“Should I Stop Seeing My FWB?”

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    March 2, 2023 at 8:39 am #1118913

    From a LW:

    “I have questions about my actual relationship with my fwb. So we are both college students; I am a sophomore and he is a junior. I work part-time at a pizzeria on campus where he asked me for my instagram and then a week later took me to a very cute park and kissed me at some point. We both like having walks at cemeteries ( which pretty weird ) and he was telling about how if people ask about our first date we’ll be like yeah it was at a cemetery they will think we are creepy but they don’t need to understand us. I honestly had sex with him that day. At first I didn’t thoink that I was that attracted to him but after the walk and he deep conversation I was just looking into his eyes like wow how does even existes ?

    Well we hooked up again on Tuesday and slept over. After that he didn’t text me until a week later to tell me that he is not looking to have a gf and that he wanted to make sure that I am not expecting to be his girl. He then said he still want to hang out tho (and maybe have sex from time to time). i pushed it to the fwb part saying, “well we won’t hang out so I can look into your eyes. But let’s do it.” We didn’t see each other or do anything for the whole month and then last Sunday I texted him, he came over and we had sex just like the first day. He was looking into my eyes kissing me and after that he cuddled with me and he kept telling about how much he likes cuddling me and that I am sexy and that he likes hanging out with me. But didn’t text for the whole week (we also had a break from school).

    I have been thinking about him the whole week and I honestly would rather keep him close to me than try to moving on. I texted him today if he thinks we should stop would he let me know, and he he goes: “I think you are right we should.” Then I asked for the reason ( I think I deserve to know most of things, no? ) and he said he feels that I deserve better and he doesn’t feel like just having sex with me and never hanging out. I said that I am not expecting anything from him and that I enjoy having sex with him and that we can hang out if he wants and he has to be clear and let me know what he’s thinking. He replied “I agree, thanks :).” I don’t know what he means/ what he really want. I don’t know what to do as I am not ready to have any kind of physical or emotional relationship with anyone else but him. “

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    March 2, 2023 at 8:40 am #1118915

    What he means is this: He can tell that you have feelings for him more than just someone to have sex with. He is picking up on the vibe that you’d like an actual relationship with him, and that isn’t what he wants. He likes you and maybe even respects you, which is why he doesn’t want to take advantage of you. He knows he doesnt’ want what you want and he doesn’t want to lead you on so he’s telling you that you should probably stop having sex. I agree with him. I think you should move on before you get hurt.

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    March 2, 2023 at 9:20 am #1118917

    Wendy is absolutely right. LW, FWB only works if you’re ok with casual sex. I’ve been in both situations:FWB with zero problems because we both just liked having sex w/ one another but knew that’s all it was. And the FWB where he felt like a boyfriend and it took a lot of therapy to unpack that.

    This is telling: “We didn’t see each other or do anything for the whole month and then last Sunday I texted him, he came over and we had sex just like the first day. He was looking into my eyes kissing me.”

    Just from that sentence alone, it was easy to see you either have more than FWB feelings or on the verge of them.

    You didn’t do anything wrong. He didn’t do anything wrong.

    This is a good learning experience, especially understanding what you’re comfortable with intimacy-wise. He was honest and respectful of your feelings. Not all people will be.

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    March 2, 2023 at 11:32 am #1118921

    Wendy is dead on here.

    He’s being honest with you about what he wants. He likes you, he’s sexually attracted to you, but he doesn’t want a relationship with you. It’s obvious that you do. You should listen to him and move on from this.

    Don’t kid yourself that you’ll be happy with a FWB relationship with him.

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“Should I Stop Seeing My FWB?”

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