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Dear Wendy

Should I ghost her, or should I try again?

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice Should I ghost her, or should I try again?

This topic contains 85 replies, has 9 voices, and was last updated by avatar PDX816 2 days, 19 hours ago.

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  • #837088 Reply
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    Jay

    I have known this girl since highschool, when she would come over to my house and watch movies and we would cuddle. Nothing ever came of it, but she would drop in from time to time, and then we didn’t see each other for like 20 years. This was in North Carolina, and I moved out to California in a little town off the beaten path. I had talked to her on Facebook over the years, so we kept in a little touch I guess. The last time we talked on FB was over five years ago, then a few months ago she randomly hmu and wanted to meet, which of course I was all about. I was stoked to see her and meet a potential new friend.
    So it got pretty hot and heavy for a few weeks, and we literally did not part. Then one day she we were going to get coffee, and she comes to my new place I just moved into and meets my roomates. Then all of a sudden, she starts saying how much she wants to come hang with me at my new place, basically inviting herself over, and when I tried to tell her maybe another night because we all agreed to give each other a few hours notice if we have a friend (girl) over. She kept asking about my roomate and seemed like she really wanted to spend time with him, not me. She got super pissed when I stood my ground and asked to reschedule, but the next day seemed cool. However as we hung out, it was like she was not too thrilled I was there, and I had even wanted to stay home but she called me over. She ended up sitting there playing Solitaire as if I wasn’t even in the room. I then got up and left after saying I didn’t want to keep her up all night, which was true.
    After this, I didn’t hear from her for days, and finally went over to try to talk to her. She was aloof and basically said she wanted to meet new people and just be friends. I was heartbroken, days before we had said we were on a new plateau and were so happy. But she said she still wanted to get together for “movie nights”, but no definite plans were made. She alluded to sex as well. Then, a couple times I tried to hit her up, but she made plans and flaked each time. She said she was so busy, had no time. Sorry, maybe next week, then nothing. Then almost 2 months go by with no word, ghosted…
    Then a text saying “Hey friend, want to come meet (it was 9am at a coffee shop”.
    I didn’t even bother to respond, and had already taken her name out of my contacts list. Turns out while I was waiting for her to be “not busy”, she was on Tinder, Grinder, and probably every dating app known to man, desperate to hang with anyone except me it seems.
    Should I just ghost her?
    (spoiler alert: I already did on phone and all social media)

    #837089 Reply
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    Jay

    OH and I also should add, she randomly moved to the same town I was in, and somehow knew I was there even though I didn’t put it on my facebook feed. That’s when she hmu after like 20 years. Weird yeah.

    #837090 Reply
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    Jay

    OK lol going to add a bit more, because it’s actually cathartic to type and talk about this to the great internet void where I know where are some smart and compassionate people who will give me good advice. I feel like I need to say I was also on a dating app, the Cupid, which is like low key compared to tinder or bumble IMHO. Either way, I did meet a girl on there and had a few dates, and slept with her, but couldn’t stop thinking about the girl I really wanted to be with. I realized I was doing it out of anger and loneliness and deleted the account, then had a hunch to check tinder and bumble, so I created a fake account with no intention of meeting anyone, just to see if she was on there. It didn’t take many clicks to see her on there.
    But it’s weird, because now that I’m not replying to her, she is like obsessed. She is literally liking posts on Instagram and FB I post in less than a minute lol. It’s pretty clear she wants to get together, and honesly I do too, but I can’t deal with the friggin heartbreak. I feel like she just wants to manipulate me and steal my energy. I swear this semester has been the hardest ever, becuase i can’t stop thinking about this shit and the way she treated me. Usually I can just be friends with benefits if that’s the deal, and be cool, but with her I fell in love. It’s only the third time that’s happened to me, and I fell especially hard. We were talking about how we knew each other in past lives, and will find each in the next, and that type of shit. Then she can just ghost me and make we wait endlessly while she goes out and fucks other guys.
    I wish I could be cool with it, and keep it simple which is how she wants it, but I can’t. I guess I’m a SIMP

    #837101 Reply
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    JD
    Member

    Oh good grief it wasn’t even serious. Chill. So she thought your roommate was cute. Oh well. Move on. And judging her for saying she was busy then going on Tinder. You sound like a creep.

    She didn’t break your heart or treat you anyway. She lost interest. Grow up.

    • This reply was modified 1 week ago by avatar JD.
    #837103 Reply
    bagge72
    bagge72
    Participant

    This is getting creepy…You sound very obsessed with this women. What she does with other people is none of your business. You sound like you are about to play the nice guy card here, there is no such thing as a SIMP, that is just made to make creepy guys feel better about themselves, by telling them that a girl is taking advantage of their feelings for them, even though they don’t feel the same way.

    #837105 Reply
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    ron

    I don’t get your letter at all. It sounds like you have no idea what you want from this woman and your question “should I ghost her” after you’ve already ghosted her is strange. Try again? You’re the guy who never makes a move and then blames her for looking elsewhere. Have you spent your whole life waiting for this woman to jump you?

    #837107 Reply
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    LisforLeslie

    Both of you are weird and immature. She’s sending mixed signals. You’re sending mixed signals. You want to date her – tell her. Stop creeping on her SM. If she rejects you, lick your wounds, get drunk, and move on.

    She isn’t your dream girl. You just don’t like being rejected (like all of us). She’s the same – which is why she’s all attentive now.

    #837111 Reply
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    FYI

    Okay, I’m going to give you a compassionate answer.

    She broke up with you. Period. End of story. It makes NO difference that she is now texting you again, or liking your IG posts or whatever. (Interpreting her likes on social media is not…. mature, dude. You’re both near 40 if high school was 20 years ago, right?) She’s doing that because she’s a flake, not because she loves you.

    It’s not going to be the relationship you want. She already TOLD you and SHOWED you that very, very clearly. Stay OUT of it.

    #837113 Reply
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    anonymousse
    Member

    It sounds like you were casually hooking up and then she was attracted to your roommate. Why is that such a betrayal for you? You weren’t in a relationship.

    Just block her and move on if you’re heart is so broken.

    #837136 Reply
    Lucidity
    Lucidity

    I think “like 20 years” was an exaggeration. OP is taking about his current semester, so it sounds like he’s doing some kind of post-secondary degree. I’ve also never heard someone in their forties use the short form for “hit me up”. I’m guessing these people are in their early to mid twenties.

    #837139 Reply
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    Kate

    I mean… you two were never in a relationship. I’m not sure if you ever did anything physical beyond cuddling. You spent a lot of time together in the couple weeks after she (oddly) moved across the country to your small town. But she was never your girlfriend. I get being pissed that someone would blow you off for weeks and then ask you to meet them at 9am with no notice, so, sure, block and delete her over that, or because you can’t handle just being friends with her when you really want to hook up. Bottom line, she’s a flaky friend.

    None of your business AT ALL what she’s doing on dating apps, and your comments about that sound possessive, judgmental, and creepy.

    #837215 Reply
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    Jay

    Wow didn’t realize I sounded so creepy, but reading back I see where you’re coming from. The consensus seems to be mutual! We are in our late twenties, it just seems like forever ago since high school.
    I just wanted to see if she was being legit with me, because she kept making excuses and saying she had no time, but really what she was saying was she didn’t want to hang out with me.
    I laugh at how much I let this affect me, thanks for the replies, any other feedback would be appreciated. I am not good at understanding women, but I am starting to.

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