This topic contains 68 replies, has 9 voices, and was last updated by Ange 2 weeks, 4 days ago.
September 5, 2018 at 10:06 am #792972
You don’t need to tell me – I already know this is ridiculous – but I’m very annoyed by my MIL right now.
Long story short:
Our soon-to-be-neighbor threatened to sue us if we don’t get rid of our rooster. I contacted a lawyer and he doesn’t really have a case, but he could still sue if he chooses. In that case, we would fight it in court.
My MIL took it upon herself to tell my BIL, SIL, and SIL parents last night that we are getting rid of our rooster because we were threatened with court.
UM. NO, we are not getting rid of our rooster, and I would appreciate it if you would not discuss a potentially legal matter with others. We live in a VERY TINY town, and I don’t want our neighbor hearing anything.
I told husband to tell his mom and dad to please not repeat anything and I told him to stop discussing the matter with people – which I told him not tell his mom in the first place. He has not told her yet.
Is it inappropriate for me to tell her to please stop gossiping?
I also feel it may not be my place to do so.
Thanks in advance!
Oh, and please try not to judge me.
Chickens are awesome 🙂September 5, 2018 at 10:15 am #792986
Having chickens does sound awesome. My husband and I used to run in the mornings past a house that had a rooster that would cock-a-doodle-doo at us as we went by and I thought it was cute. Do you get fresh eggs, then?
As for the question, as with most people who have in-law problems, what you actually have is a husband problem. That is, a husband who tells his mother things you’d rather keep private, who refuses to ask his mother to stop gossiping about your personal business. You and your husband need to present a united front on this and if he’s not willing to set boundaries with her then that’s a big problem with your marriage, not your MIL.
That said, who cares if she’s telling people you’re getting rid of your chickens if its not true? You’ve got a lawyer, you’re working this the right way, you have the capability when the gossip gets back to you to say “actually, no, we are fighting to keep our chickens.” Unless your lawyer specifically told you you aren’t to discuss this with people while its going through court, it’s not as big a deal as you are making it.September 5, 2018 at 10:30 am #793010
“I told husband to tell his mom and dad to please not repeat anything and I told him to stop discussing the matter with people – which I told him not tell his mom in the first place.”
Your biggest problem isn’t that your MIL is telling people you will get rid of your chickens. Even in a small town it is pretty irrelevant to what you do. It doesn’t matter what people say or think you will do. You are still in full control of what you actually do.
Your biggest problem is that you are telling your husband what to do. You are bossy. You need to talk to your husband in a way that isn’t giving him commands like he is a child. You can’t expect your marriage to last if you are giving orders to your husband.
You need to discuss the situation with your husband. You need to listen to his opinion as much as he listens to yours. You need to decide together, as a team, what approach to take. Right now, you aren’t a team. You are a boss who is frustrated that their orders aren’t being followed. It seems that your husband isn’t nearly as bothered about this as you are.
You can love your chickens and still not worry about what gossip your MIL passes around. Soon enough, people will learn that what she says about you and your chickens isn’t necessarily true. I think you are blowing this up bigger than it needs to be. If your MIL passes around false information then just smile and know that the truth is your secret.September 5, 2018 at 10:49 am #793037
This isn’t really about the chickens is it? It’s about the greater issue that anything you or your husband tell your MIL it is immediately on the front page of the MIL Gossip Rag: MILGR -where boundaries don’t exist and your privacy isn’t important!
You have a few options here but ultimately this is your husbands issue. You want your shit kept private. So is he telling her about the rooster or are you? If you are – then keep your yap shut. If it’s him – then you need to have a sit down and explain the topics that are safe to tell and not safe to tell. The last thing your husband wants is an inlaw or a neighbor asking him how is hemorrhoids are so explain that as your husband his first responsibility is to you in such a way that he gets it. See a counselor if you think it will help you communicate.
You can also give her some bad info and just keep gaslighting her. “MIL – I had the weirdest conversation with Mrs Smith at the grocery store today. She asked me about Las Vegas. I told her I had never been to Las Vegas and she said you told her we were going. I told her that you must be confused. We aren’t going to Las Vegas. We have a rooster to take care of! I hope you’re feeling ok. Maybe we need to have a doctor look at your brain.”September 5, 2018 at 10:56 am #793049
Yeah, you guys are right. I think I’m making a bigger deal than it needs to be.
