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Dear Wendy

Should I abandon my morals for my partner?

Home Forums Advice & Chat Should I abandon my morals for my partner?

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  • #1103536 Reply

    My partner is from Hong Kong, and I am from the UK. So far we haven’t struggled with being in an interracial relationship, apart from tonight when my partner told me he didn’t see a future with me if I wasn’t able to embrace his culture, I didn’t see any problems with this at first, until he said that would mean dropping my vegetarianism. I have been vegetarian for 5 years of my life and I am really struggling with coming to terms with eating meat again. It feels very much like his love is only conditional on my eating habits. I am in heartbreak over the situation and would appreciate any help.

    #1103556 Reply

    Vegetarians and non-vegetarians can be in successful relationships. I’ve observed it work, with no friction at all. Your bf is being a controlling ass. I haven’t encountered anything relating to Chinese culture being intolerant of vegetarians. And no, you should never abandon your morals to keep a bf. What’s left of you after that? MOA.

    #1103559 Reply

    I’m really curious how being vegetarian has anything to do with embracing his culture.

    #1103563 Reply

    Chloe, I agree with the others. My take is that he doesn’t see a future and instead of being straight with you, he is using the food issue as an excuse.
    You deserve better than this. Look for a partner, that even if he does not agree always, or does not have the same practices, accepts and respects your choices.

    #1103565 Reply

    He’s giving you a lame reason you’re incompatible and that speaks to his character. Instead of telling you he doesn’t want to date, he’s giving this ridiculous reason instead. He’s not in heartbreak over it, and I hope you realize that and move on to someone you can see in person soon.

    Exactly what Peggy said. Someone worthy would respect your choices.

    #1103567 Reply
    Avatar photoMiss MJ

    MOA. This is just an excise to control you or break up, not sure which. For what it’s worth going forward, my husband is keto and I’m a carb friendly mostly vegetarian, sometimes pescatarian, and we manage just fine.

    #1103570 Reply

    To further underline the controlling behaviour, it should be pointed out that many Chinese who are Buddhist are also vegetarian. So much so that in neighbouring Taiwan, being vegetarian is quite normal and common.

    This “embrace my culture” is a bit of a load of crap!

    #1103571 Reply

    I really hope you don’t do it. Have you asked him why it matters to him that you do not eat meat?

    #1103575 Reply
    Lee Gale

    Haven’t eaten meat in 17 years, absolutely cannot fathom the audacity of someone to suggest I start up again. I’d probably laugh heartily in the face of anyone who suggested such a thing.

    Take the vegetarianism out of this completely: he is attempting to control you. That’s what this is. He’s telling you what you can and can’t do with your body. It starts with something seemingly innocuous like diet. Once you negotiate this, what’s next? If you give in to his demands for how you nourish yourself, what else are you willing to compromise?

    Food is the basis of your life and energy, and you’ve made a decision not to source that from animals which is a choice only YOU can make! It doesn’t even matter why you made that choice. It is YOUR choice. If he told you to starve, would you? If he told you to only eat salad (and not the good kind we veggies love, I’m talking limp iceberg with red cabbage and not even a single carrot stick), would you?

    What other changes to your body are you willing to make? Get a tattoo because he says so? Plastic surgery? I’m not saying he would take it that far. But he won’t stop at food, that’s for sure.

    Also, I truly don’t know wtf he is on about with “culture,” so I have to assume that he means the culture of having a subservient woman with no mind of her own and does what she is told including eating what she is told (excuse me very deeply if I have misgendered anyone but that’s what I’m gathering from context). There are plenty of vegetarians in HK.

    #1103576 Reply
    Avatar photoLucidity

    I wonder if this guy came up with this nonsense because he’s worried that if you move in together or get married, you’ll only cook him vegetarian meals, and he wants you to cook him meat. I’d dump him.

    #1103579 Reply

    His attitude seems very unbending, unreasonable and asking you to do something you morally object to is quite bullying. Is his anxiety that you won’t cook meat for him? Can’t he cook it himself if he wants it? Or is it that it will be awkward at family gatherings? Without knowing what his family habits are it’s hard to know how real his fears there might be, but it seems pretty odd given that most vegetarians/vegans where I live go to the Chinese supermarkets to stock up on all the tasty veggie specialities.I can’t imagine being with someone who wanted to force me to eat animals, I’d end up with an eating disorder for sure. This isn’t a good sign and I’d just refuse if I were you and see if he will listen to reason- if not, I’d break up with him.

    #1103580 Reply

    The only rationale I can come up with is that he’s worried that her refusal to eat meat would be disastrous professionally. Refusing a host’s meal would be highly insulting. If you’re in Hong Kong.

    You don’t mention where you are.

    Still, if this is his hill, you need to decide if it’s yours.

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