KennyAugust 31, 2022 at 2:57 am #1115680
So, I [27M] started dating a girl [24F] I met this girl, we clicked straight away everything was going so so well. At this point two months in I realized that I wanted to be in my first relationship with her. However after those two months (lets say August time) she told me that she was having family issues on her side and it meant she could not put the energy into building a relationship between us. It hurt but I had to respect it. During that time we would have small conversations catching up with each other to make sure that we are both okay but she wouldn’t give into giving us both a try.
One day we then had a phone call and she basically said that I should go and pursue a relationship elsewhere because she couldn’t give me any guarantees. Again, I had to respect it. So I decided to put myself out there and met someone who I was FWB with but both mutually agreed we was not in it for a relationship. This was in October. During this time me and the girl [24F] started speaking on the phone more and more and she asked me if I had been on dates with anyone else I said yes at the time. She said it made her a little bit angry inside but at this point I think she was warming more towards coming back and giving it a go, which was the case around December. We had a phone conversation into the night and she asked me a question “Was I sexually active with anyone during the time we weren’t together”. At this point I said, I can lie about this and take it with me to the grave or be honest and transparent (like all relationships should be) and she reacted completely opposite, she was taken aback from it. She said that she needed a few days to think about this as she couldn’t see me the same way. At this point my hands are shaking, my mind mentally is all over the place. I remember the morning after she put up a post in her language translated to “Good Morning to everyone apart from some” which made me feel it was directed towards me. I was so heartbroken by all this but at the same time she called me as well to check on me and my anxiety which gave me hope. But then a few days later she called me to say that she’s not going to pursue our relationship any further. Worst news I could have hoped for. During the call we are going back and forth but what stood out to me was the fact I was made to feel belittled and a shit human being. She told me never to contact her again. She is quite a cut-throat person who doesn’t hold back with their words so I knew she meant every word.
I was so hurt inside but angry too because of how she spoke to me. I understand how she feels but I just hate the way she spoke to me and my mind was in a gutter these past few days waiting for her answer only to be talked to like that. My reactionary response was to go back on dating app a day after this happened but then happened to get a message from her with a screenshot of my profile and she commented saying I am full of shit and that “How do I know you doing other things until I was available for you”. I simply said “We can agree to disagree but we will go nowhere. It hurts me you made your decision final and very apparent which I will respect and learning how to accept it. Wish you all the best” with a few more personal stuff to it. I believe she deleted my number and never heard from her again.
It has been around 7 months since this incident. I am currently seeing someone now and its going good. Its been approx. 3 months. But recently I had a dream about her [24F] reaching out to me after someone I knew in real life passed away. Since then its been playing on my mind. Then a few days after that I was on Instagram and on my suggested accounts she popped up (She created a new account). I don’t know if this is a sign but right now my head is in a very weird space. I feel like I want to reach out to her, not necessarily with an aim, but more so to get this ‘hate’ off my chest. I would want at least one final conversation to really talk about why this happened. I’m not the type of guy to end on bad notes with people and this was the worst I’ve had with anyone. What’s worse is that because I am seeing someone this is a distraction that I want to settle on my mind once and for all because I don’t want it to get in the way of both of us.
What should I do?WhyDoWeExistAugust 31, 2022 at 5:04 am #1115681
Dude, I would leave it. This girl sounds a bit unstable. Reaching out to her is a bad idea. She may reach out to your current partner if you do and try to stir drama through them.
You have also moved on to a new relationship, and I don’t think it would be fair to your current partner to contact an ex. Not everyone will like you in this world, and that is okay. Worrying about it just gives her power over you.
And as for dreams being signs from higher powers, I don’t believe it. I have parishioners coming to me regularly believing their dreams are signs from God or an Angel; they aren’t. Dreams are dreams and more often than mean nothing. You have probably been carrying around some of this “hate” in your subconscious, and that’s why you are dreaming about her. Let it go, man.
If you really need to get it off maybe write it all down in a letter, so you can get it out of your system and then burn the letter. Don’t send it to her, it won’t give you the closure you think it.KateAugust 31, 2022 at 5:34 am #1115684
Absolutely don’t reach out. Here’s what happened, this woman was never that into you. You were an option, a distraction, someone to chat with. Her interest was so low, she told you she couldn’t give you anything and that you should move on. When she realized you actually did, she got angry and manipulative and messed with your head a bit.
That’s all. She was never interested in a relationship with you. You did nothing wrong except being over invested and letting yourself be manipulated by her. Keep her blocked and don’t engage with her new profile. She will love the attention and absolutely will make trouble for you.HelenAugust 31, 2022 at 2:43 pm #1115729
You dodged a bullet. You did nothing wrong, she just couldn’t stand the thought of you moving on. Even though that’s what she told you to do. Don’t blow up your current relationship by reaching out to the ex. She sounds like the type who would screen shot your conversation and send it to your current partnerronAugust 31, 2022 at 4:40 pm #1115735
Yes, don’t reach out. Be honest, I doubt you would reach out to get the anger off your chest (a bad idea in any case), but because you want to explore getting back together with her. That also is a bad idea. I agree that you dodged a bullet. She called a break, then said you had better look for another relationship — that’s a hard break-up. She told you to be a total free agent. You did, in a serious sense, not a hook-up sense, and now she’s pissed that you did exactly what she told you to do. Her blowup at you for truthfully answering her question, which she really had no right to expect an answer to, is just telling you how messed up she is.
You won’t get any sort of closure talking to her. She ‘knows’ how right she is. There will be no apology for the outburst. There is nothing there for you. You are a truthful person. What will you say when your new gf asks if you are still in touch with your ex? That you just wanted closure and to get the anger off your chest? That will just tell gf that your mind is still locked in on your ex. Not a good look at all.MojoSeptember 5, 2022 at 3:25 am #1115807
You did nothing wrong. You treated your ex honestly and respectfully. She told you to move on. She then became upset with you because you didn’t stay single and lonely, pining for her for the rest of your life, to feed her ego. She is likely vain and thinks she is so incredible that any man would gladly wait for her for decades in hopes she would change her mind.
She didn’t want a relationship. She wanted to be unattainable and receive your blind adoration from afar. It made her feel powerful. She didn’t care how it made you feel.
You want closure but you are not going to get it from her. As WhyDoWeExist suggested, you could write a goodbye letter to your ex and then burn it. Then you can focus on your current relationship.
You sound like a sincere person who cares about others. I hope the person you are seeing now appreciates you!