December 5, 2018 at 9:52 pm #811058
Hi all, I was hoping for insight from both men and women. I;ve been seeing this girl for about 3-4 months. We arent official, we hang out, we’re intimate, we sleep over, run errands together, etc. We both recently got out of a LTR and agreed we didnt wanna rush into anything.
This is my problem. We’re both 27. She’s a very attractive girl, she’s well dressed, friendly. She works in IT sorta, so there are mostly older men as coworkers. She’s mentioned to me a few times that her bosses or coworkers will often invite her and other female staff out for lunch, a show after work, this or that, and she goes. Sometimes alone, sometimes with another girl and sometimes as a group.
My problem is that theres an extremely high chance that these older men are taking these young attractive girls out because they have other intentions with them. I mean, to me it seems obvious.
So, she is either aware of the possibility and just ignores it. Or she knows it and likes the attention. Or she is naive and sheltered that these guys are likely creeping on her. It happened the other day again and idk, it grosses me out, it makes me uncomfortable. Tbh, im not sure if i wanna see her anymore.
I know i am cynical and neurotic, but i feel like theres some truth in my concerns.
Let me know what you guys think.
Thank youDecember 6, 2018 at 8:12 am #811079
What are you concerned about? The fact that she’s interacting with men who want to sleep with her? Would you rather she never interact with men at all? Because that’s really the only alternative here.
In your list of possibilities you forgot “Women are forced to interact with creepy men in our culture and don’t really have a say in the matter, especially when it comes to furthering their careers”.December 6, 2018 at 8:32 am #811080
Uh. Maybe she just wants to go. Or realizes that after work socializing happens. I don’t even know what you expect anyone to say or what your problem is. If she said she doesn’t like it that’s one thing. And the “maybe she likes the attention” part is insanely judgmental. FYI, everyone likes attention.December 6, 2018 at 8:45 am #811083
You guys aren’t in a relationship. If you want this to change, you need to talk to her.
If you are uncomfortable because she has a nice relationship with her coworkers, it’s not her fault. She doesn’t have to live her life to make you comfortable. I work with mostly, male coworkers and they always treat me to lunch, bring me gifts, etc, and I do the same for them. I can assure you none of them have other intentions with me. We just have a nice working environment.
And really, you would do better leaving her alone. I am absolutely sure she doesn’t need a whiny dude telling her what to do.December 6, 2018 at 8:48 am #811085
And here we have a creepy (probably white) man projecting his own creepiness. No, don’t make it “official” with this woman. She doesn’t need your BS in her life.December 6, 2018 at 8:49 am #811086
So what you’re saying is that the only reason that male coworkers invite female coworkers out is because they want to sleep with them?
And you’re upset because your totally not-in-any-kind-of-committed relationship person accepts these invitations because she may enjoy going out with the coworkers? Or she may be too stupid to understand how the world works?
What the fuck is wrong with you? Seriously. ‘
You’re playing “white knight” to a damsel that is neither in distress nor in need of aide. Stop that. If she says she’s uncomfortable or she’s not happy with the situation, OK, but it sounds like she’s just going out and having a good time. Which she’s entitled to do whether or not you are “official”.December 6, 2018 at 8:52 am #811087
Agree @ale. I have mostly worked with men and we go out to eat, they bring me lunch (I couldn’t leave the office many times), I make them baked goods (mainly because I like to eat some but don’t want to consume the whole batch, and they of course like it as most are single and don’t even cook). It really isn’t weird. None are or have trying to hit on me. Perhaps in the back of their mind they would if it they thought it would get them somewhere but I don’t give that off so nothing was ever tried.December 6, 2018 at 8:59 am #811088
I bet he also works in IT and has bad intentions with women in general.December 6, 2018 at 9:11 am #811094
She goes out to lunch with coworkers. And this is a problem for you, because of your perceived intentions from these men you don’t know at all? Because the only reason a male coworker would have lunch with a female coworker is because he’s trying to creep on her?
You’re the problem. You’re the creep.December 6, 2018 at 11:32 am #811112
Ew. She’s not your girlfriend. She’s free to take men up on invites — platonic OR romantic — whenever she wishes. It is not at all uncommon to socialize with coworkers, even when they are opposite gender or a bit older or younger. Is she supposed to stop socializing with male friends now that she’s casually seeing you? If you don’t want to see her anymore, don’t. You’re probably doing her a favor.December 6, 2018 at 4:01 pm #811157
It doesn’t matter if it is the LW “Official” girlfriend or not. That possessiveness is a pretty serious violation whether they are casually dating, seriously dating, or completely married.December 10, 2018 at 8:05 am #811573
“Theres an extremely high chance that these older men are taking these young attractive girls out because they have other intentions with them.”
My daughter, who is three, is a “young girl.” The 27-year-old co-worker you’re casually seeing is a woman. There’s a fucking difference and it matters.
- This reply was modified 2 months, 2 weeks ago by Dear Wendy.