Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Should I feel guilty about leaving?

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This topic contains 20 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by avatar dinoceros 2 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #814591 Reply
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    Jay

    Okay. So my family just recently moved (as in just got here 2 days ago). It was a pretty big move and we’re not close to our old house at all. My oldest sibling is saying in our home town in an apartment. My other older brother is staying in the new house with my parents. I will be dorming in college once this break is over (I commuted first semester). My middle brother (the one staying in the new house) is taking it very hard. He had to leave his girlfriend and all of his tight knit friends and is now living in a house that doesn’t feel like home and with no support. He is old enough to move out but it’s very expensive and he isn’t that old yet to take on that responsibility tbh. I feel very guilty about leaving him to go to school. I feel like I’m putting myself before him when we should be going through this together. I was hoping that my housing application would fall through due to lack of availability but I just got an email saying they can put me into a quad. Should I feel guilty? This whole move was hard for all of us and it’s still fresh but at least I’m going to be making friends in school and our oldest brother is going back to our hometown with his friends etc. I can’t stop thinking about how lonely he is going to feel. He’s very quiet about his feelings but before moving he got pretty drunk and was saying how we’re abandoning him. I know he doesn’t truly mean that but it kinda feels like we are. I don’t want to sacrifice my education. There isn’t a college close to where we live now so if I decided not to go back I would have to take off next semester. But at least that would give me and him more time to adjust. What should I do?

    #814592 Reply
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    ron

    No, you shouldn’t feel guilty. You are preparing for your adult life. He needs to get on with his. Perhaps he should stay with oldest brother.

    #814596 Reply
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    Jay

    Yea I was thinking that too…but then I saw the apartment, haha. It’s very small and there’s no way they can both comfortably live there together. It would most likely end up in more fights than anything positive :/

    #814597 Reply
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    JD

    Your brother is being dramatic. People move all the time. It isn’t that big of a deal. No you shouldn’t change your whole situation because he is incapable of handling change.

    #814598 Reply
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    Jay

    He’s not really being dramatic…being uprooted from a house and town that you’ve lived in since you were born and being moved to a place you’ve never been to is a difficult experience for anyone and it takes some time to adjust. However, most people have a support system. My brother will not. But you’re right that I shouldn’t sacrifice my life for his.

    #814599 Reply
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    JD

    No. He’s being dramatic. He’s an adult. It’s not the end of the World. You both are too young to comprehend that because you are still in the age range of thinking every little thing is the biggest thing ever. Don’t be dramatic with him. You DO NOT give up college because he hasn’t made friends yet. You don’t need a freaking support system to move. You just go so shit and meet people. It isn’t that dramatic.

    #814601 Reply
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    Jay

    I think you should open your mind to the fact that people react and adapt to situations in different ways. It’s a bit more than just telling someone to stop being dramatic. If that’s what works for you then great! However, I don’t work that way. I appreciate you giving your advice but yea. Some food for thought.

    #814602 Reply
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    JD

    I think you should open your mind to the fact that you kids don’t have enough life experience to have any idea what you are talking about. I assure you I won’t take advice from a teenager but you should listen to the adults.

    #814603 Reply
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    Jay

    Can’t take advice from kids? Your ego seems a bit fragile. Anyways, have a nice night!

    #814633 Reply
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    JD

    Yes my ego is fragile because i know that a teenager knows less than me 🤦🏼‍♀️ That’s how that works.

    #814634 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    I don’t think your brother is being dramatic, but I also think you need to go to school and not feel guilty. A move is difficult and stressful even for me, an adult. We moved in middle school when my mom relocated for work, and it was a big f’ing deal for me. But look, this is life. This is an experience that’s actually going to help him be resilient and figure things out. You don’t stop living your life and sacrifice opportunities because your brother is homesick and needs to make adjustments. YOU didn’t put him in this position. Just live your life, while doing anything you can to be a good supportive sibling.

    #814636 Reply

    Moving IS one of the most stressful things a person can do, even as an adult. That said, you can’t hold your brother’s hand through it. You will have your own stressors soon enough. He will be ok with time.

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