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Realized I liked his friend more…I ended things, can I make a move?

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice Realized I liked his friend more…I ended things, can I make a move?

This topic contains 45 replies, has 11 voices, and was last updated by avatar JD 3 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #749047 Reply
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    Kathy

    I met a guy at a bar on St. Patrick’s Day. Let’s call him Bill.
    I ended up going back to Bill’s house, we hooked up but I don’t really remember it due to the copious amounts of alcohol I consumed.
    The week after he invited me out with his friends, it was fun- we went back to my place and had tipsy sex. It wasn’t good. I wasn’t really into it physically, but he was so nice, kind and fun that I wanted to give him a chance. It had been a while since I met someone in real life, and not through dating. I didn’t want to be shallow and stop things just because the sex wasn’t that good.

    We ended up going on a date but refrained from hooking up because I still wasn’t so sure….later in the week he invited me out to meet up with his friends at a bar.
    That’s when I met his friend, we’ll call him, Conor.

    Conor and I immediately hit it off. We talked all night, and we were shuffle board partners despite Bill being there. I wasn’t ignoring Bill but I was definitely giving more attention to Conor. Everything I was feeling towards Conor, I realized I should have felt with Bill. By the end of the night, I did not want to go home with Bill- what I really wanted to do is get Conor’s number. I don’t even think Conor had any idea what was going on with Bill and I. Conor and BIll went to high school with each other, but I’m unsure how close they are.

    Anyways, long story short- Bill asked if I wanted to go back to his place. I said how about mine, where I played sick and we went straight asleep. I told myself I’d tell Bill in the morning that I can’t see us going further. It was hard, but I did it. I simply told him that I can’t date him, if I’ve got someone else on my mind and that he deserves better.

    I couldn’t get Conor off my mind. So I found him on Facebook and said this “Hey! This is Kathy from last night. It was a great time. I regret not getting your number. So here’s mine: _______ Text me if you ever want to grab a drink!”

    He read it, but it took him a day to respond with this: Kathy! Friday night was a lot of fun. You are a shuffle board partner haha. My number is ________. Give me a shout sometime we will do it again!

    So what do you think? Is it right for me to reach out? Should I wait? Did he give me his number instead of getting mine to not come off as rejecting me??? I don’t know what to do. I’m not sure how close Bill and Conor are?? It’s driving me nuts because I really feel like Conor and I would be great for each other.

    #749048 Reply
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    Essie
    Participant

    It’s not like Bill was your boyfriend, you only knew him for two weeks. There’s no reason you can’t date his friend.

    #749049 Reply
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    JD

    What the heck is the point of inviting Bill to your house just to play sick? Grow up and be up front with people. Good grief. Also, please use protection and birth control.

    #749050 Reply
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    Kathy

    I didn’t want to do it when he was drunk or when I was drunk! That’s why I waited till the morning.

    #749051 Reply
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    dinoceros
    Member

    You barely know Bill, so it’s fine to date his friend. Conor gave you his number and told you to contact him, so if you want to, do it. I don’t think you’ll have the answer to any other questions until you contact Conor. I dated a guy for a few weeks, and then a year or two later, ended up dating his friend. It wasn’t a big deal.

    Side note: In terms of having Bill over, I think in the future a better solution would have just been to tell Bill you didn’t want to spend the night together (for whatever reason). Even if you don’t hook up, inviting someone to spend the night with you typically does imply interest. You wouldn’t have had to necessarily go into a whole conversation about not being interested at that time.

    #749053 Reply
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    kathy

    Thanks dinoceros!!Looking back on it, I wish I would’ve thought of it then. I just didn’t want to start anything while intoxicated. Now I know!! I’ll just make up an excuse of not being able too like you said and then have the conversation sober.

