Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Should I ghost her, or should I try again?

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice Should I ghost her, or should I try again?

This topic contains 85 replies, has 9 voices, and was last updated by avatar PDX816 2 months ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 25 through 36 (of 86 total)
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  • #837257 Reply
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    Jay

    bloodymediocrity”…I feel like there’s some kind of middle ground between continuing to hook up with someone and ghosting them…but what could it be?”

    I wish I knew. I have been watching a lot of red pill videos lately, and I think there’s a lot of truth in that mentality. I have always been the dumb ass nice guy (I’m from the south and was raised to believe women are so good, and deserve to be pampered by the man). Well that’s over. Fuck the nice guy, always finishes last. Tell me I’m lying. She want a guy to pump and dump her and treat her like shit and leave her alone. Jay 2k !!!

    #837269 Reply
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    Ange

    Dude, don’t go redpill. If you do you’re setting yourself up for a lifetime of misery and hate. They aren’t people who are going to lead you to a better life.

    Believe it or not not all women are good but not all women are bad either. We’re just people and you should always hope to be able to treat people well and have it returned but if it doesn’t happen that’s life. You’ll certainly never meet good quality people if you become a hateful douchebag. Nice guys don’t finish last but ‘nice guys’ always will.

    #837272 Reply
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    Jay

    “Nice guys don’t finish last but ‘nice guys’ always will”.

    wtf does that mean?

    #837283 Reply
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    Tabitha_Mc

    Your tone continues to be incredibly judgmental; you’re not even in a relationship, but already imagining conversations with your ‘grandkids’ where you wouldn’t want to admit meeting on a dating site?? I was widowed and found my amazing second husband on one, and I have no idea where you get the idea there’s some kind of stigma about it.A *lot* of your thinking needs serious realignment, especially if you’re at the stage where you think the Red Pill movement has any merit whatsoever.

    #837285 Reply
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    LisforLeslie

    @Jay … add “in bed” to the end of the sentence

    #837290 Reply

    If you want to be lonely and miserable, keep watching those redpill videos. It’s a dark path to follow.

    The middle ground I was referring to was letting her know you weren’t interested. Respectfully letting her know that you had fun but you aren’t feeling it anymore.

    I didn’t think I’d have to explain it.

    #837291 Reply

    then had a hunch to check tinder and bumble, so I created a fake account with no intention of meeting anyone, just to see if she was on there.

    That’s not app stalking?

    I’d be upset if the person I was fucking for weeks wanted someone else (and trust me, I’ve been through it- more times than you, apparently) but when I really wanted to be with someone I had that conversation and either became exclusive and in a relationship or I walked.

    You got on an app and fucked some rando to make yourself feel better. You even admit you probably hurt that woman. You’ve done everything you’re accusing her of doing. Congratulations on being a hypocrite.

    You need help from a licensed therapist. Your anger and bitterness is alarming and offputting. The red pill sexist bullshit you are now reading is disgusting.

    The woman you were casually sleeping with for a few weeks stopped seeing you. This is life, dude. Get over it and don’t choose to turn yourself into a misogynistic asshole over it. You should’ve told her your feelings and asked to be in a relationship. Even if you had, she is allowed to not like you that way. She’s allowed to think you’re roommate is hot. She’s allowed to be on apps looking for friends or fuck buddies or whatever she wants. It’s none of your business what she does, and none of that makes her a bad person.

    You however, maybe you should look in the mirror and examine your choices. So your feelings got hurt. You’re going to let that turn you into an asshole? Yeah, I bet your friends are tired of it. So go talk to a professional about it.

    #837295 Reply
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    ron

    She gets to choose whether or not she wants to be with you. You don’t get to choose for both of you. You got jealous because you thought she liked your roommate better than you. You spurned her. She left. It’s on you. This whole “I’m from the South, so I was raised to believe women are so good. B.S. dude. The South is largely evangelical and taught that women must obey their husbands, not be treated as equals. You had sex with this woman, wanted a relationship or something, and acted/are still acting like you own her. You never did and you can’t, women are equal individuals with the same rights as you, including to go on Tindr or dump you or ghost you, although really if you re-read your posts, you walked away from her, because your extreme jealousy kicked in. Jealousy will drive people away, especially when it leads to the cold shoulder, as you gave her.

