That’s weird, once you’re married..I think watching someone’s exs stories is really, really weird Copa. Unless you’re social friends? Maybe he mutters your name in his sleep or holds a torch for you.

I think it was this: https://dearwendy.com/topic/fiancee-no-longer-wants-to-get-married/page/5/

Hey guys, I know I’m antagonistic often. I’m trying to be better. I know I question, pester and can be very annoying. It’s how I am really good at other things in my life. Sometimes I go too far. I’m truly sorry if I’ve offended you Fyodor (and anyone else.) I know I can be a brat and a bitch.

But I genuinely am trying in my own way to offer my perspective- a white woman who has indeed faced some interesting circumstances in my 4 decades of life, that I think give me some kind of unique and sometimes paranoid perspective-I’ve been through some shit with men. We all have our differences. I know sometimes I get testy and probably mean and mocking even- but I am not trying to bully people off your site, Wendy. I’m really sorry.

This is an aside sort of, but I deal with a lot of male bullshit to this day- at 40, at work with rings on the right fingers and everyone actually knows my husband because he used to work in the location I am now working in. It’s almost been 9 years since I was working full time before. So, a decade. It’s been shocking to me how people talk to me in PA. I still get hit on, by coworkers, strangers and I even try to make it good, laugh it off, point to my ring finger and give an easy out. And some men get it, but most still say they would! I’m not a barmaid or stripper, not that they even deserve that but context. This is not where I thought we, as a society would be by now. I think a lot of men assume things are different for women now, but they really haven’t changed much in my life, day to day. And I don’t work in a male dominated industry, although sadly my location has a lot of little boys in it now.

Even rereading this, I don’t think my/the female take on this was wrong, although I definitely should have stopped arguing with Fyodor. Sorry, buddy. Happy New Year, I hope you’re doing okay.

I am sorry about the barmaid/stripper comment. That wasn’t cool, either.

It does annoy me a lot when commenters seem to totally discount that women have dealt with so much BS and do have a reliable instinct about things. I guess it’s hard to understand if you haven’t experienced it, or need it to survive. That makes me want to argue.

Honestly don’t be nice to men at work. We know from reading these forums that smiling and making eye contact and generally being “nice” and sweet are seen as indicators of romantic interest. Don’t even say you’re married when they make these advances. Just look at them. Ask if we have an HR issue if someone does that more than once.