    #749057 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Ok, to get right to the point, I don’t think Conor is interested. You straight up gave him your number and told him to let you know if / when he’d like to get a drink. He took a while to reply, kept it on FB instead of texting you, and was kinda like, …yeah, let’s do shuffleboard again, haha, instead of taking you up on the drink and trying to set a time. He seems like he’s being polite.

    Some guys will totally go out with someone their friend dated/hooked up with, some won’t. This guy probably doesn’t even know you hooked up with Bill^ but either way he seems uninterested. I would like, not reply to his lame message and give him a chance to be like, “shit, I blew it with that lame message, let me text her and ask her for a drink.” If he doesn’t, let him off the hook easy instead of following up.

    Also, whyyyy are you going home wasted with strangers? Maybe I’m being judgy, but that feels unsafe.

    ^I want to revise this and say he probably does know. Likely Bill was like, oh this girl Kathy is meeting us here tonight, I met her in a bar on St Patrick’s Day and she went home with me and we banged. That said, some guys won’t care about that. Some will. But yeah, he probably is aware.

    #749058 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    But I mean, sure, follow up ONE more time if you want, juuuust in case he’s playing it coy because of his boy or whatever.

    #749060 Reply
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    anonymousse
    Member

    “I don’t want to tonight, I’m feeling sick.”

    “I’m sorry, but I really need to sleep tonight.”

    “No, thanks. I need my own bed”

    You absolutely should stop going home with strangers you meet at bars when you are wasted. That’s really not safe, and it’s not really you at your best, you know? I mean, meet a dude at a bar when you are wasted, get his number and make a point to text him the next day and get a coffee or drink with him and stay soberish. Get to know the man. The chemistry you felt with Conor, reciprocated, should be what you are looking for.

    Are you sure he had no idea about Bill? Guys brag. Or otherwise stake a claim. If I* met you at a bar, and liked you, but knew about you + Bill, or saw you leave with my high school friend, I’d cross you off my potential dating list. I mean…even if you weren’t dating Bill, or in a relationship, I am not sure I’d want to be going to bonetown with someone who banged my buddy the night before.

    I guess you have nothing to lose, so why not text him to meet up with a specific date and time.
    *im a married lady.

    #749070 Reply
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    LisforLeslie

    DRAH-MAH. OK – I get it, you and Conor had a connection, but you are really just kicking Bill to the curb and then spitting in his face with your actions. I mean, maybe it will all work out but wow. And how do you know you actually had a connection – you were drunk. Maybe not as drunk as the night you went to bed with Bill – but you clearly don’t have the best judgement when drunk.

    Do you think that Conor is leading you on so he can do to you what you did to his friend?

    I mean, I get it but damn. And I’ll say this, if Conor isn’t clearing it with Bill then he’s a pretty shitty friend.

    #749095 Reply
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    Northern Star

    I bet that Conor isn’t interested in actually dating the drunk chick who was banging his buddy.

    Try to have a little more respect for yourself. The alcohol-soaked decisions you’re making are not going to result in a lasting relationship.

    #749097 Reply
    Copa
    Copa
    Participant

    You knew Bill for a few weeks and only went out a few times. He wasn’t your boyfriend. You’re free to do what you wish.

    I don’t know if Conor is interested in you. However, I think you need to slow your roll. You met him once and feel you could be really great for one another? You’re making way too much out of one fun night of drunken conversation/banter/whatever. I don’t think it hurts to reach out again. Right now you’re driving yourself nuts trying to read between the lines and asking strangers what his behavior really means. We can speculate, but we don’t know. But I think you’d have to be willing to ask him to do something concrete, not just meet you for a drink “sometime.” If he’s interested, he’ll go or try to reschedule if he’s busy. If he says now and is vague, you can assume he’s not interested. If you’re direct in your message, you’ll have an answer, even if it’s an outright or polite rejection.

    Not going to judge you for your drunk behavior, but getting plastered and sleeping with guys isn’t a great way to find a a compatible guy for a relationship, if that’s what you’re looking for.

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