Maybe I’m just sensitive about it because it’s kind of an embarrassing situation! Who gets threatened with court over a rooster? And who would actually fight back over a rooster?
Thank you for giving me some different perspectives!September 5, 2018 at 10:59 am #793056
I think you’re kind of being unreasonable. Your MIL told close family members about what was going on in your life. (And unless you guys told her it was a Huge Secret, I don’t see why she would believe it was a Huge Secret; it wouldn’t sound like a Huge Secret to me.) She got the story garbled—oh well. I don’t see how this suddenly becomes telling the whole town—or if it does, why it matters, legally speaking. Asking your MIL not to talk about you, ever, is not realistic in the slightest. I mean, have you ever found yourself talking to your friends or family about what’s going on with HER? Exactly… EVERYBODY discusses that kind of stuff.
Maybe it works in your favor if the neighbor realizes your tiny town doesn’t support him suing you guys over a rooster. This happened to neighbors of ours—long story short, there was a dispute over a fence, and once the entire neighborhood got wind of it, the harassment stopped (because people were embarrassed into stopping).September 5, 2018 at 11:12 am #793074
You shouldn’t be embarrassed. It’s the neighbor who looks bad by threatening to sue over a rooster. He’s trying to scare you into doing something that he otherwise has no control over. He’s trying to bully you. Your neighbors will probably respect you for not bowing down to the bully. If he sues then deal with it in court but it is irrelevant to that whether or not your MIL talks about it. If you are feeling ashamed or embarrassed it means his plan is beginning to work. If anyone asks you about the chickens you can tell them that you are keeping them, you’ve talked to a lawyer and the neighbor has no grounds to sue you and you refuse to be pushed around by a bully. If you tell people about what is happening you frame the situation. If you are silent it makes it look like you are sneaking around and that the neighbor might have a legitimate complaint. Put the idea out there that the neighbor is a bully and that he has no grounds to sue you and you are keeping the chickens. You can put the spin on this situation instead of letting him do it.September 5, 2018 at 11:49 am #793124
I wouldn’t call it embarrassing. If the lawsuit seems ridiculous, then it would be embarrassing for the person suing. You can’t control being sued. And I think most people who have done the research and don’t think a lawsuit would be successful against them wouldn’t just give in. I think most people who get sued would choose to fight back.
But yeah, I think the MIL thing is a separate issue. I don’t think it’s going to hurt your case if she tells them you’re getting rid of it. My assumption is it would probably delay their lawsuit because they would think it was going to be resolved. I think the gossip is irrelevant to the case.
If your husband frequently refuses to set boundaries with his mom and tells you he’s going to do things and doesn’t, then that’s a separate issue to deal with.September 5, 2018 at 12:03 pm #793144
Uh, I housesat next door to a fucking rooster once. For a very long week. PS — NEWSFLASH: I never ever housesat there again. You simply can’t imagine the fucking noise until you’ve survived it. And PS — as a male (duh!) Roosters do NOT, I repeat, NOT give you eggs. You want eggs? Great, get chickens. They don’t feel the need to wake the ENTIRE neighborhood at dawn…
Also — if you don’t want your motherinlaw gossipping about you — maybe gee, I dunno… stop telling her fucking everything that goes on in your life.September 5, 2018 at 12:06 pm #793151
PS If your town is as small as you say it is… I suspect much of the population is dying to hear the lastest Rooster lawsuit gossip as they plan on filing suit as well.September 5, 2018 at 12:13 pm #793162
Don’t you need a rooster to be around for the hens to lay the eggs? I am aware that roosters don’t lay eggs.
Edit to add:
Ok I googled. I guess you don’t need a rooster for eggs you’re gonna eat, just if you want to fertilize any to make more chickens.
September 5, 2018 at 12:17 pm #793169
- This reply was modified 2 weeks, 6 days ago by SpaceySteph.
Nope. The rooster only fertilizes the eggs — which you DON’T want to happen if one plans to eat the eggs…