December 10, 2018 at 5:54 pm #811650
Only — somehow — they always DO think it’s cheating. Like this letter…December 10, 2018 at 5:59 pm #811651
It makes me sad and pessimistic that there are still young men* that are so possessive and apt to infantilize adult women. If this is where a lot of guys are at, we really haven’t made much progress at all…
*I assume this man is young, although maybe he’s another creepy 60 year old which is why he’s so worried about other creepy old men. If that’s the case, please all die off quickly.December 12, 2018 at 8:56 pm #811800
First of all if you you have doubts, that’s usually definitely a sign to not go further into a relationship with that person. Second, like it or not, it is definitely not your place to be like that to her or judge her decisions like that. You’re barely even dating lolDecember 13, 2018 at 12:04 pm #811875
Oh goodness, I’m 28 years-old and I don’t understand this ‘not official’ business nor do I consider myself a young girl anymore!
I work in tech too and well… being a young-ish attractive woman in a mostly male space gets you a fair amount of positive attention at times! And positive attention is okay as long as people aren’t crossing any professional boundaries or giving preferential treatment based on looks and things like that. Going out with colleagues for lunch is not a professional boundary being crossed… Also, you say that there’s an extremely high chance men take her out because she’s attractive without citing any evidence whatsoever (maybe it’s because you know…. she’s talented? Or interesting? Or maybe SHE is asking them to lunch too to pick their brains at times?). I think you may be assuming too much and these male colleagues may very well be professional and respectful towards her! Your of Mike Pence-esque thinking is what prevents women from getting good mentoring and networking opportunities, ESPECIALLY in tech where there aren’t enough women leaders as is! So stop projecting your gross ideas about women in tech, good grief.
Additionally, WHY DO YOU CARE if she likes the attention. I certainly doubt you’d be scandalized if women colleagues were taking you out to Panera bread from time to time. Stop infantalizing her by assuming she’s naive, sheltered, attention seeking, etc. for god forbid, DARING to spend time with colleagues of the opposite sex sometimes.
And please, follow your instincts of not wanting to see her anymore. You’re being way too possessive and judgmental about her and she deserves better. Please do some soul searching before agonizing over another woman that dares to have a job and talk to the people she works with!December 13, 2018 at 12:07 pm #811877
You’re one of those “nice guys” aren’t you?December 13, 2018 at 12:53 pm #811882
“We’re both 27. She’s a very attractive girl,”
Let’s get this straight. She isn’t a girl, she’s a woman. She’s a 27 year old woman and has enough years of dating experience to handle her coworkers. Are you perhaps dating out of your league and you feel threatened by the men she works with? Do you think she’s quite a bit better looking than you?
“So, she is either aware of the possibility and just ignores it. Or she knows it and likes the attention. Or she is naive and sheltered that these guys are likely creeping on her.”
Of course she’s aware that some men may find her attractive. That doesn’t mean she will act on it or that they will act on it or that she can’t deal with it if someone does make a move. Do you really think she is so naive and sheltered that she can’t tell the difference between a nice guy and a creepy guy? Or, are you a creepy guy and she can’t tell so you worry about all the other creepy guys? Might the guys just be acting professional and your not official friend, who I won’t call a girlfriend, is also being professional? Could it be that there is a good workplace culture and the coworkers like and respect each other and enjoy socializing together every so often? That’s what happens where I work. Wouldn’t it be sexist if the guys only invited other guys to go out? Wouldn’t it be seen as an old boys club that was set on promoting only men?