Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Relationship Help

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This topic contains 18 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by avatar anonymousse 3 months, 4 weeks ago.

Viewing 7 posts - 13 through 19 (of 19 total)
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  • #845318 Reply
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    Essie
    Participant

    Can I ask how old you are?

    #845319 Reply
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    FYI

    “I’ve never really cared a lot about myself or others.”

    You know this is fix-able, right? I hate to be blunt, but do you want to wallow in crap or do you want to fix it? That’s what your question is really about; it’s not about this guy.

    I am 100% serious about this. Do you want to have a good life or not? And don’t give me some BS about “I’ve never had X.” I mean from this point forward, yes or no, which is it?

    #845320 Reply
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    Melly

    I’ve tried to fix it and it hasn’t worked out before and I’ve always had trouble with people even if I’ve gotten a bit better considering I perform a lot as a music student and have to be at least a little bit confident in my abilities to achieve something. I want to make things better but I don’t know how.

    #845322 Reply
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    FYI

    Brava, girl. If you want it to be better, it will be. That’s the first step.

    Next, stop talking/ thinking about how things have been in the past. I know that’s easier said than done, but when you catch yourself doing it, tell yourself, “That was then. This is now.” You can’t get better if you keep reinforcing how bad things have always been. It simply does not help; it’s not going to get you anywhere but worse off.

    Finally, get a therapist. When you didn’t know how to play music, you went to a teacher to learn, right? When you don’t have life skills, you go to a therapist to learn them. It’s the same thing. If you’re a student, go to the counseling office. If not, go online and find one. Or at LEAST, read a book. Go to the library and see what titles appeal to you in the self-help aisle. Go to amazon and see what the best-selling self-help books are — which ones have been most helpful to people. Buy two or three.

    One more thing… if you’re good enough to perform in front of audiences, then use that as a way to connect with people. Talk to people about music, if that’s something you love. Talk to anyone you can about it — kids even. That will get you used to interacting in the real world.

    Most of all, stop saying “it’s always been like this; it won’t change.” Just STOP saying that. It’s not helping you.

    #845324 Reply

    How have you tried to fix it?

    What is it, exactly about this guy that makes him worthy of your time? I notice you haven’t really said anything specific about him.

    It’s interesting to me that he says he would never do an online relationship, yet here you are. He basically just gave himself an excuse for later, when he meets someone IRL. “I told you I’d never be in an online relationship.”

    You say you don’t care, but that is not true, I don’t think. Caring is pretty cool, actually. You’ve built a wall of not caring up because you’re afraid of being rejected. The thing is, we are all afraid of being rejected. But you don’t get to the good stuff in life without risk. Friendship is a risk. Love is a risk. Wasting your time and emotion on this guy is a risk, too. But not one you ever have to face. What the worst that could happen with this dude? And you really really seem to care about this guy. A guy you haven’t actually met. The depth of your loneliness and the way you feel for him are very related.

    I promise you there are people you can meet IRL that you can connect with. You just haven’t met them yet, and all the time you spend online with this guy takes more time away from your real life. And you know it’s not going to last. He’s already told you that, in so many words.

    I really think you should speak to your school counselor or even make an appointment for one outside of school. You are so down about yourself and your life and you already believe nothing will change.

    #845606 Reply
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    Melly

    Update: he just asked me out.

    #845614 Reply

    On a real date? To be his online gf?

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