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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Sad, hopeless and desperately in need of a lifeline :(

Home Forums Advice & Chat Sad, hopeless and desperately in need of a lifeline :(

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  • #1116341 Reply
    dreamer22
    Participant

    I am a 39 year old single woman living alone and my life is a mess.

    I suffer from depression and social anxiety which makes it really difficult to support myself financially.

    I can’t hold down a job for long and have jumped from one temporary contract to another pretty much all my life.

    My mental health issues, low self-worth, esteem and confidence has gotten progressively worse over the past eight years or so, which has led to me becoming unemployable.

    Interviews terrify me because I have had so many job rejections, so I have resorted to claiming benefits and working on an adult phone line to survive.

    I’ve been working on the line on and off since 2015 and it has become unbearable. It makes me feel demotivated, worthless and keeps me in such a dark, negative state of mind.

    I have dreams of being a successful online entrepreneur but it’s virtually impossible to build a business while doing such a job.
    But I can’t just leave because I need the income to survive.

    I feel trapped, hopeless and close to a nervous breakdown. I’m struggling to see any glimmer of light in what feels like the bleakest, darkest never ending tunnel.

    I just want a better life for myself. Financial freedom, happiness and confidence.

    It’s ironic that the one thing keeping my head above water financially is also holding me back from pursuing my business dreams.

    I don’t have much savings to quit the job and cover my monthly expenses long enough to make my business idea work.
    My family is just as financially strapped as me, so I can’t ask them for help.
    I have a bad credit rating and am highly unlikely to pass a loan application.

    What would you do in my situation?
    Any advice would be much appreciated 🙁

    #1116349 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Sorry, I accidentally put this in spam and it deleted people’s replies. Very sorry about that. Maybe if those who replied could quickly restate?

    #1116350 Reply
    Anonymousse
    Guest

    Copa had an excellent response. I can’t replicate it but I think she talked about womens resources out there like dress for success or other job placing agencies.

    Personally, everywhere near me is hiring and retail high school kids are making $15 an hour. You could probably make pretty good money not feeling like shit doing a job you hate, that makes you feel worse about yourself. With access to therapy and maybe other people to interact with that aren’t just a customer asking you t9 say nasty stuff to them.

    I really think the best thing for you to do would be to see your doctor, ask to be evaluated for depression. Get on some meds or ask for a referral. And look for a therapist. Try BetterHelp. Its an app with real therapists, I love it. Its been a lifeline for me through some real shit.

    Once your depression is being treated, I definitely think you should move out of that work that you are in and try something else. What is
    an online entrepreneur? I don’t think taking out a loan that you legally must pay back is a good idea when you are in the depths of depression.

    #1116357 Reply
    Avatar photoCopa
    Participant

    My initial response also mentioned finding a therapist to get your mental and emotional health in order since you say that’s the thing holding you back from steady employment.

    In the past, I have volunteered at a nonprofit in my city called Dress for Success. They help women get back in the workforce and attain financial independence after life setbacks. They offer a variety of services and programs, like career coaching and wardrobe assistance. I know they have affiliate locations nationwide, so you may be able to find one near you. If not that organization, I’m sure there are other similar ones out there.

    Good luck!

    #1116360 Reply
    ron
    Guest

    Your family doctor also may help. There are medications which help many people cope with anxiety and depression. Stick with your job. See your doctor, call a therapist. You don’t want to move to a new job until you have your mental health under better control New jobs with new coworkers and boss can be stressful and first impressions count.

    #1116425 Reply
    dreamer22
    Participant

    Thanks for your replies everyone. I really appreciate you taking the time to read everything I wrote and offer up advice.

    I know that therapy and medication for my depression is the best thing right now, but how do I take steps to a more positive, happier frame of mind when I am stuck in such an awful job?

    It’s like someone on a diet only having access to junk food Monday – Friday, then exercising and eating salads at the weekend. Going around in circles and never achieving their weight loss goals.

    Working on the adult site is not aligned with the life I want to create, because it puts me in such a negative, demotivated, dark mental state.

    I wish I had the financial means to take time out of work to focus on my mental health and well-being, but I don’t. That’s why I feel so trapped and hopeless.

    Anonymousse in response to your question, my online entrepreneurial dreams involve starting a blog and affiliate shop.

    • This reply was modified 1 month, 3 weeks ago by dreamer22.
    • This reply was modified 1 month, 3 weeks ago by dreamer22.
    #1116428 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    I think you kind of need to do what most people do when they hate their job: Start a side gig and work on it in your off hours, and / or look for another job. And/or take classes. There’s not going to be a moment when you can just quit your job and *start* a blog. You have to work on it while you have an income.

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