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Dear Wendy

Should I Distance Myself from a Good Friend?

Home Forums Advice & Chat Should I Distance Myself from a Good Friend?

  • This topic has 3 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 2 weeks ago by tunnel rush.
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  • #1116901 Reply

    I (21 M) have been good friends with a girl (23 F) where we are talking all the time and hanging out. Every time I see her or when I see a text from her, it brightens my day every single time. However, in a very “When Harry Met Sally” like situation, I grew feelings for her and I confessed that to her, but she told me she didn’t feel the same way and that she still wanted to be friends. It hurt, but I told myself that the time I knew her as just a friend was some of the most memorable and happy moments I experienced and I wasn’t willing to give that up just yet. So, I tried to sequester my feelings and treat her as a friend. It was working for a while until I saw her talking to another guy and instantly, I was jealous. I tried my hardest to fight these feelings off, but it was clawing around in my head and tearing my sanity apart. After experiencing all of that, now I’m afraid that I might not be able to hide my jealousy and might accidentally hurt her emotionally if it ever got to that point and it makes me think that I’m not fit to be her friend anymore. I don’t know if I should distance myself from her or what, but all I know is that I can’t allow myself to hurt her in any way. What should I do with all of this?

    #1116905 Reply

    What do you mean you might hurt her?

    So, yeah, look, if you can’t really be friends with someone because you like them romantically and realize you can’t handle seeing them date other people, then you need to be honest with them that that’s the case, and walk away from the friendship. But the reason would be to protect your own feelings and emotional well-being. If you’re thinking you’re gonna lash out at her in anger, that’s concerning.

    #1116906 Reply

    Hurt her emotionally like call her names for talking to another guy? What do you mean? No, it doesn’t sound like you can be her friend. So don’t pretend to be.

    #1116909 Reply
    tunnel rush

    I also have a very close friend since childhood. We keep a very good relationship, playing together for nearly 30 years. I had the same situation as you when she had a boyfriend. Her time and attention to me was greatly reduced. At first I was also very sad and envious of her boyfriend, even hating him. Later, however, I realized that our relationship needed to be balanced and I accepted that guy’s presence in our dates. And everything is still going very well.

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