    #837304 Reply
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    keyblade
    Member

    Your posts come across as a cry for help. There is only so much clarity comments from the internet are going to be able to provide for you. I think you should make an appointment at your school for some counseling. Going to predominately female point-of-view forum and trying to elicit empathy for your confusion and plight isn’t going to improve your romantic life. I’m highly skeptical your self-described “red pill” sites will either.

    You come across as unmoored. Obsessing with strangers isn’t going to help you to become the kind of person who is at ease and confident in their own ability to attract and connect romantically with others (women or not).

    You clearly aren’t happy with your recent dates. Go talk to someone. Don’t be indoctrinated by others who just want to make money off of you by feeding a false idea of injustice.

    #837307 Reply
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    Essie
    Participant

    Oh, lord. Redpill <rolls eyes>. AKA, “How to be a whiny asshole who will turn off women for the rest of your life.”

    Look, the person you liked turned out to be a flake and rejected you. Welcome to the wonderful world of dating. Happens to everyone. Read some of the other posts here: stories of women who liked guys who flaked out on them and rejected them. It’s happened to pretty much everyone you’re talking to here. Most of us, multiple times. You date, you get hurt sometimes. Not everyone you like is going to feel the same way about you.

    Don’t go down the “all women are like this” road. Because it’s nonsense. It’s like saying “all men just want to use women for sex and then dump them.” Men and women are individuals. Some will treat you with respect and kindness. Some won’t. Some will like you back. Some won’t. Some are just looking for casual sex, some want a more settled. serious relationship.

    Do what all the rest of us have done. Take a little time to feel sad, then pick yourself up and dust yourself off and start dating again.

    #837309 Reply
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    FYI

    Why are you calling women names? What is this bros before hos nonsense? Are you serious? I felt for you, because you got rejected, but you’re not helping yourself with all the misogyny. Get that fixed, ASAP. I’m not even kidding. You’re lashing out — hard — because you think you’re a “bitch” or weak because you got hurt. Everyone gets hurt. That doesn’t give you the right to use someone else or slut-shame this woman.

    You gotta take a hard look at yourself. All that southern, red pill, old-fashioned-guy stuff is gonna rip you up.

    #837374 Reply
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    golfer.gal

    Jay, I am worried for you. I get where you’re coming from – you met someone, really liked her, thought she liked you, got close really fast, and then she backed off in a way where you felt blown off and with mixed signals. That definitely sucks. Maybe you felt hurt by it in a disproportionate way because you’re at a different point in your life now, or there are other things going on emotionally.

    The thing is, some things are coming through in your writing that are troublesome. The red pill thing is a big one. That is not a healthy community or a healthy outlook that is going to get you to a mutually supportive, trusting, and lasting relationship. Ever. What Ange meant by her comment is that true nice guys, truly good people who are confident in themselves, respect themselves and treat others with respect, who do good things in the world, try to surround themselves with good people, and have lives with meaning and purpose will never finish last. You attract what you put out. Guys who use the excuse that they are “nice” to blame others for what happens in their own lives, or to refuse to look at themselves and what they could do differently to attract the kind of partner that they want (basically red pillers) are consistently going to find themselves attracting poor partners and scaring away good ones. The way you speak about this woman – you’re a “bitch” while she’s getting fucked by other guys, is really troublesome. Women are not vending machines where you put in alpha traits, or money, or niceness, and get out sex. We’re people just like you, with the same feelings, motivations, and experiences. Some of us are awesome, some of us suck. It seems like maybe you need to take a step back from dating for a while and get into counseling. This level of bitterness and disdain for women is not healthy and it’s not going to get you what you want. Work on being the kind of person who attracts great people to them, be open and up front about what you want, and walk away when someone isnt meeting your needs. Self respect, respect for others, and good communication are going to take you towards what you want.

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