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Dear Wendy

Quit rugby or move out

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This topic contains 5 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by avatar Ange 1 week, 2 days ago.

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  • #807344 Reply
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    Jen

    Hi all,

    Needing some advice. I used to play rugby when I was a young girl and my mum and dad used to take me to training/games all the time. Eventually I grew out of it as I got older due to school exams etc. However, in the past few years I have picked it back up again (only playing non-contact though).

    Anyway, I’m now 20 (still living at home, paying rent, until I can afford to move out) and at the start of this year I decided to get properly back into it and joined a local women’s team and started training and eventually playing games. As much as my mum never came to my games, she never said she didn’t like me playing.

    Anyway a couple of weeks ago I sprained my ankle going into a tackle (just a minor sprain). And this evening after coming home from work my mum started shouting at me out of nowhere, telling me to either quit rugby or move out. I understand why she is upset as she doesn’t want to see me get hurt but I can’t seem to get any words in edge ways to talk to her calmly about this without getting upset.

    I really enjoy playing the sport but I don’t want to fall out with my mum or hurt her feelings in anyway. I don’t particularly think she wants me to move out by any means, however, we haven’t spoken since she shouted at me earlier and I don’t know how to go about discussing this as I know I need to consider other people’s feelings and not just what I want to do.

    I’m quite upset because me and my mum have a close relationship and we don’t fall out very often and I don’t want something like this to cause us to argue.

    Any help would be appreciated.

    #807346 Reply
    juliecatharine
    Juliecatharine

    Nope don’t cave on this. You’re an adult who enjoys playing a sport. It’s not a high risk activity given that it’s no contact. Your mom is 100% wrong but if she wants to make this an issue you should move out. In all likelihood this will blow over but in case it doesn’t start looking for a place you can afford to live.

    #807348 Reply
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    Jen

    I am playing full contact now. Apologies, I did not make that clear.

    #807349 Reply
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    JD

    Then she has a point. That is crazy dangerous. That being said odd reason to say move out. She is probably just scared something will happen to you and isn’t expressing that right. Sit and talk to her. Explain you’re careful and you’ll be ok.

    #807352 Reply
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    dinoceros
    Member

    Does your mom have other stuff going on in her life right now that is stressful? Whenever my mom used to yell at me about dumb stuff, it was usually because she was just stress overall. When someone you normally get along with reacts that way, it’s usually good to just talk to them first.

    Tell her you were surprised she reacted that way, that she hadn’t indicated she had a problem with it before, and maybe ask if she truly wants you to move out over this. Parents might not like things adult children do, but unless it’s something that’s really affecting them, it’s not really appropriate to try to forbid them from doing something.

    Sometimes parents get upset over the fact that you’re grown and leaving the nest eventually and going out into the world, and they try to take the last bit of control they have to deal with that worry. For her, it’s your living situation. But if your mother truly wants there to be some sort of deal where she can control this kind of stuff if you live there, you maybe should speed up the moving out process, like by finding roommates or something.

    #807365 Reply
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    Ange

    Man I got myself two knee operations just playing softball. There isn’t a sport out there that doesn’t carry an element of risk, hell I sprained my ankle walking into my house once. That said you can try talking to your mum and find out why she doesn’t like you playing rugby. Is it that she’s worried about injury? Is she somehow concerned hanging around with rugby girls might make you like them? That’s a left field one but rugby, like softball, has a pretty strong lesbian element and some more conservative parents struggle with that. Again, left field but you never know.

    Ultimately you can try and understand each other and come to an agreement but it’s her house and her rules so I suggest you go into negotiations with an open mind and a conciliatory nature.

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