Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Should I end our friendship?

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  • #874984 Reply

    My friend, who I’ve known for 5 years has changed a lot the last two years. She acts very possessive and even manipulative (??).

    When I don’t answer her messages immediately (because I haven’t been able to read them) she gets angry and tries to ignore me in every single way.
    One time she ignored me for three weeks. I tried to get her to talk to me, but she just wouldn’t. After trying for almost a week and a half, I stopped approaching her. Then, when she was done with ignoring me, she blamed me for not texting/approaching her more. She also told me that I did not care enough for her to talk to me again.
    I told her that I, in fact, did care, but that there is no point in talking to someone who obviously does not want to talk to me.

    Whenever I say no to her/ don’t do what she wants, she gets passive-aggressive/angry. She also tries to turn my words around a lot, into letting me believe that I am wrong, eventhough I am not.

    More and more of these incidents start to happen and I just can not handle it anymore. I feel like I do so much for her, but she doesn’t think the same, because I am not doing things with her 24/7 it seems.

    But vice versa she is not there for me when I need ‘ a shoulder to cry on’, she is not even there for me when I need help, when I want to take a load of my mind.

    When I’m talking to her, she is most of the time not listening to me and just texting other persons on her phone.

    The reason that I think of ending our friendship is because of the following ‘incident’:
    My grandfather died a little while ago. I was very sad, because I was really close to him.
    When my grandfather died, I wanted to tell her about why he died and the drama that has been going on in our family because of his death. (I was not able to talk to her in person because it was intersemestrial vacation, I announced his passing by texting her a few days after him passing away.) I told her in advance that my messages would probably be very long. She told me that it was ok. I texted her the whole ‘story’. She did not text me back for a whole week. When our vacation was over, she texted me that my messages were too long for her to read and that I had to tell her another time. Then she began talking about herself.
    My other friends were actually there for me, eventhough my ‘messages were too long’, they read them through.

    After our vacation I told her about my decision regarding school (I wanted to switch a course, for obvious reasons). She got angry (probably because she did not want to take the course ‘alone’) and walked away. Since then I haven’t heard from her.

    PS: I already tried to talk to her several times about the fact that I feel that way, but she says that I’m just making those things up.

    What should I do?

    #874991 Reply

    I mean, you don’t sound like you like her very much, and she isn’t being a good friend to you. Would you miss her if her were gone? It is absolutely OK to walk away from someone who doesn’t treat you with respect. It is absolutely OK to end a friendship with someone who is selfish. I have recently ended a friendship who’s actions were so hurtful no amount of apologies would make me trust her again. It was painful and lonely, but the friendship was over.

    #874992 Reply
    avatarMiss MJ

    End this friendship. She’s exhausting and you’ll be happier focusing on other friends who bring a more positive energy to your life.

    #874993 Reply

    Just stop texting her. She sounds horrible. Block her number if you want. When you see her in person, just be cool and “busy.” I’m sorry she hasn’t been a good friend to you. Sorry for your loss.

    #875022 Reply

    There is not a single action that indicates she’s your friend. She uses you as a therapist and a punching bag.

    Walk away. If you want to tell her that she’s a bad person – you can, but it will likely cause her to go off the rails. I say do the slow fade out, ignoring her will be both relatively easy and drive her bat shit crazy. It’s a win-win.

    #875029 Reply

    Your friendship ended a long time ago. She’s a person you know who treats you badly and who once was a friend.

    There is no need to drag out this relationship. I’d block her and be done with her. You don’t owe her an explanation. If she corners you up at some point and you feel like saying anything it’s okay to say she wasn’t friendly to you and you got tired of the drama and you are done.

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