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Questions about life and success

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  • This topic has 4 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 1 week, 1 day ago by avatarLisforLeslie.
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  • #1034309 Reply
    avatarPatrick Anon
    Guest

    Hi

    If you’ve started reading this please finish it and help me because frankly I’m so scared and I need help.

    I am a 16 year old male living in the USA. I’m fairly lucky to live in a great area with a great school and While I wouldn’t consider myself rich Im fairly well off (combined family income is between 100 and 120k)

    I’m really into computer science and technology and I’m good at it too. Over the past three years I’ve won 4 awards at the state level in CS research and this year I won first in state. I also won a big competition against college students at an Ivy League college. This upcoming winter I’m presenting my one of my research in CS at a conference at a top 10 college in the US for STEM. I’m leaving details out so I can remain anonymous.

    But I feel so useless and very irregularly motivated. I’m also addicted to porn. I don’t watch it frequently but I watch it frequently enough that it’s become something normal to me. I wish I had never started.

    I know that with my skillset I could very very easily coast through A CS degree in college and land a job at a big tech company like Google or Facebook as a programmer with a great salary, and after a few promotions I’d be very well off. I’m not saying that this would be easy just that it wouldn’t be so difficult for me. I could spend a large chunk of my time in college having fun and going to parties and hanging out with friends (within reasonable limits) and still end up rich and living a comfortable life.

    But this also scares me.

    If I put in tons of effort in these next 10 years, before getting married I could be ceo or cto of a company and be in a far greater position with better autonomy, respect, etc. I know I have a good shot at doing it but I’m so scared because business is hard. Far harder than getting a 4.0 gpa. Add on top of this the irregular motivation (this might just be because of covid) and the addiction to porn, I don’t know if I have the consistency and discipline to reach these goals. Please help 🙁

    #1034332 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    Are those even your goals though? I think with your degree and skills you have the luxury of being able to play it however you want. You could probably make plenty of money at a behind-the-scenes coder job and live a comfortable life without trying to climb the corporate ladder and be a CEO. Or you can climb for a while and then just stay where you’re comfortable. Or start your own business. You’re going to be surprised to find a career isn’t necessarily a straight line up all the way.

    I think what you need right now is to deal with your anxiety or whatever it is with a counselor. You don’t need to be getting this stressed out at 16 over exactly which path you’re going to take in life. Just keep taking the next step and the next step after that and you’ll be fine. Not only do you not need to figure this all out right now, it’s actually a bad idea to try to do so.

    #1034341 Reply
    avatarLisforLeslie
    Guest

    Agree wholeheartedly – do not plan your life out right now because life is going to throw shit in your path and the best thing for you to do is learn how to deal with shit being thrown in your path.

    It’s great that you love computers and programming and all that fun stuff. That does not mean you’ll be a CEO or even a CTO. And you don’t have to be. I work for a huge tech company – our CEO does not know how to code. In fact, most of the c-suite didn’t come up from the coding ranks and if they did, their skills are waaaaaay out of date.

    A comp sci degree will help you open doors but it’s not going to drive the rest of your life and life is going to present you with an endless supply of decisions, focus on the information you have at the time, seek out more if possible, make a decision based on the information and then go forward with, hopefully, as few regrets as possible.

    #1034343 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    And definitely do deal with your mental health issues, because those could derail you. I don’t know if you’re addicted to porn or have motivation issues or ADD or what, but obviously you’re worrying a lot and maybe getting into destructive thought patterns. You can get help with that.

    #1034379 Reply
    avatarLisforLeslie
    Guest

    Yes yes yes, I was not explicit enough – when I say “learn how to deal” you need to build coping skills. You’ve created a whole life plan at 16 and it’s a life plan that you don’t seem to want. I think you need to talk to a professional about your anxiety and the pressures you are feeling and whether those are internal or external and how to deal with both.

    If your parents are less than receptive – look online for lower cost and remote options.

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