Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Should I come back?

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  • #868950 Reply

    Hello everyone, I will make it brief. I’m 19 years old and last year, I wanted to change high school / city and go to my aunt’s (I thought it was heaven there) because I had some problems where I was (i was always at my parents hometown what).This year I made the transfer after my parents warned me for a while about the risk of this decision but since I was blind I did what I wanted. I remember from the first day that I moved to my aunt’s house, I spent a sleepless night thinking about my family and how I left them behind, especially that it was not necessary (I wanted to leave the house, having the idea that it was paradise at my aunt’s and I took the bad grades and the difficulties that I had at home as an excuse, I was lying to myself) (An hour after I left the house, my older sister called me, and she told me that my little brother is in a somewhat crappy state after I have left the house, I remember that I had hung up directly). I ran into what we call ”Homesickness” at the time).(he’s got also some social problems and i was the only one who were really close to him, but i totally forgot this when i was dreaming about how it gonna be at my Aunt’s).
    What pushed me more and more to no longer like this idea is the treatment at my aunt’s, house rules as she says. She comments on my personality (for example, I am a person who talks to everyone, poor, rich any person, and downstairs from my aunt, there is a store and I’m good with the sellers, I spend pretty much time with them cause i feel more at ease, but she sees them as low levels because they don’t have what she owns, and she tells me not to hang around with them anymore. but it’s not the person who I want to be and also, she treats me of complicated because of this) on my family, stupid remarks on everything I do, even my dress and my haircut. everything. + There is not a big difference, apart from a simple difference in people’s mentality which is a little better but it’s not a big deal or that important.
    I’m on vacation in my hometown (with my parents) but I have go back to my aunt next week, something I really don’t want to do, my mood changes directly when I think about it. I am someone who does not reveal his emotions too much (besides it is the first time that I write something like that, and i never told anyone about all of this, except my older sister), but I am willing to return home, what are your ideas so that I come back, without that I am creating problems with my aunt and my family (since they both warned me of this idea), and if that is not possible, how I could fight in this uncomfortable area.

    #868951 Reply

    How’s your little brother doing? Do your parents want you back? Have you apologized or admitted you were wrong about the grass being greener? Have you thanked your aunt for all that she’s done for you in the last year?

    Apologize. Own up to making a bad choice and maybe listen to them a little more the next time.

    #868954 Reply

    If you’re 19 and not yet done with high school, just stay where you are and finish. Just finish high school. If your aunt prefers that you not talk to the people downstairs, then don’t. She’s not holding you back from your True Self or whatever, c’mon. It’s just a temporary concession for someone who is doing you a HUGE favor. Be appreciative.

    You have maybe six more months to focus and complete your education, so do that. Show some maturity, which you will need from this point forward, no matter where you live. Don’t wait until you get home to exhibit maturity; do it now, right where you are. Here’s how:
    * STUDY.
    * Verbalize your appreciation to your aunt on the regular.
    * Do nice things for her, like cleaning or bringing her flowers she likes.
    * Focus on all the things that made you thing this place was paradise.

    Remember — wherever you go, there you are. Stop thinking that moving is gonna solve your problems. Focus on your priority: school.

    #868976 Reply

    I’m 19 and still in high school because i joined school until my 8th (i had some problems which i prefer not talk about so… xd) and by the way, this year is my final year in high school.
    My family is doing great and as i told first, i told only my sister who also passed the indirect message to my parents but we didn’t talk about it face to face. And for my aunt, i did nice things to her but she’s known for her little moves, and i wish come back home because i don’t wanna break up the relationship with her. Her rules and me can’t hold on lol, i know it her home, but i just can’t. What very touched me is her, treating me of complicated and and and …..
    I can’t even understand her, for example, when she tells me that i’m complicated, it because i don’t get out a lot, i spend pretty much time at home, reading books and stuff, so she tells me that i’m a complicated guy who can’t have a social life, but when i get out (for example, going for a trip with the sellers i was talking about), she tells me that it’s not okay or i don’t know what. I know what she did for me during all my life, i remember all her good acts and stuff, but it is what it is now.

    #869060 Reply

    The thing is, it is her home and you CAN obey her rules. You didn’t like it at your parents home, so you moved in with your aunt (how privileged of you to be able to pick and choose who you live with!) Now you’re not happy there, either. Regardless of the fact that you are now “suffering” the consequences of your ill thought out plan, you are still a guest in her home and you need to abide by what she asks. Or apologize to everyone and move back in with your parents, if they’ll have you.

