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Dear Wendy

Should I undo our breakup?

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This topic contains 32 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by avatar dinoceros 3 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #844373 Reply
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    Rob

    My girlfriend and I were together 8 months, but known each other for over a year. I can talk to her for hours, she’s the most thoughtful, levelheaded woman I’ve ever been with and I wanted to be with her. We’ve had small bumps in the road, like small arguments that seemed like big ones where we stopped talking for a day or so, but we always were able to realize it wasn’t as bad as what we thought so it was worked out.

    She was in a major accident 2 months back and was in the hospital for 1 1/2months. It only brought us closer. We started working on plans together, as a couple for our future. She ended up being rehospitalized last week and things got weird. She started acting stalkerish, came to my house being dramatic and accusing me of not being there for her. So I backed off. I was done. She would blow my phone up constantly but i wouldn’t answer. I officially told her I’m done last weekend after she started acting weird demanding money that she gave me forever ago. I thought she was being petty and trying to threaten me so I was threw. I told her we don’t ever have to speak again. I was done.

    Fast forward now, I just texted her about giving her money back, but instead her sister who usually would keep me updated of what was going on with her from my now ex-gf phone throughout the whole process, was now texting me. Here’s what the text said:

    This is her sister, Alicia. Mook went into surgery this morning and we’re waiting on her to return. We’re not fretting about any of this money nonsense and she isn’t either! The fact you still were giving her this speaks volumes about you because she’s been going off on everybody, acting weird, obsessive, and emotional with these damn mood swings, ever since she came home that second time. We assumed it was her losing her lid because of needing surgery. Coming up to my job, calling everybody at crazy hours going off, etc. She has not been playful or reasonable how everyone knows her to be.

    We’re very grateful for her surgeon, who started questioning medication she was prescribed just before they took her for surgery prep. They discovered the neurologist from her last hospital stay for those couple days, wrongfully prescribed two different antidepressants when all she needed was prescribed painkillers if that, and she’s been giving us hell ever since. Theyve started her on IV’s last night to dilute whatever meds were left and it took time. Did you noticed any erratic or strange behavior from her, since she came home from the hospital for the second time?

    Then it clicked!!! I thought my girlfriend was being crazy, harassing me and just insulting me just because. I knew something was off because she’s never acted like that where she popped up at my house like she’s crazy, despite our prior arguments in the past, she was always level headed and her and I would admit fault in things after a day or so and move on. We were on great terms before this happened. Should I take back the breakup because I now see what’s going on, if so how do I do it?

    #844385 Reply
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    ron

    Yes. Take it slow. She needs time to recover. She likely will, but shouldn’t, be embarrassed by her recent actions. It’s the neurologist’s fault. You may have just written about your concerns about her changed personality, because that is foremost in your mind, but you seem very strangely unconcerned about her need for repeat surgery.

    #844388 Reply

    I think you should let her heal and recover before you make any motions at her. And you should let her decide. She’s been through a lot, and needs to focus on herself.

    #844392 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    I really question your reaction here. You’d known her for a year. She had been through something extremely traumatic, where neurology was involved. And yet you absolutely dropped her when she showed some erratic behavior. Was your relationship really that strong to begin with?? Are you just incredibly insensitive and clueless, to the point that you wouldn’t be like, hmm, this isn’t like her at all. Maybe this isn’t all about me. Maybe she’s going through something. Maybe something is wrong, maybe I should be compassionate and ask what’s going on and if she needs help. Maybe I should reach out to her family.

    I’m not sure you love and care for her like you think you do. Give her some time and space, and take some yourself.

    #844393 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Like:

    “her sister who usually would keep me updated of what was going on with her from my now ex-gf phone throughout the whole process…”

    Why didn’t you text her and ask her if she’d noticed anything weird?

    #844395 Reply

    Yeah, I agree. Even without the meds mixup, people in traumatic accidents often exhibit unusual and erratic behavior.

    It does seem like you’re very focused on yourself, and not as much about what she’s been through and still has yet to go through. She’s been seriously hurt and has been hospitalized repeatedly and now is due for surgery soon. I don’t think most women would be gloriously happy that the bf who abruptly dumped them in the middle of a seriously stressful time wants to try again. She’s got other, more important things going on.

    #844399 Reply
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    golfer.gal

    I agree with Kate. My first thought when reading this was “something is wrong and this is related to the accident, you need to meet with her doctor”. Having a complete, bizarre change in personality following an accident and surgery should be a major red flag that something medically is wrong, not that this person has morphed into a crazy bitch. Why didn’t you reach out to her family, or her medical team, ask her if she needed help? Your instinct was to ditch her which is…not great. Something was obviously very, very wrong. You can try apologizing, but I really hope this will be a lesson to you that you should have handled this with a lot more care and concern.

    #844400 Reply
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    LisforLeslie

    Yes, of course – she was on medications that made her irrational. This wasn’t her fault – her brain was sending out signals that made no sense therefore she made no sense.

    #844402 Reply
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    LisforLeslie

    I vote clueless – sometimes the signals aren’t so clear or it seems like they’re reacting to their situation – not medication. She may have had a concussion – thus the neurologist.

    Everyone here is reading a story that details out several months – and of course to us it’s “well of course it was medication” but this guy was a toad in the pot. She didn’t go from 0-60…. the behaviors escalated as her medication levels built up.

    #844403 Reply

    She ended up being rehospitalized last week and things got weird.

    This whole erratic thing was last week.

    #844404 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Right, it was last week, right after she got out of the hospital!

    And: “…known each other for over a year. I can talk to her for hours, she’s the most thoughtful, levelheaded woman I’ve ever been with…”

    Like, come on, I get some people are clueless and self-centered, but it really didn’t cross his mind something medically may be wrong? Or at least ask family if they’ve noticed anything?

    #844405 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    Eh, it sounds like he made a mistake and so it’s time to play yet another round of lets rip the male writer to shreds…
    .
    I suspect that this was not readily apparent — as in there was no head trauma. So no obvious explanation for personality shift. .
    Remember, this was medicine mishap reaction induced. So, yeah. I can see how this might not exactly immediately occur to somebody after being attacked — especially if they have little medical knowledge or experience.
    .
    But yeah, I’d take it slow. Give her time to recover. Then see where it goes.

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