- This topic has 4 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 3 weeks, 2 days ago by Helen.
October 6, 2020 at 1:43 pm #962973lanamae20Participant
I need advice and I prefer unbiased advice from peoples who do not know me. I just had a baby 6 months ago. I struggle from manic depression. My boyfriend knew this as soon as he met me, I let him know. To make a long story short, had our daughter, after about 2 years of being together. He is so mentally abusive and such a narcissist. As anyone who has dealt with one knows there is no talking to a narcissist. I go to therapy and have tried to get him to go with me. He will not. I know there’s mother’s out there that have struggled with PPD. It is overtaking my life. I am trying to work a part time job, he hasn’t worked since covid started. He completely changed as a person, is lazy, no work ethic, entitled. I get up everyday despite my disorder and do good until he gets up. He tells me I don’t care about her. It’s ridiculous that I work 3 days a week, I must not want to see her. I don’t give him enough money… (complete different person than when I met him) if I want ANY time to myself and I mean any time he tells me I must not love her. I cannot leave even to clear my head for a hour or grab coffee without him saying I don’t love her. He acted like he wanted to help me and out everything in his name. My car, my insurance, my phone, my apartment. I was completely naive and I take accountability. I really want to leave him. And be in a better head space. How in the HECK do you go about that when someone has so much control over you financially? What is the first step to getting out of this situation. If anyone has any insight on this please help me. My mental state depends on it. Thank you!October 6, 2020 at 4:01 pm #962980golfer.galGuest
The first step out is to talk to a lawyer. You aren’t married, so getting back stuff you technically gave away to your boyfriend if you signed deeds over to him may be tough. A lawyer can advise you on whether there are fraud or other charges you can claim to get your house and car put back into your name, what legal options you have to protect yourself, and set up custody and child support. You can also start calling the places that may be easier to change (phone and insurance) and see what it will take to open your own plan/account.
Stop giving him a dime of your paychecks.
Is there family or friends you can turn to to help get you out or pay the lawyer? Look into resources in your city for women leaving abusive relationships. Often they can hook you up with legal advice, resources, housing, childcare, etc on a temporary basis while you get on your feet. Apply for WIC and any other social programs you can that will keep you and your child fed and clothed. If literally everything you own is in his name only then you’re going to have to take some lumps to start over. It could be your cell phone, car, or your equity in your house will be lost. Again, a lawyer can help you navigate that.October 6, 2020 at 4:03 pm #962981KateKeymaster
I would say the first step is probably to call a hotline or shelter for abused women, because they have expertise in helping women create exit plans. Does your therapist have any suggestions on getting out?October 6, 2020 at 4:46 pm #962983HelenGuest
Talk to a lawyer and a domestic abuse hotline. Your therapist can refer you to someone. Do you have family you can stay with? Stable, conflict free family? You don’t want your custody to be jeopardized by staying with your alcoholic aunt in a filthy house. While you’re getting everything lined up save receipts for everything you pay for. When Abusive guys think you’re about to leave they always threaten to get full custody and swear you’ll never see your kids again. Don’t fall for it. Having bipolar doesn’t mean you’ll lose a custody battle. You’ll have to demonstrate that you’re stable & can provide a suitable home, so always stay calm and save those receipts, but its usually an empty threat anyways.October 6, 2020 at 4:47 pm #962984HelenGuest
Its great that you’re seeing a therapist, but consider meds too for the PPD. I had it bad after all of my kids and a few months of antidepressants made me feel like my old self again