Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

“Should I Marry Him or Move On?”

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This topic contains 17 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by avatar SpaceySteph 1 week, 2 days ago.

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  • #853547 Reply
    Dear Wendy
    Dear Wendy
    Keymaster

    From a LW:

    “It took me a few days to finally gather my thoughts and send you my problem.
    My boyfriend spoke to me about marriage a few times and he told me he wanted us to get engaged however after few months he completely stopped talking about it, but he still talked about our future together from time to time.
    One day we met and he finally spoke about the engagement and I said jokingly : “are you waiting for me to propose?” and he didn’t say anything.
    Honestly, I have serious trust issues, but the thing is I recently found out that his ex got engaged on april just around the time he spoke to me about getting engaged, and I can’t stop thinking that maybe that’s the reason why he thought about marriage in the first place, and now that he’s accepted the fact that she’s getting married, he stopped thinking about marrying me.
    We’re in a long distance relationship because of his work, we only meet once every one or two months, so it’s kinda difficult for me to see exactly what’s his intentions are.
    Also, isn’t it weird that he want us to meet outside and just sit in his car? Like he never took me out to eat or watch a movie, and I always wondered, is it just how he likes it, or is it because he doesn’t wanna be put in a situation where he feels obliged to spend money on me? “

    #853550 Reply
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    cdobbs

    this letter went to a whole other level in the last two sentences….do not consider marrying someone you have never even been seen in public with….so shady….run away from this guy as soon as possible

    #853551 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Wait, what? You see him every few months and you just sit in his car? YES, that’s weird. It sounds like he’s married or has a girlfriend, frankly. This isn’t a real relationship. Marriage isn’t really on the table. Why don’t you *ask him* why you never do anything but sit in his car. Why don’t you actually just break up with him? This can’t be a fulfilling relationship that makes you happy.

    #853552 Reply
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    Allornone

    Yeah, dude, this is all kinds of shady. You’ve never done anything but sit in his car and talk? You can’t come to his door? Either you’re a side piece (have you even been intimate? car sex can be fun every once in a while, but it’s just not sustaining), or he’s, I don’t know, a wanted criminal. Whatever is up with this dude, this is not a relationship (that requires shared experiences outside a motor vehicle). So if you’re not really dating, marriage really ain’t an option.

    Move on.

    #853553 Reply
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    Essie
    Participant

    If he’s not willing to be seen in public with you, he’s not going to marry you.

    #853554 Reply
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    PDX816

    Wow LW, way to bury the lead. Do not marry this man, do not continue to give him any of your time or energy. He isn’t single and his behavior shows that. You also need to do some deep soul searching as to why you are willing to accept this kind of attention. I would strongly suggest therapy.

    #853555 Reply
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    Miss MJ

    Move on. You deserve better than sitting in some dude’s car as a “date.” And, also, he’s never going to marry you. He’s probably already married. Or at least in a relationship. In the future, make “willing to be seen in public with me” the absolute bare minimum you will accept from a date. (Obviously, the real bar should be much, much higher.)

    #853556 Reply

    Oh. My. Goodness.

    #853558 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    How is this even a question?

    MARRY HIM!!

    #853559 Reply
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    Oracle

    Well, this gives a whole new level of aim higher.

    #853560 Reply
    CurlyQue
    CurlyQue
    Participant

    1) Neither of you have asked the other to marry them so it’s not really a question of “should i marry him”
    2) The real question is if you should even still be dating him and the answer is NO. You see each other once every month or two and he drives over and you hang out in his car?! WTF is that even about. Are you both minors so you have no actual place to go and no income to spend on a date? Even when i was in highschool with little income we went out to places so that wouldn’t stand up either.

    TLDR: MOA

    #853562 Reply

    I mean, if you want the absolute bare minimum of what a relationship should look like….Wait, no, no, sorry. This isn’t even the bare minimum, this is so much less than that. You see him once every month or two, in his car only. He honestly sounds like a serial killer or is he homeless? You’ve never eaten at a restaurant, or even grabbed a coffee with him? And you’ve never asked him to do anything outside of his car? He’s never met your friends or vice versa? Do you literally only have sex in his car and barely talk?

    He’s not going to marry you. I’m not even sure why you’d think that was a viable option. I’m sorry to sound so harsh, but he is so very clearly not a guy you want to marry, or date. Nope. He is unable to have a normal relationship with you.

    He’s either in a relationship or two, or something else is seriously wrong with him.

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