how i take care of our dog

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  • #839969 Reply
    avatarron
    Guest

    And… if you wrote in twice before, what name did you use? And yes, if you shade the story and tell only part of it, or change facts for the sake of anonymity, that definitely will change and invalidate the advice you receive. What is the point in asking advice for a ‘fictitious’ half-true or less statement of your problem? There is no point.

    #839972 Reply
    avatarCopa
    Participant

    I have a scruffy/fluffy non-shedding dog, which means his hair grows. When it gets too long, he’ll sometimes end up with poop stuck to his fur and I have to get it off if I don’t want him walking around my place with poopie-butt. I also see the discoloration of his fur from urine so I know there’s a little bit that could probably get wiped off. But I don’t do that because it’s weird and not a big deal. It’s never stained my furniture or anything else that I’ve noticed.

    Your second update was really sad. If you’ve written into an advice site multiple times about your various relationship problems under different names with different details, I suspect your relationship is beyond fixing.

    At 32, you actually still have plenty of time to have children, even if you end up divorcing your whackadoodle husband. I know plenty of people who didn’t meet their now-spouses until their mid-30s, and at least some of those people went on to have kids in their late 30s and early 40s.

    #839978 Reply
    avatarDog Lover
    Guest

    Once was years ago when we were dating. I had built a bar in my condo that I was super proud of and had asked him to help me with the last step. He came in and took over,started explains how to work tools that I already knew, I had built it all by myself up to that point, criticized what I had done, and didn’t understand why I was upset, said he was just being helpful.
    Most recently was about how he asks questions that I don’t think he really cares to know the answer to. I feel like he asks things and only expects one answer and will do whatever he wants no matter what I say. So yeah, I get that writing in multiple times under different names makes it harder to understand what’s going on. I hope it at least comes across that I’ve really been struggling to understand him and figure out how to make this work.

    #839980 Reply
    avatarron
    Guest

    It sounds like you understand him. The prior incidents you describe are of a kind with his current issues. So, this really isn’t all that new with the house and dog, he was that way with your bar, built largely by you, at your place. He just had to be controlling. It also sounds like you should stop trying so hard to make this work, since you’ve been trying for quite a while, ignored red flags, and have made negative progress in changing him over all this time. At 32 you have time, but not really oodles of time to waste on your current lost cause.

    #839988 Reply
    avatarFYI
    Guest

    Did you (LW) notice that you have resorted to medicating yourself to deal with his criticism? There’s an easier way: dump him.

    #839993 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    It does bug me when people write in about a series of issues in the same relationship and use different names. You’re not going to get very good advice that way. Let people have the context to work with.

    It sounds like this guy has some mental health issues that he doesn’t think he has and doesn’t treat, so it becomes your burden, and is detrimental to your own mental health. You’re going to get more and more miserable over time if he can’t acknowledge his problems and get help. He’s making YOU the problem and that’s not sustainable. Do you want kids bad enough to put up with this? Subject your kids to this? You really can’t. It’s not right.

    #839996 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    You can’t fix someone. He’s not going to change. You should never continue a relationship with someone hoping a huge aspect of them will change.

    You should start the process of leaving as soon as you can. The longer you stay with him, the worse things will get. Talk to your friends and your mom. Get out of there and be free.

    #840002 Reply
    avatarDog Lover
    Guest

    I called a divorce attorney and have an appointment tomorrow for a consultation. I think I just needed to write it all down and hear from others that this is not normal. Thank you for the courage. I’m pretty nervous, and also glad right now that I never cancelled my skymiles credit card so he won’t accidentally see this charge.

    #840007 Reply
    avatarPDX816
    Guest

    Good for you, I think this is the right move. His behavior isn’t healthy and you deserve better.

    #840009 Reply
    avatarAnge
    Guest

    Make sure you get custody of the dog, for both of your sakes.

    #840026 Reply
    avatarLucidity
    Guest

    I manage a vet clinic, and for the record: never, ever have any of my vets recommended wiping a dog after they urinate or defecate. Logan is obviously LW’s husband because he is the only person on the planet who thinks this is necessary, let alone normal. We do recommend keeping fur in that area shorter to avoid matting and make it easier for dogs to keep clean, but that’s it. Next time your dog has a vet appointment, make sure you’re both present and ask the vet about it. I’ll bet everything in my bank account that their eyes bug out of their head for a second before they put on their “pretend this client isn’t insane” face and gently explain why wiping is not a thing.

    #840027 Reply
    avatarKate
    Guest

    Like does your husband wipe his own penis? No, right? He shakes it. So does the dog.

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