    Finish school, get a job and choose your own place to live. Where I am renting a place usually requires signing a lease for a year, and up to 2-4 months rent up front.

    #869119 Reply

    If she doesn’t think you should hang out with the sellers, then she likely has a very good reason for that. She lives there; she knows the score. Even if she doesn’t, who cares? It’s time you should be spending on schoolwork anyway, so you can make sure you finish.

    Just finish your education. It’s okay that it’s taking some time, but don’t create distractions or obstacles to that. Stay where you are and finish. You’ll feel great about it.

    #869156 Reply

    I wrote in the first paragraph that i had some problems which i didn’t talk about, at my hometown, and i’m gonna talk about them now.
    My hometown is a simple village, and not in the city, it’s not because i don’t like villages, but it because of it people. My mindset, my ideas are different , and i was the only white guy in a bunch of brown/black people, with whom i had many fights during my childhood, i was kinda seen as a woman because of it. I remember a day at school, a girl came to me and told me that god created white skin only for girls in front all the class. I am a not-caring person but sometimes it hurts even if we don’t show it, but it finally helped me, cuz in the recent back years, the discrimination slowed down a little, the insults ectera, they got that i don’t care but anyway, i just felt that i had to take this opportunity and go to my Aunt’s.

    For my aunt, i know it her place and stuff, but i doesn’t concern me nor my personnality, i’m not saying that, me, a fresh adult knows better than her (this phenomenal is very present in our society nowadays, children and teenagers trying to prove that they know everything) cause this is not how i was raised, but, i believe she’s wrong in her treatment. By the way, she keep telling me that i gotta try to be more social and take her father as an example (which is my grandpa), when i told him about this thing of talking with the sellers and what she told me about it (that they have lower levels), he told me that since she got married, she became just like her husband. anyway, i don’t mean to tell you my life (sorry if i do lol), and i’m not trying to raise her back or teach her lessons cause it’s her house rules and i have no rights on it.

    The reason that didn’t let me tell my parents yet about all of this is that, i don’t wanna be seen as that little kido who wants everything he wants, because I believe that a human being (especially kids, i hate kids being raised like it’s paradise ectera) should from time to time get out from the comfortable zone and know suffering and all of this. I just don’t wanna get some problems with my aunt that will splite our relations.

    #869160 Reply

    Don’t hang out with pot sellers. You can keep your opinions to yourself until you graduate.

    #869168 Reply

    If you don’t want problems with your aunt, then don’t have problems with her! You are 100% the boss of whether or not you introduce friction into your relationships. If you want a good relationship with her, you can have that by appreciating the HUGE favor she’s doing for you and by finishing school.

    How she acts, issues from your past, what teenagers are like nowadays, what her dad thinks about her — all of that is a huge distraction away from school. That should be your number one focus. Just enjoy her as much as possible and then … study. That’s it.

    This is not complex.

    I’m harping on school because that is your ticket to a good life. For you. You will feel so good when you complete that milestone.

    #869177 Reply

    From you description I don’t think the people downstairs are selling drugs. Your aunt’s apartment is above a shop and the people who run the shop are the sellers. Is that right?

    It sounds like you changed a tough school environment for a stricter home environment. If you go back you will be right back in the tough school environment. Running back won’t fix your life any more than running away did. You make your life work out by finishing school and then figuring out what you will do after you finish. Will you go to college or will you work or will you go to a trade school. That should be your greatest focus. You need to start thinking long term. Instead of worrying about how to be the happiest for the next semester of school you need to think about what will give you the best opportunity for having a happy life.

    From what I understand you to say, your aunt doesn’t think that the people below are as good as your family. Either ethnically or socially she doesn’t consider them to be good enough. Does your grandfather object to the people below? If her reason is because she is a bigot I’m not sure what to tell you to do. If she has strong objections because she knows a lot about them and knows that from time to time they get into trouble then she is giving you good advice.

    The thing about living with someone is that in their house you follow their rules. Once you have your own income and your own home you get to make your own rules. Once you started living with your aunt your relationship with her turned into more of a parent/child relationship because suddenly she was responsible for you turning out okay. Before she could just be the doting aunt. You may legally be an adult but in her house you are a dependent kid. Be grateful she took you in. She is doing you a huge favor.

    Hopefully you learn from this experience. You made assumptions that weren’t true. In the future try to look at things more fully.

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