Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Should I keep this friendship?

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice Should I keep this friendship?

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  • #855495 Reply
    avatarEmylie
    Guest

    My friend is in a toxic relationship with her boyfriend and they have arguments every week. He even threatened to kill himself if she leaves. One time after one big argument, she even harmed herself by trying to cut up her arm. Her boyfriend got left-back and is still in high school, while both of us are sophomores in college. He has no job, no car, and she is always driving far to go see him. Her boyfriend has nothing to offer her and doesn’t make any effort to better himself and treat her like a queen. Meanwhile, if I ask her to hang out she says she’s lazy and doesn’t feel like driving. All she ever talks about is her boyfriend and all the drama that their going through and I feel like her whole world and identity revolves around him. I don’t know her favorite music or hobby, but I know all the emotional and mental abuse her boyfriend puts her. I keep giving her advice and telling her to leave and focus on herself, but she doesn’t listen. Today she called me and told me that she lost her virginity to her boyfriend a few weeks ago, and they did it a couple more times after that. I was shocked because she always talked about waiting until marriage. Now she’s telling me that she’s scared that she might be pregnant. Gosh, I’m just tired of all the negativity surrounding her and her boyfriend and she’s pushing me away. I need some advice. Should I keep this friendship?

    #855496 Reply
    avatarEssie
    Participant

    It doesn’t sound like you’re that close, anyway? Your friendship consists mostly of her dumping her emotional stuff on you, to the point where you don’t know much about her other than her boyfriend problems?

    Yeah, if that’s the case, I think a slow fade is in order.

    Were you closer before she lost her mind over this guy?

    #855497 Reply
    avatarEmylie
    Guest

    I was close with her during my freshman year cause we had a class together but I havent physically seen her in 3 months

    #855522 Reply
    avatarLeon
    Guest

    Well, you should try, before dumping her ass, to let her know all you have written here. You have nothing to lose in both scenarios: she accepts it and grow up, or she gets mad about it and leaves. Win win situation.

    #855659 Reply
    SkyblossomSkyblossom
    Participant

    People make the time to do the things they want to do. That’s why she is willing to drive far to see him. When it comes to you she is too lazy to do anything. That tells you that she doesn’t want to do anything. Quit asking for her to do things. Wait for her to invite you to do something. Don’t be surprised if she never comes up with anything.

    If you are tired of all of the negativity stop being available to listen. It’s time for you to be too busy to be on the phone. Time to be walking out the door when she calls. Too busy to get back to a text until hours or even a day have gone by.

    #855667 Reply
    avatarEmylie
    Guest

    True! You’re right

    #855668 Reply
    avatarEmylie
    Guest

    True. There’s just a lot of things that have been rubbing me the wrong way and I think that it’s time to let her go.

    #855670 Reply

    Since you don’t mind losing her, you could absolutely tell her what you think. I would keep it focused on how horrible her bf is to her. Tell her to get in touch when she’s left him or something.

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