This topic contains 32 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by Sunshine Brite 3 months ago.
May 15, 2018 at 10:03 am #752709
Yeah, think about immigrant women, or single income parents, or minorities and how accommodating people are already pressured to be because companies don’t see people as people but as beneficial or a liability.
But I can understand that most people who speak up don’t do it because they want to destroy or control someone else, they just want to be productive and healthy at work. It’s hard because if you are in the US, we really don’t collectively support solutions for adults who don’t fit into an egalitarian work force culture. Some of this is maturity, lack of experience, and differing social expectations and not always an inherent character issue of the offender. It is unfortunate because none of that is fair. But none of this is your fault; you really are only in charge of yourself.
You can advocate for your community and support efforts to help other adults who are struggling to find a place due to interpersonal skills, too, if you want a way to apply your guilt. But really I doubt this guy would only cross lines with you. Even if he didn’t know any better, that isn’t your responsibility.May 15, 2018 at 10:19 am #752711
It’s weird how Baccileu hasn’t shown up to defend that guy’s behavior as well intentioned awkwardness that we shouldn’t censure, lest it make it harder for him to date.May 15, 2018 at 10:19 am #752713
It’s not weird, he was banned.May 15, 2018 at 10:43 am #752715
I think that was a joke.
Bacc, if you’re out there, I hope you started engaging with other adults in real life and asking out women who have a similar social-reading disposition.
But the ban is no joke.May 15, 2018 at 1:24 pm #752737
Again, the likelihood that he approached a man and offered a dude $50 is nil. Zero. Zilch. Non existent.
If he asked to buy you a cup of coffee repeatedly, I’d say that you need to be more firm and clear in your rejection. If he got banned from the workplace for asking you a single time to get a cup of coffee, I’d think it was overkill. I could understand the guilt.
This is straightforward. There is no rationale that I can imagine in which, in an office setting, another person offers $50 for a massage. You want a massage? You go to a massage service.May 15, 2018 at 4:42 pm #752752
In my opinion, this guy was already in trouble and his company jumped on the opportunity to fire him.This was the last drop in a full vase.May 15, 2018 at 5:19 pm #752754
Right. LW, You truly only know that YOU only reported him once. You have no idea how many other strikes there were before you…May 15, 2018 at 8:08 pm #752772
For some further clarity – I worked in the same shared workspace as this man but not the same company. I have no idea what company he worked for and do not know their workplace harassment policy. Yesterday, when I posted, I was told he was banned from the shared workplace by his employer. This was told to me by the community manager of the shared workplace.
Today I was told he was fired by his employer, not just kicked out of the shared workplace. Again, I’ve only talked to the community manager.
I was also told that this was a pattern which resulted in the termination. I was not informed of the interaction/conversation with the man. I believe the community manager alerted his boss or superior and they handled everything directly.
I tried to find a handbook online but haven’t found anything. I’ll ask directly tomorrow.
I really appreciate all the comments. Its jarring when you feel like you were responsible for someone losing their job. My husband reminded me though that he was 100% responsible – as have all of you. In regards to the race piece, it truly was never a thought until action was taken and I questioned if he received harsher punishment due to his race. But regardless, i really like the suggestion of talking to some of my nonwhite friends for some truly honest feedback.May 17, 2018 at 1:20 pm #752822
I strongly suggest against contacting non-white friends to add to your interpretation of events. It’s emotional labor that’s asked frequently from people, generally with more privilege, than whatever group is being approached.