Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Should i contact an ex-ISH.

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice Should i contact an ex-ISH.

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  • #961240 Reply

    I Was 15-16 at the time (currently 17) and i met this girl on discord, you see i have always been a loner therefore i caught feelings pretty quick, we started off as friends but we ended up saying we liked each other, i got it a bit too far i guess by making it a relationship. We stayed like that for a year playing games for a year and you know making plans on when we meet. But she ended up falling into depression cos school, then met this other guy who was from the country next to him and just left me for him, but now i feel as if i can just be friends with her and forget about my past, i feel as if the only way to move on for real is to be comfortable even with someone who once hurt me, and not just dislike them because we both messed up but she did a bit more. I understand talking to your ex is never a good thing but what i have understood is that being friends would’ve probably been better, she was also 1 year older than me and todays society pushes females to think a younger guy is immature, therefore i do not think there was much choice about it. What im thinking is trying to hit her back to maybe play something, i know i will feel something nostalgic and also will feel some kind of pain or anger towards her but obviously won’t show it, and i KNOW for a fact it will go away within minimum 1 week to maximum 1 month. I also guarantee myself i would immedieatly stop talking to her if i could not control my emotions. I just really want to get over with this person, even have her as a friend and also just manage to train my emotions. Note that im NOT using her, i am only saying train because i have learnt to be calm with everything but except when it comes to past lovers and i feel as if the only reason that it is so its because i never comforted that feeling like i have with other ones, i never got the chance.

    #961249 Reply

    No. It sounds like she’s moved on, and that’s ok. The way you describe it, you’d be getting back in touch just as an emotional exercise for yourself, and you’re not even sure you could handle being friends. You should just leave it alone.

    #961251 Reply

    Kid, let me offer you some early life advice that many older people haven’t picked up. As a general proposition stay away from exes for whom you still have feelings. Almost nothing good will ever come from it. Part of “train[ing]” your emotions is staying away from situations that will cause you unnecessary grief. Meet new people and find someone new to date.

    #961263 Reply

    Have you met this lady in person?

    If you want to move on and get over her, make that choice and stop thinking about it. I give it one week minimum, one week maximum. Play games with someone else. Every time you find yourself thinking about her, wish her well in your mind and choose to distract yourself with something else.

    #961380 Reply

    It doesn’t sound like you want to be friends, so no, I don’t recommend contacting her. You met online, you had fun online, she found a guy IRL and broke it off, sounds like you need to MOA.

    #961384 Reply

    I’m a little confused on what you mean by…

    “i have learnt to be calm with everything but except when it comes to past lovers”

    Are you just saying you are having trouble moving on, or are you actually experiencing overwhelming emotions like anger?

    Either way, Fyodor is right: the worst way to move on from an ex is to keep interacting with them. It’s not going to help you and more to the point, it isn’t her responsibility to help you move on.

    Keep yourself busy and focused on anything else, and you’ll get there eventually.

    #963894 Reply

    He said anger.

    #968428 Reply

    What do you get out of this? Are you trying to prove that you’re emotionally mature? You can do that by deciding the past is in the past and moving on. You don’t have to be friends with your exes to be mature.

    To me you’ve gone to great lengths to say “When I slam the door on my hand it hurts, but I’ve been working on pain management techniques so should I slam the door on my hand to see if it still hurts?”

    My advice: Don’t contact the ex. Don’t do things that you think might hurt to see if it hurts. Be kind to yourself.

    #968434 Reply

    I think that you should give it some time away from her, in order to move on. Maybe in the future you can meet and maybe try to be friends. You can still be friends, but with time.

    Just because you’re exes doesn’t mean that you can’t get along later on, but only when you have both moved on. Good luck!

    If she didn’t stay, she wasn’t the one. There are plenty of girls out there.

    #969328 Reply

    Yeah, I don’t see anything to be gained by contacting her. More — people are NOT tools through which we better train ourselves to handle our emotions. That is a rather selfish view. Don’t subscribe to it.

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