Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Should I ghost her, or should I try again?

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice Should I ghost her, or should I try again?

This topic contains 85 replies, has 9 voices, and was last updated by avatar PDX816 2 months ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 13 through 24 (of 86 total)
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  • #837216 Reply
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    Jay

    And to the people who sent all the hate and judgemental answers, why would you just assume things? Of course we were physical (after we met recently), or else I would know we were just friends lol. Yes I made a move on her and let her know how I felt about her, and was hurt for weeks after she ghosted me. I mean like it really affected me, more than any other girl, even girls I was in relationships with for years. I can’t help the way I feel, and she was like dangling strings in front of me with no real intention to get together again. Just to make herself feel good and me like shit. I was asking if I should just completely ghost her b/c I have the option of replying to her text and seeing where things go, or just blocking her from my phone. I want to see her again but it’s so distracting to my life and I am worth more than that shit.

    #837218 Reply
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    Kate

    But I mean, still, she was never your girlfriend, right? Unless you two mutually agree you’re in an exclusive relationship, she’s free to do what she likes.

    And yes, she was avoiding hanging out. Why, I don’t know, but I would guess she felt possessiveness and anger coming from you. Or, she wanted to pursue other guys and not be physical with you at the same time.

    #837220 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymarkright

    How old are you? The tone, details and 20 years thing left me quite confused…

    #837221 Reply
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    Kate

    He said late 20s in his update.

    #837222 Reply

    You were really unclear, Jay. You said twice that it had been 20 years since you last saw her. You never said you had sex exactly, and people have differing definitions to what hooking up means to them.

    You are assuming she spent this time with you to make you feel like shit? That seems unlikely.

    Telling you she’s busy a lot is a way of letting you down easy. And maybe she was actually busy. She’s trying to meet up with you now, but you’re going to ghost her. You already have, right? Maybe she could sense that you are into her more than she is into you. There could be a million different things, and you’ll never know unless you talk to her. You’re assuming the worst from her. This is the woman you’re heartbroken over….but you are also implying she used you and is fucking tons of other people.

    Everyone gets rejected. Everyone gets disappointed and hurt when the person they like a lot isn’t on the same page. It sucks, but that doesn’t mean you have to go the angry and bitter route and call her a slut in so many words.

    #837228 Reply
    Lucidity
    Lucidity

    “…she was like dangling strings in front of me with no real intention to get together again. Just to make herself feel good and me like shit.”

    This is entirely your assumption, Jay. You have no idea what she has been thinking and feeling or what her motivations have been. You’d probably feel a lot better about how things went down if you didn’t jump to (the worst, most unlikely) conclusions like this.

    #837236 Reply

    …I feel like there’s some kind of middle ground between continuing to hook up with someone and ghosting them…but what could it be?

    #837237 Reply
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    ellie j

    If she liked you, she would have acted otherwise…she is not into you, trust me.

    #837242 Reply
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    FYI

    I also feel that people are being a little hard on this guy. He says they were inseparable and then she distanced — abruptly. (“We literally did not part” for weeks of course means sex.) I get how that can mess with you when you really like someone.

    He’s hurt, that’s all, and wanting to know if he should respond to her latest texts. The answer is No, but I do see where he’s coming from.

    Also, you don’t have to “be good at understanding women.” She isn’t representing the species, dude. She’s a flake. And women are just people. You’ll be all right. Onward.

    #837248 Reply

    He’s not just hurt, he’s angry and has chosen to slut-shame her. That generally doesn’t go over well.

    And the funny thing about that is, he met and slept with a woman from a dating app a few times, and then made fake accounts to stalk his “friend,” yet calls her obsessed.

    #837254 Reply
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    Jay

    Honestly this just feels good to talk about with people because all my friends just say get over it and are tired of the broken record, so I have noone to talk with to try to understand the situation. I have never come to a site like this to try to get advice, so sorry for my rambling unclear rant.
    Let me also be clear on something, I only made the dating app account sort of out of curiosity b/c I’ve never used those dating apps and am sort of a purist in that sense, in that I don’t want to meet sig others on the internet. I know i know call me old fashioned. I want to tell my theoretical grandkids one day, i met your mom somewhere besides a dating app. No offense I totally respect other people using it. I met that girl on OKC b/c I was hurting and thought it would help, but it actually hurt more. I probably hurt that girl, and I’m sorry for that, but I told her I was heartbroken and she knew it was a rebound.
    Wow anonymousse. I wasn’t stalking her, I just saw she was on those apps and instantly deleted my account. I no longer have any dating app accounts, and I could care less who she hooks up with. She wouldn’t be honest with me, and she would say things like implying sex would happen again, which of course it never did. And I was waiting for weeks like a little bitch when she was off with who knows who getting her brains fucked out. Come on, it happened, I know it, you know it.
    I agree with the general consensus that she is a flake, and I’m not going to reply to her text. For yalls info I was happy not even having contact with her after I got over my broken heart when she ghosted me, and now every time she texts me I get that anxious feeling again and hope festers in my puny little heart. My brain tells me to leave it alone, you’re fine, try to be happy. But, well you know, that other part says GOGOGOGO back like a lil biatch. I am thankful b/c this experience made me realize I’m not the strong island of a man I thought I was, and I have issues I need to look at.
    You are right FYI and thanks for your words, they mean a lot.
    And thanks to all who took the time to reply, even those who were harsh on me. I admit I prolly deserve it. Live and learn.

    #837256 Reply
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    Jay

    “anonymousse

    Member
    It sounds like you were casually hooking up and then she was attracted to your roommate. Why is that such a betrayal for you? You weren’t in a relationship.

    Just block her and move on if you’re heart is so broken.”

    Really? You’re telling me if you were fucking someone for weeks and having the best time, then all of a sudden she starts to show attraction to your roommate, someone who you can’t get away from, who is there all the time, who is supposed to be your boy (who is btw), that is holy and you don’t fuck with another dudes bros. If you do, you suck, they suck, and are horrible people who don’t give a shit about you. I don’t think you’re being honest with yourself. I’d like to see a women you like forget about you and start going with your best friend. See how it feels. It doesn’t matter we weren’t exclusive.
    Worst part of it was, after that encounter, she started making fun of my cloths, of my life, asked me how much money was in my bank account, asking about him, and yadda yadda yaddda.

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