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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Should I add my first love on social media?

Home Forums Advice & Chat Should I add my first love on social media?

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  • #1110713 Reply
    Usy
    Guest

    My first love and I were together for around 3 years before we broke up about 8 years ago, it was a mutual break up as we were quite young and things fizzled out. During the time we were apart she did have a 2 year relationship shortly after she left but that she got cheated on.

    She did add me on social media a few years after we lost touch but I removed her after a few days as I tried to stay away from her as I was still healing, I then found out she got engaged around 6 months after that. In that time I was in another relationship which turned toxic so I left that and now I’m single. My ex however (my first love) did end up getting married but now I have found out she has got divorced recently about 7 months ago I think.

    I am guessing she’s single now if the divorce is fresh, I know its a long shot but she was my first love and I never really forgot about her, even though we haven’t been in touch for years. I’ve been thinking about her a lot. Should I try adding her on social media, if so how long should I wait? I know a relationship with her is probably a probably not going to happen but I am curious whether she still thinks of me in a positive way as we parted on good terms.

    I know a relationship is highly unlikely with her and I don’t really have high hopes of that, but could there be anything negative coming from me adding her?

    The only thing is her ex husband is a family friend of mine, I’m not really that close to him but we do know each other so I’m hoping that doesn’t make things awkward.

    Is it worth adding her on social media?

    #1110719 Reply
    Anonymousse
    Guest

    OMG, just add her and be done with it. How old are you? This is adulthood, not middle school.

    #1110720 Reply
    ron
    Guest

    Let me guess: your breakup with her was sparked by your scaredy-cat fear of rejection, which often expresses as serious and unwarranted jealousy. It’s really hard to understand what you fear in this case. Something as remote and impersonal as added a woman on facebook? She might decline. So what? It’s difficult to tell what is so intimidating about this. The worst that can happen is very literally nothing.

    #1110721 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    This is social media you’re talking about, where people add someone they met on vacation and will never see or talk to again. It’s not real. It’s not relationships. It doesn’t matter. Go ahead and add her. It will have no impact on anything ever, I promise you.

    Also, men, I swear. My dad was just telling me about this friend of his who left his wife many years ago for the wife of a mutual friend couple. Now the woman he ran off with and married has died, and he’s seriously trying to get back with his ex wife. Guys, learn to be alone. Learn to move on and form new healthy relationships.

    #1110722 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    You know what, I’m going to be blunt. If you’ve had one single relationship in the past 8 years and it was toxic, it’s because you bring nothing to the table. You’re not growing and evolving as a human being in a way that enables you to get to know quality women, understand and appreciate them, and provide what they need. This is why you’re obsessing over your ex, because you have no other options because you have nothing valuable to offer.

    #1110724 Reply
    Anonymousse
    Guest

    It fizzled out EIGHT years ago, and when she added you, you deleted her.

    I agree with what Kate says. What have you done to better yourself for a relationship in eight years? What the two relationships you have had have in common is that they ended poorly. Why is that? Have you grown and matured in the last eight years? It doesn’t seem so, and that’s why you’re looking back now. How can you imagine things wouldn’t fizzle out this time? Why would she want yo give it another go with you, after you rejected her before?

    And calling her your first love sounds very over dramatic and kind of weird. It fizzled out! That’s not love.

    #1110725 Reply
    Copa
    Participant

    If adding her on social media feels like this big of a deal, don’t add her. Based on what you wrote here and how you wrote it, you already seem quite invested in this woman and I think social media will only make that worse for you.

    It’s not unusual for people to not be digital friends with significant exes, even with relatively amicable breakups. It can make it harder to move on. It can bring up feelings to watch them move on. After eight years, if adding her on social media still feels like a big deal, then no, not a good idea for you IMO.

    I guess I can’t speak for others but I’ve never forgotten the men I’ve really cared about. But that’s not a sign we should stay in each other’s lives or even try to give things another go should we ever find ourselves single again at the same time.

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