AnonymousseJanuary 3, 2023 at 9:33 pm #1117915
That’s weird, once you’re married..I think watching someone’s exs stories is really, really weird Copa. Unless you’re social friends? Maybe he mutters your name in his sleep or holds a torch for you.KateJanuary 4, 2023 at 8:12 am #1117917
I think it was this: https://dearwendy.com/topic/fiancee-no-longer-wants-to-get-married/page/5/AnonymousseJanuary 4, 2023 at 9:12 am #1117919
Hey guys, I know I’m antagonistic often. I’m trying to be better. I know I question, pester and can be very annoying. It’s how I am really good at other things in my life. Sometimes I go too far. I’m truly sorry if I’ve offended you Fyodor (and anyone else.) I know I can be a brat and a bitch.
But I genuinely am trying in my own way to offer my perspective- a white woman who has indeed faced some interesting circumstances in my 4 decades of life, that I think give me some kind of unique and sometimes paranoid perspective-I’ve been through some shit with men. We all have our differences. I know sometimes I get testy and probably mean and mocking even- but I am not trying to bully people off your site, Wendy. I’m really sorry.
This is an aside sort of, but I deal with a lot of male bullshit to this day- at 40, at work with rings on the right fingers and everyone actually knows my husband because he used to work in the location I am now working in. It’s almost been 9 years since I was working full time before. So, a decade. It’s been shocking to me how people talk to me in PA. I still get hit on, by coworkers, strangers and I even try to make it good, laugh it off, point to my ring finger and give an easy out. And some men get it, but most still say they would! I’m not a barmaid or stripper, not that they even deserve that but context. This is not where I thought we, as a society would be by now. I think a lot of men assume things are different for women now, but they really haven’t changed much in my life, day to day. And I don’t work in a male dominated industry, although sadly my location has a lot of little boys in it now.
Even rereading this, I don’t think my/the female take on this was wrong, although I definitely should have stopped arguing with Fyodor. Sorry, buddy. Happy New Year, I hope you’re doing okay.AnonymousseJanuary 4, 2023 at 9:12 am #1117920
No, he still chips in. I didn’t spook Ron, I guess.AnonymousseJanuary 4, 2023 at 9:14 am #1117921
I am sorry about the barmaid/stripper comment. That wasn’t cool, either.KateJanuary 4, 2023 at 9:22 am #1117922
Ron has commented recently.KateJanuary 4, 2023 at 9:29 am #1117923
It does annoy me a lot when commenters seem to totally discount that women have dealt with so much BS and do have a reliable instinct about things. I guess it’s hard to understand if you haven’t experienced it, or need it to survive. That makes me want to argue.AnonymousseJanuary 4, 2023 at 9:40 am #1117924
I have been talking about this with my friends recently. It’s mostly men older than me that behave this way now, but it’s daily. Daily a married woman with obvious rings who hates the idea I need that as protection still gets sexually propositioned at work and just in life…I am in a way looking forward to the crone stage of life. I dress in jeans and a sweater, no cleavage and I have zero boobs. I am too nice, I think. I asked a younger male coworker if I came off as flirty or nice, and he said at first he thought so because he doesn’t generally meet a gregarious happy woman, ha! (I’ve only been working 4 weeks so that may go away!) but that he quickly realized I’m just really nice to everyone. But he said other men may think I am flirty. I truly don’t flirt, I’m just helpful, smiley and nice.
I love men, truly. But I don’t like the creeps. I miss you fyodor. I’m sorry I was mean and a jerk.KateJanuary 4, 2023 at 9:43 am #1117925
Honestly don’t be nice to men at work. We know from reading these forums that smiling and making eye contact and generally being “nice” and sweet are seen as indicators of romantic interest. Don’t even say you’re married when they make these advances. Just look at them. Ask if we have an HR issue if someone does that more than once.KateJanuary 4, 2023 at 9:45 am #1117926
And feel free to say very directly, “no, not interested.”